Dagnabbit we were assured in no uncertain terms that Barack Obama was an unrepentant Marxist who would “spread the wealth around” and socialize medicine, plus other valuable American industries such as porn and sports teams. Everybody was going to win/get rich with virtually zero effort, except for the hard-working white Americans we would enslave for the Cause! Obama rode this wave of pro-Socialist sentiment to become President of our Second Great Depression. Only now have many proud netizens realized that our beloved Muslim Marxist was actually just some lousy centrist moderate type with a sober, pragmatic approach to governing and no intention of socializing anything, not even Major League Baseball. MORE »

Who is the most temperamental, childish, stunt-driven candidate in the 2008 election? If you answered WALNUTS!, you’re close, but you are still wrong. The answer is Ralph Nader, who, coincidentally, also has the worst hummus recipe of any candidate for high public office. Today Nader held a press conference and refused to supply more than a one-word answer to every question. This was a “statement,” apparently, on the “sound-byte nature of election coverage.” MORE »