Tag Archives: prom

  gay prom nice time!

Gay Boy Gets To Go To Prom With Hella Cute Straight Boy Of His Dreams!

It is the weekend, which means we need a Nice Time, and it’s a GOOD ONE. Remember prom? That thing that happened in high school where the mean kids spilled pig blood all over you, so you unleashed your powers and murdered everybody? Ha ha, no, you did not do that, you are not Carrie! You stayed home from your prom, duh. Well, here is a gay kid who is DEFINITELY going, because his best friend, a straight guy, asked him in the most adorable way. Read more on Gay Boy Gets To Go To Prom With Hella Cute Straight Boy Of His Dreams!…
  Nice Time Lesbian Apparel Update

Super Rad Louisiana Lesbian Will Dance At Her Prom In A Tuxedo After All!

Take THAT, tuxedo snatchers!
Well that was fast! On Monday, we told the story of a really cool high-school kid in Monroe, Louisiana, named Claudetteia Love. She’s an out lesbian, and  she just wanted to wear a damn tuxedo to her prom, because she likes them. What could be wrong with that? Oh, the “lesbian” part, that’s what tripped up the school principal and some of the asshole adults who make up the faculty at Carroll High School. So the principal, Patrick Taylor, went and made up a new rule that said “no lesbians in tuxes at the prom,” because boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, or something, and Love and her friends decided they would just skip it. Read more on Super Rad Louisiana Lesbian Will Dance At Her Prom In A Tuxedo After All!…
  No tux is complete without a boutonnierre and a penis

Louisiana Principal Determined To Ruin Prom For Bad-A** Tux-Wearing Lesbian Honors Student

Bad-ass Janelle Monae rocking a tux, GONNA BAN HER FROM PROM TOO?
Priorities! Carroll High School in Monroe, Louisiana, has them! Claudetteia Love is 17, she is a top honors student headed to college on a full scholarship, and she would like to go the prom with her friends. She would also like to wear a tuxedo, because that’s what she’s most comfortable in. All of this is great, except for the fact that she is a damn lesbian, and they just don’t take kindly to that sort of thing in MON-roe (spelled phonetically for non-Southern readers, for future reference): Read more on Louisiana Principal Determined To Ruin Prom For Bad-A** Tux-Wearing Lesbian Honors Student…
  Ain't no party like a Communist party because it's MANDATORY

Very Smart Children Holding ‘Communist’ Prom To Warm Our Cold Tyrannical Hearts

Communist par-TAY
Turns out conservatives were right. Decades of liberal indoctrination by commie thug teachers have trickled down to the high schools, and now the brainwashed students at Albuquerque’s Cottonwood (COMMUNIST!) Classical (COMMUNIST!) Preparatory (COMMUNIST!!!) School have democratically voted, as one does in a communist society, to turn their prep school into a hotbed of communism. With punch and dancing! Read more on Very Smart Children Holding ‘Communist’ Prom To Warm Our Cold Tyrannical Hearts…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Fun Tips For Hiding Your Loaded Guns

Hurrah, Yr Derp Roundup is back after a brief hiatus, and we are delighted to bring you a premium selection of the gunk that was stuck to our browser tabs, stories that didn’t quite merit a post of their own, but were too stupid to ignore altogether. We recommend adding the reality-dilution substances of your choice. Read more on Derp Roundup: Fun Tips For Hiding Your Loaded Guns…
  dancin' fool

Old Handsome Joe Biden Can’t Take Teen To Prom, Sends Corsage And Undersecretary Of Commerce Instead

Talia Maselli of Newington, Connecticut, is officially Yr. Wonkette’s favorite teen of the day, because of her excellent taste in men. Last fall, she sent a prom invitation to her ideal date: Old Handsome Joe Biden. Smart girl, thinks ahead. Unfortunately the Veep couldn’t make it, even after this seemingly irresistible pitch: “I am inviting you so far in advance because I’m sure many 17-year-old girls send you prom invitations, and I had to beat them to it … I could only tolerate a high school dance if I was to be escorted by the most delightful man in America.” And if Biden didn’t go, she might ask out John Boehner instead, she said. “And we can’t have that now can we?” Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Can’t Take Teen To Prom, Sends Corsage And Undersecretary Of Commerce Instead…
  KFCLassy

Enhance Your Child’s Prom Experience By Making Them Wear A Piece Of KFC Chicken Strapped To Their Wrist

Perhaps you have a teenager getting ready for prom. You will of course be adorning them in the finest camouflage dresses that money can buy, but what about a corsage? Why not pick something classic, something that can be easily used for their shotgun wedding as well: the Kentucky Fried Chicken corsage. Read more on Enhance Your Child’s Prom Experience By Making Them Wear A Piece Of KFC Chicken Strapped To Their Wrist…
  candy is dandy but happy links are quicker

Cat Videos And Prom Pix In Today’s Happy Nice Time Links! Wait, What?

Good afternoon and welcome to your heaping helping of Happy links. We actually really really unironically liked this camouflage prom dress! Stephen Colbert had to go to war with himself to figure out how he can remain a devout Catholic and a fervent cash-grabbing capitalist. Read more on Cat Videos And Prom Pix In Today’s Happy Nice Time Links! Wait, What?…
  Is that an impure thought in your pants or just happy to see me?

Homeschooled Slut Kicked Out Of Prom For Giving ‘Impure Thoughts’ To Creepy Dads

Virginia may be for lovers and mandatory ultrasounds, but it is not for girls who give daddies impure thoughts in their pants with their slutty prom dresses. A 17-year-old Virginia girl said she was kicked out of a prom for homeschooled teens because she aroused “impure thoughts” in some adult male chaperones. […] The Richmond teen said one of the women who organized the prom checked her dress and she showed her that it met the “fingertip length” requirement. […] The same chaperone who had checked her dress then pulled her aside while she swayed to the music and talked to her friends. The woman told her that some of the fathers who volunteered at the event thought her dancing was “too provocative” and could provoke “impure thoughts” in boys at the dance. We need to go choke on our vomit now, be right back. Read more on Homeschooled Slut Kicked Out Of Prom For Giving ‘Impure Thoughts’ To Creepy Dads…
  soon to be a major teen novel series

Mean O.C. Principal Kills Prom Date ‘Draft,’ Because She Is Old And Ugly, Maybe A Lesbo?

The students at Corona del Mar High School in Newport Beach, California, are about to have their fun tradition ruined by political correctness, looks like, because the school administration is going to shut down an annual “prom draft” that somehow became a thing. It worked sort of like a sportsball draft, “ranking female students and selling first-round picks to those eager for a top selection,” but now the mean old principal, Kathy Scott, is trying to shut it down, because she doesn’t have a sense of humor and is probably just jealous. Read more on Mean O.C. Principal Kills Prom Date ‘Draft,’ Because She Is Old And Ugly, Maybe A Lesbo?…
  focus on your own damn family

Heroic Colorado Ladies Lysol Students At Prom For Pretending To Do Butt-Sechs

Hey teens! Are you ready for the most magical night of your lives, when you will go to Manitou Springs City Hall and dance like you are pretending to do butt-sechs, and then later you will finally lose your stupid virginity in a haze of Bartles & Jaymes? That’s right, PROM NIGHT! Well, two chaperones did not think much of your “slutty, whorish, trashy” ways, and so they ran around the dance calling you sluts and whores, calling the cops on you, and then spraying you with Lysol. “It cleans the air,” but can it clean your chlamydia? As detailed by police, several teenagers told officers that the chaperones subsequently deployed the Lysol, which got into the eyes and mouths of some dancers (some of whom had to leave the prom). A female student reported the spraying to police, saying that [Jennifer] Farmer and [Hannah] Rockey said that some dancers “were advertising butt sex.” The chaperones, the girl told cops, referred to her and her friends as “sluts and whores” and “dirty.” Read more on Heroic Colorado Ladies Lysol Students At Prom For Pretending To Do Butt-Sechs…
  first they came for the confederate flag dress

Why Is This Tennessee School Racist Against This Nice Girl’s Confederate Flag Dress?

Like any other girl who dreams of the magical night that is her prom, high school senior Texanna Edwards just wanted to dress up as the muscle car from “The Dukes Of Hazzard,” the General Lee. The lady who was the prom sponsor suggested before the Confederate flag dress was made that this was a bad idea, and that Texanna needed to clear it with the school principal. But Texanna didn’t ask for approval, Texanna says, because “I didn’t think I needed to. I had one teacher tell me it was a bad idea. but I just thought she only said that because it would offend people.” Makes sense so far! Then Texanna got to prom and they wouldn’t let her in unless she went home and changed, but Texanna didn’t want to go home and change, because why would the principal tell her a Confederate flag dress was “offensive and inappropriate” when everybody knows that is not the case it is about heritage or something and it’s not like Gibson County High School has had race problems except that it has? Read more on Why Is This Tennessee School Racist Against This Nice Girl’s Confederate Flag Dress?…
  nsfw! nsfw! nsfw!

Michelle Obama Ends War On Women Ceasefire With Disgraceful Prom Photo

Everything was going great with the women and the men, who stopped fighting against women/each other this weekend just long enough to watch ‘Shark Tank’ and eat a few hot dogs, but now Michelle Obama has something to say. It is a picture, which as you know can say a lot, especially if the picture is of a lot. It is this, a picture from her high school prom. And in it she looks like a movie star on a trip to India or something. The wicker chair. The prop stylist on this Whitney Young High Prom ’81 photo shoot had a gift. The First Lady shared this photo on, WHERE ELSE, blasphemous variety program ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show,’ on which a homosexual woman is said by critics to “only encourage” people to be themselves, high dress slits and all. Read more on Michelle Obama Ends War On Women Ceasefire With Disgraceful Prom Photo…
  daydreamin'

Mike Huckabee Fantasizes About Prom Night Fling With John McCain

As a presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee had no money, staff, or knowledge of foreign policy. He did have an economic policy, but it was the Fair Tax, that famously comical pyramid scheme. So how did he get the second most delegates? Metaphors. Extended metaphors. Millions of extended metaphors about key lime pie and yard work and skinning ducks, or other archetypal aspects of the Average American’s daily life. And now that he wants to be John McCain’s vice president, he has a new metaphor to explain the situation: he wants the football captain to ask him to prom, mostly because he wants to wear a pretty dress. Read more on Mike Huckabee Fantasizes About Prom Night Fling With John McCain…
 

WHCD Roundup: You Didn’t Have to Be There

So did everyone else have a good time at the party? Huh? * Chris Hitchens said the event was lame and beyond parody, and went on to demonstrate his extensive knowledge of things that are beyond parody by going home and hosting a shitty afterparty. With David Carr, who later wrote an article about how ridiculous the whole scene is. Media is fun! * Did you know: the original Bush routine was going to be a painful musical number with the President, Clinton, and Bush 41. Hillary said no, though, and we thank her for it. * Chris Hitchens was still standing as his party ended, shockingly. * Arianna Huffington’s mysterious black eye remained mysterious: she left the dinner early to fly back to LA on David Geffen’s jet. * Patrick Gavin spent Saturday afternoon taking pictures of everyone’s crotch. * Dana Milbank employed state-of-the-art Get Smart technology to file his afterparty report. * Ana Marie Cox punched out Eric Alterman and took his wallet. Metaphorically. No, wait, literally. It coulda happened, you weren’t there. * Same deal with Karl Rove and Laurie David. Read more on WHCD Roundup: You Didn’t Have to Be There…
 

WHCD Reception Photos Are Here! Wake the Kids!

Here, at long last, are your pictures from the White House Correspondents’ dinner. Thrill to Newt Gingrich, Morgan Fairchild, Michael Bloomberg, Eliot Spitzer, Mitt Romney, Tim Gunn, and the usual gang of idiots who are at this shitshow every year. Read more on WHCD Reception Photos Are Here! Wake the Kids!…