Today is THE DAY, the first day of the new Supreme Court, starring Sonia Sotomayor. The first case is something about how long is too long to wait to call a lawyer after being arrested. Oh! Well! How long is too long for your Wonkette to wait to discuss the excitement that is the thing we just described? Is “forever o’clock” too long? Good! Anyway, here’s this comical other case, in which some “Choose Life Illinois, Inc.” DEMANDED that the Illinois Supreme Court force the state to sell and manufacture the conspicuously poorly designed license plates pictured right over there. MORE »

Krispy Kreme wants to help you celebrate Barack Obama’s inauguration by giving you a donut! Obviously this is a metaphor for abortion. Read their shocking press release after the jump. MORE »

Here was a goodie from last night: the part where Barack Obama tries to explain to all the morbid nuts in America who get into a froth over the thought of him dumpster-diving for tasty “failed abortions” that in fact no, he is no big fan of late-term abortion and would ban it if there were an exception for the health of the mother. And John McCain snorts, “Health, what is that malarkey, this ‘health of the mother’ is some crazy fiction dreamed up by liberals so that ladies can keep slutting around all the time.” [TPM]

“Bristol Palin, one of Alaska Gov. Palin’s five children with her husband, Todd, is about five months pregnant and is going to keep the child and marry the father, the Palins said in a statement released by the campaign of Republican presidential candidate John McCain.” WAIT, WHAT? MORE »

Maverick John McCain is at it again, sticking his finger in the eye of the Republican establishment by saying he wouldn’t rule out a pro-choice running mate. Two names came to mind — Tom Ridge and Michael Bloomberg — and in a recent interview with the Weekly Standard McCain strained to point out that Ridge was far more appealing because he only loved abortions, not both abortions and The Gays. MORE »

The Idaho strawberry farmer who legally changed his name to Pro-Life and planned to appear as such on the U.S. Senate ballot this fall is being thwarted by corrupt local politicians. The Idaho Senate has passed some emergency legislation that “would require candidates who change their name to their stance on the issues instead of a traditional name have a note added to the ballot noting their former name.” Quick quick, someone send any dumb liberal watchdog group over there — they are saying he doesn’t have a “traditional name” & that’s racist!! MORE »

Jesus criminy, this news makes us forget entirely about the 5-year-old Iraq War thing this morning! Because like you, we have been fearing the next Congress and its unfortunate lack of gay Idaho Senator Larry Craig. (That is, unless he changes his mind and runs for reelection, which is likely). But can Craig’s seat be usurped by an equally comical legislator-monkey? No, but one candidate in the open-seat Idaho senate race shows great potential. Meet independent candidate Marvin Richardson, who has legally changed his name to “Pro-Life.” Wonkette hereby endorses him for any office he ever wants. MORE »

Today was the big Abortion Thingy on The Mall! Yay! Since my day job is right in the middle of it, I decided to go all photojournalisty on you. And what did I learn? First of all, these people couldn’t possibly be whiter. Also: What they lack in spelling skills, they make up for in juvenile voter fraud! Plus, of course, there were Paultards. To quote John Waters, I wish I were a girl so that I could get an abortion! More pictures after the jump…

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As a public service to our readers in Ohio, if your funds are a little low at the moment, you might want to lend a hand to Jennifer Black, better known as Congressthing Jean Schmidt’s evil twin. And it’s easy! All you have to do is find those meanies who keep defacing and/or destroying the pro-life signs on the grounds of the no-doubt ultraswanky Schmidt family farm. Heck, that doesn’t sound very hard: a couple of nights hiding in a field with a shotgun for five franklins? It’s like shooting cultural warrior fish in a barrel. And the opportunity to stand that close to Jean Schmidt’s shared gene pool? Heck, we’d do that for free. MORE »