La Jolla hotel developer Doug Manchester put up $125,000 to collect signatures for Prop 8, California’s absurd anti-gay-marriage initiative intended to overturn Caifornia’s legal gay marriages just to ruin people’s lives, because why not, wingnuts is special. But now richie-rich Mr. Manchester, who previously claimed he was bankrolling the Prop 8 signature effort because of his deep love of being married to a lady, has cruelly dumped his wife of 43 years and is cold trying to ruin her lifestyle! MORE »

Here is our new favorite musical duo, “Garfunkel and Oates,” with their chilling song about the slippery slope (and beak) of Legal Gay Marriage, when we all just start cold fuckin’ the ducks. [Garfunkel & Oates]

Hey gays, here’s your least favorite person in the world, Noobama, who had been introducing some new economic slobs at a presser until the Q&A, when everyone asks him why he picked Chunksy McLardtits to deliver the Christian speech at his inauguration. Obama responds, “UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” and then offers a series of actual words that basically carry the same weight as “UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.” MORE »

Rick Warren is a big shot evangelical preacher at a 600-trillion-person church in Southern California, meaning he’s also the puppetmaster behind American politics. You may remember his “Saddleback Forum” over the summer when he forced Obama and McCain — both of whose personal cell numbers he keeps — to babble about Jesus in his church, individually, while the other was being molested by rabid frogs in a Cone of Silence. Well guess what people, he’s now invited himself to give the wingnut invocation at Obama’s inauguration melee. This news does not please America’s many homosexuals. MORE »

• Police are going to use truth serum (probably just pinot noir) on the only surviving Mumbai terrorist. [Daily Beast]
• Harvard is in a recession too! The elitist madrassa where Barry spent his formative years managed to lose 22% of it’s $36.9 billion endowment in four months. [HuffPost]
• According to Jonah Goldberg, the real victims of Proposition 8 are the Mormons, who were in no way affected by Proposition 8 or any of its outcomes. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Obama loved his new boyfriend Bill Richardson better when he did the whole bear thing. “We’re deeply disappointed with the loss of the beard,” Obama said at a press conference, which was probably held in some art gallery in Providence. [CNN Political Ticker]
• The forgotten territory of Oklahoma is celebrating the completely irrelevant fact that John McCain won the state with a dumb Christmas card. [Ben Smith]

K-LOAD: Mouth-breathing fart-sack Kathryn Jean Lopez has posted a confusing new Word Jumble, in which she claims that Prop. 8, the Mormons’ financial assault on California homosexuals, “won by the same margin as Barack Obama did in that state.” Obama crushed McCain 61%-37% in California, while Prop. 8 squeaked by with 52%. [Andrew Sullivan]

Here’s a delicious chunk of schadenfreude for all of our uniformed men and women in the Gay Militia fighting the fundies out West: “[Colorado Springs-based ministry] Focus on the Family announced this afternoon that 202 jobs will be cut companywide, bringing the total number of employees to around 950. …The cutbacks come just weeks after the group pumped more than half a million dollars into the successful effort to pass a gay-marriage ban in California.” To the suddenly unemployed Culture Warriors in Colorado: don’t be upset! And please don’t complain? No complaining!! If you complain, Jesus will kill you. MORE »

Here’s what Newt Gingrich tells Bill O’Reilly in response to the latest Homosexual-Mormon War battles: “I think there is a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose its will on the rest of us, is prepared to use violence, to use harassment. I think it is prepared to use the government if it can get control of it. I think that it is a very dangerous threat to anybody who believes in traditional religion.” Dude… they’re just Mormons. MORE »

Just a week or so ago, California Mormons reproduced in reptilian-fashion, thereby increasing their population several times over. “Be fruitful and multiply,” Joe the Mormon God commanded from a modernist ranch house atop a hill in LA. “This is in preparation for Election Day, when ye shall amass at the polls and vote in favor of Proposition 8.” It worked! And now gays and San Franciscans, with their despicable San Francisco values, have started anthraxing Mormon temples. You see, they know no other way. MORE »

…But be sure to wear a rubber! It is a true fact that all Mormons have space warts. [SFist]

Do you see this, America? If you vote “yes” on California Prop 8, YOU are authorizing Mitt Romney to come into your evil lesbian household and sniff your panties. [YouTube]