IN WHICH WE LIVEBLOG YOUR DEATH, TONIGHT: Hello friends. The President, Barack Obama, would like to speak to his nation of douchebags this p.m. You will report back here at 7:30 ET for “pre-game” liveblogging, followed by speech liveblogging, followed by liveblogging of whichever loser is giving the GOP response. For now, however, your Wonkette is dreadfully tired and must go take a nap in the trashcan, with the rats. If you go to the Huff Po you should be able to find about 10 billion “WHAT OBAMA MUST DO IN HEALTH SPEACH” articles (all by Alec Baldwin) from which you might arm yourself with Knowledge.

• IMPORTANT FAREWELL ADDRESS LIVEBLOG AT 8 P.M. LIBERAL TIME: Hey George W. Bush, fuck you. Liveblog of his farewell address to America will start here, on the Internet, at 8 p.m. Eastern.

• YOU’RE ALL INVITED TO WONKETTE’S HILLARY CLINTON POOL PARTY: Tomorrow, Washington, D.C. will reach a heat index of 105 degrees, Fahrenheit. You will not be able to play outside, so you might as well watch Hillary’s big farewell speech in which she will endorse Senator Barack Obama, depending on your interpretation of “endorse” (shoot?). The speech is planned for noon, and your Wonkette will be here to liveblog it, since we’ll already have been awake for five hours watching Cartoons. Join!

Hardball is exhilarating right now. Pat Buchanan is screaming at Chris Matthews about patronizing to West Virginia, calling him a dick, and Chris Matthews is telling Pat Buchanan that he’s a has-been racist sympathizer. Somehow this is about John Edwards, Son of the South. Just thought it was worth sharing.

Oh my god Pat Buchanan is so mad. This is comedy gold, run to the teevee! UPDATE: Here’s some video, which cuts out many of the best parts, but also includes many of them. MORE »