Tag Archives: pro-life

  nice time!

Pro-Life Colorado Republicans Angry That Teen Abortion Rate Declining

They work!
Who would have guessed that the “pro-life” sex education plan, which is essentially “do not have sex ever, you whore,” doesn’t work? Everyone would have guessed that! But Colorado has a lesson to teach America about what DOES work, and it is free birth control for everyone, so that ladies can do sex without worrying about unplanned pregnancies. We’re not sure the religious right will like this news, because it also means that ladies can do sex without asking their permission: Read more on Pro-Life Colorado Republicans Angry That Teen Abortion Rate Declining…
  Also pro-lifey

Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts

It'll just screw you harder
Now that the “pro-life” Republicans of Texas have saved women from access to abortion, for their own safety, by shutting down almost all of the state’s clinics, they’re ready to solve the next problem: too much access to cancer screenings. Read more on Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts…
  God Gets Quite Irate

Wisconsin Abortion Bill Lets Sad Daddies Sue If Their Sacred Sperm Is Wasted

Yes, yes, he's from Texas, whatever. So sue for emotional damage.
Gosh, is there anything that could be more awful about Wisconsin’s new abortion bill? How about a provision giving men the right to sue doctors for “emotional and psychological distress” when their precious genetic material is cruelly aborted after 20 weeks? Yep, that’s pretty sucky. Wouldn’t it be enough just to give the guy a copy of the mandatory ultrasound, since those pictures are such joyous occasions? Read more on Wisconsin Abortion Bill Lets Sad Daddies Sue If Their Sacred Sperm Is Wasted…
  he knows what Kids These Days are into

Gov. Scott Walker: Ultrasounds Are So Hella Cool They Should Be MANDATORY

Knows what is cool and what is not cool.
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker does not understand why you libtards do not like the nice anti-abortion bill he signed in 2013. Recently, a federal judge smacked part of it down, saying that requiring abortion doctors to have admitting privileges at a nearby hospital is “unconstitutional,” like as if. Walker told wingnut radio host Dana Loesch he doesn’t understand why everybody isn’t excited about a different part of his totally baller law, the part that forces ladies who want abortions to have ultrasounds and hear descriptions of the fetus. (It looks like a fetus!) Why? Because ultrasounds are totally cool, bro: Read more on Gov. Scott Walker: Ultrasounds Are So Hella Cool They Should Be MANDATORY…
  That's not what 'libertarian' means

Rand Paul Thinks States Should Regulate Your Vag, Except For When He Wants To

You can trust him, he's a doctor
The “libertarian” senator from Kentucky does not want to talk about abortion, m’kay? Bitcoins and drones and how we should go back to the 1800s except for that slavery stuff, maybe, and Bill Clinton’s blowjob (totally Hillary’s fault) — that’s all good. Rand Paul loves that stuff. He will trip over his own tongue ALL DAY on that nonsense. But little babbies and whether he wants to save them or kill them dead, in your womb? Nah, man, that’s not why he’s been a senator for .37 seconds and is already ready to pretend he’s ready to be president: Read more on Rand Paul Thinks States Should Regulate Your Vag, Except For When He Wants To…
  GOP outreach strikes again!

House GOP Figures It’s Safe To Ban Abortion Now That Everyone’s Stopped Paying Attention

You're cool with this now, right?
As further evidence that the GOP really “gets” chicks, House Republicans murdered the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act to ban abortions after 20 weeks back in January, which they’d hoped to pass on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, to be dicks. But five months is enough time to get over that, right? So they’re planning to bring it up for a vote again next week: Read more on House GOP Figures It’s Safe To Ban Abortion Now That Everyone’s Stopped Paying Attention…
  Breakin' the law

Law-Breaking DC ‘Pro-Lifers’ Will Keep Firing Whores, For Jesus

You're fired!
Here is a fun fact for you: “pro-lifers”? They are mostly assholes. Even the ones who don’t try to murder doctors and bomb health clinics. In Washington DC, they’re taking a brief intermission from crawling up your vagina with a Bible and a stern look to announce to the world that they do not give a good goddamn about the district’s new dumb “law” that says employers cannot discriminate against lady workers or their families just for swinging by Planned Parenthood before yoga class: Read more on Law-Breaking DC ‘Pro-Lifers’ Will Keep Firing Whores, For Jesus…
  we all did dumb shit in the 90s though

‘Pro-Life’ Mike Huckabee Sure Liked The Idea Of Killing AIDS Patients In The ’90s!

Huckabee's 1992 guitar riff on AIDS patients was sick, man. No really, it was kind of sick.
Disclaimer: We all did dumb things in the 1990s. We wore Girbaud clothing, we carried our backpacks over one shoulder even when they held 50 pounds worth of books, we got “skater cuts,” and so on. And some of us got REAL DUMB in the ’90s, like Mike Huckabee, who, during his failed 1992 Senate run, thought it would be just great if we gave the death penalty to people who gave people AIDS, and also believed that AIDS patients in general should be quarantined. According to an article from the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, Huckabee’s “crime plan” said that “the death penalty should be required for people who try to kill law enforcement officers, terrorists, major drug dealers and anyone who transmits a deadly virus, such as AIDS.” Huckabee added that “[t]he person put to death will never again take the life of an American citizen.” Read more on ‘Pro-Life’ Mike Huckabee Sure Liked The Idea Of Killing AIDS Patients In The ’90s!…
  Triumph Of The Living Will

Jeb Bush Gonna Death-Panel Americans To Death, With Death Panels!

OK, it's a little heavyhanded. Except maybe compared to passing a law to keep someone on life support forever.
Probable presidential candidate John Ellis Bush (“Jeb”) Bush, fresh off his recent interview bragging about how he saved Terri Schiavo’s life real good 13 years ago, has given some thought to how future governors can be saved from the anguish that he had to suffer in that case, and he thinks maybe the answer is that patients on Medicare should be required to make a plan for the kind of end-of-life care they want. You know, death panels. Read more on Jeb Bush Gonna Death-Panel Americans To Death, With Death Panels!…
  mommyblogging

Shut Up Paul Anka, Ben Shapiro’s Dad Has Written Greatest Pro-Life Anthem OF ALL TIME!

Move over, Paul Anka. There is a new pro-life anthem in town, and not a minute too soon because “You’re Having My Baby” came out over 40 years ago! Let’s remind ourselves of the glory and perfection that was the song about how Paul Anka is super glad his woman did not put a coathanger to the fruit of his jism: Read more on Shut Up Paul Anka, Ben Shapiro’s Dad Has Written Greatest Pro-Life Anthem OF ALL TIME!…
  Usually Kaili is mad about a thing but it's MY TURN BITCHEZ

Walmart Withholds Medicine From Lady Who Miscarried, Because She’s Probably A Sinner

Everyone woman should have babies except not
Imagine you are a lady, and you are going through the sadness that comes with a miscarriage. This is one of those times in life, we imagine (as we are a dude), that you really don’t want to deal with any bullshit, just a guess? So you go to the doctor, and he gives you a prescription for Misoprostol, which will help your body pass the tissue, instead of having to go through an invasive, unpleasant procedure to extract it. Doc calls your scrip in to the friendly neighborhood Walmart, but the pharmacist refuses to fill it, because Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs. You see, this particular drug can ALSO cause an abortion, which is not a FUCKING PROBLEM if you have already miscarried, now is it? But that is exactly what happened to Brittany Cartrett of Milledgeville, Georgia: Read more on Walmart Withholds Medicine From Lady Who Miscarried, Because She’s Probably A Sinner…
  How Is Babby Incarcerated?

Wisconsin Likes Jailing Pregnant Ladies Too, For The Children

Pregnant women are for punishin'
Looks like Wisconsin is the latest state to get in on the hot new “Throw Pregnant Women in Jail” trend. Motivated in equal parts by the “pro-life” movement and plain old misogyny — but we repeat ourselves — prosecutors in Alabama and Texas have been jailing pregnant women who have tested positive for drug use. This is ostensibly for the sake of the fetus, because any woman who’d take drugs while pregnant is obviously a child abuser, but the women treated to the states’ tender mercies often end up getting lousy prenatal care in prison, not to mention their diminished job prospects once the babby is born and mom has a criminal record. And now Wisconsin is getting in on the trend, too. Read more on Wisconsin Likes Jailing Pregnant Ladies Too, For The Children…
  She makes a bag of hammers look good

Is Iowa’s Lady Wannabe Senator Joni Ernst Stupid Or Just Really Stupid?

Give her a minute she's trying to figure it out
Iowa state Sen. Joni Ernst is definitely not the brightest belle in the drawer. She’s hoping to get elected to the U.S. Senate on a platform of arresting the government for Obamacare, warning the rural folk about Agenda 21’s plot to make them ride bicycles like common Chinese, and also something about castrating pigs. Read more on Is Iowa’s Lady Wannabe Senator Joni Ernst Stupid Or Just Really Stupid?…
  Stand With Wendy (With Your Dollars)

Now Wendy Davis Can’t Even Have Abortions Right

You may have heard the SHOCKING! news that Wendy Davis, Democratic candidate for Texas governor and Yr Wonkette’s 2013 State Legislative Badass, has written a memoir, Forgetting To Be Afraid, in which she discusses, for the first time, that she (shudder! gasp! hide the children!) had not one but TWO abortions: the first, in 1994, when she terminated an ectopic pregnancy, which doctors said was necessary to save her life; and the second, two years later, when her unborn daughter, whom she had already named Tate Elise, had “a severe brain abnormality” and would be in a “permanent vegetative state,” if she even survived to term. It was, she said in an interview with Robin Roberts of “Good Morning America,” a “tragic experience” for her family. Read more on Now Wendy Davis Can’t Even Have Abortions Right…
  Cute

Abortion Rights Group Gives Coat Hanger Pendants To Donors, Furious Wingnuts Don’t Realize Joke’s On Them

The DC Abortion Fund has found a very clever way to trick anti-choice right-wing social engineers into using their outraged Twittering to help DCAF raise some serious cash, for buying abortions! If you give the DC Abortion Fund $10 a month, you’ll get a tiny coat hanger, ideal for wearing as a pendant or neatly storing your pet hamster’s tuxedo, which would also make a pretty cool pendant. Of course, for DCAF’s tactic to work, the anti-choice crowd had to cooperate by totally failing to realize that the coat hanger is a joke at their expense — that if they succeed in banning abortion, the old horror days of coat hangers and tumbles down stairs and thousands of dead women will inevitably return. So did they cooperate? Did they fail to realize that they are the real coat hangers? Oh Twitchy, did they ever! Read more on Abortion Rights Group Gives Coat Hanger Pendants To Donors, Furious Wingnuts Don’t Realize Joke’s On Them…
  for the girl who has everything

Only 341 Days To Buy Us This Adorable, Non-Creepy 3-D Printed Fetus For Christmas

Since you can’t wrap up ‘arrogant self-righteousness’ in a box, what do you get your pro-life friend for Christmas? Fast Company has found self-righteousness’s runner-up: A 3D fetus “figurine”! Holy drunken goatfucker, that is creepy. But wait! Like those infomercials you watch while high at 3 am, THERE’S MORE. Read more on Only 341 Days To Buy Us This Adorable, Non-Creepy 3-D Printed Fetus For Christmas…
  it was much funnier in the parrot sketch

Mike Huckabee Explains How Taking Dead Girl Off Life Support Is Like Forced Abortions In Auschwitz

By now you probably know the sad, awful story of Jahi McMath, the Oakland, California 13-year-old who suffered complications after a complex tonsillectomy, leaving her brain-dead. Her family, however, refuses to accept that “no blood flow to the brain” and “no electrical activity in the brain or brain stem” are the same as “really, actually dead.” So since December 12, they have kept her body alive, on a ventilator, and hope to move her to a long-term care facility where machines will continue to make her heart pump and her lungs breathe, even though brain death is final and irreversible — this is not a persistent vegetative state like that of Terri Schiavo; this is just plain death. And so, of course, potential 2016 Republican candidate Mike Huckabee thinks Jahi’s body should be kept hooked up to a machine, because he is so very pro-life that he believes that brain-dead people can get better (they can’t). It’s sort of reassuring to know that, no matter how tragic a situation might be, there’s always the chance that a rightwing politician will find a way to jump in and make it even worse. Read more on Mike Huckabee Explains How Taking Dead Girl Off Life Support Is Like Forced Abortions In Auschwitz…
  keep your government hands off my license plate

Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli Personally Lying To All The Sluts About Their Bortions

Ken Kkuccinelli – sorry – Cuccinelli – sorry – Saint Cooch Nobortions is going to lose Virginia’s governorship to Terry McAuliffe, a muppet. Maybe Cooch is losing because Cooch’s ideas are bad and wrong, like for example he wants to criminalize sodomy again, and he wants to get rid of abortions. Maybe it’s because people associate him with E.W. Jackson, because of how they’re both running for statewide office as Republicans and they’re both super interested in seeing what happens when you govern a modern US state based on their Double Fantasies of What Would White Capitalist Gun-Having Jesus Do? Either way, he’s losing. But can NARAL Pro-Choice America pile on, and humiliate Cooch Screwed The Pooch even more utterly? Like for example by releasing a video that directly ties him to the “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” that are funded by Virginia’s “Choose Life” license plates, where women are told terrible lies that could harm their health? YES THEY CAN! Boy, can they ever: Read more on Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli Personally Lying To All The Sluts About Their Bortions…
  we can take the circus all the way to the border

Arkansas Limits Abortions To Six Or Seven Minutes After Conception

Existing abortion rulings — including that big shiny one from the Supreme Court — make it pretty clear: Women have a right to abortion access in the period before the child is viable outside the womb. Unable to push time restrictions back much further than around 20 weeks, anti-abortion legislators have instead resorted to other restrictions, like ultrasounding innocent women indiscriminately and making doctors explain the abortion procedure in iambic pentameter standing on one foot with Pantera playing in the background. Last week, the Arkansas state legislature limited abortions to that 20-week line, ostensibly because that’s when a fetus can feel pain, even if that’s not true at all. But that wasn’t good enough! They wanted to do more. But instead of passing an arbitrary law mandating all examination tables be made of ice cream, they did something that no one was counting on: They passed a law that is totally, clearly, stupidly, unconstitutional. Read more on Arkansas Limits Abortions To Six Or Seven Minutes After Conception…
  just making things up

Genius-Doctor Indiana Republicans Approve Religion-Based Ultrasounds, How Nice Of Them

You’ve heard of RU-486, right? It’s that pill women can take that induces an abortion without anyone having to perform surgery. It’s way safer than surgical abortion (and pregnancy), and it doesn’t require any fancy surgical rooms to administer. It’s a good way to make abortions available in places where surgical ones, for whatever reason, are impractical. This, logically, makes Republicans very mad. The ones in Indiana are so mad, in fact, that if you try to get this legal, FDA-approved medication, they will put a stick in your hoo-ha! Read more on Genius-Doctor Indiana Republicans Approve Religion-Based Ultrasounds, How Nice Of Them…
  a gentleman and a scholar and actually neither

Shocker: ‘Legitimate Raper’ Todd Akin Was Really Mean To Women, Has Insane Murdery Friend

Craaaazy news out of Missouri, everybody. You will not believe which of their politicians was arrested eight times at abortion clinics, then got himself elected to the state legislature. Would you believe it was Sen. Todd Akin (R-Uterus)? It was! As hard as it might be to believe, the guy who got all scandalized after he decided to talk about “legitimate rape” is not just supportive of anti-abortion legislation, he was (ahem, allegedly) also so voceriferously abusive to women at clinics that the police had to carry him away. What dedication! Most people just donate to Richard Mourdock — Akin finds ladies and insults them, personally! Read more on Shocker: ‘Legitimate Raper’ Todd Akin Was Really Mean To Women, Has Insane Murdery Friend…
  bundles of joy

Get Ready For Your Close-Up, Tea Bag Pro-Life Congressman Who Pressured His Mistress To ‘Bortion His Baby

Bitches. All you’re trying to do is treat their foot fungus or whatever, and they hold you down and rape you probably, and then they tell you they are on the Pill or something, and then they get your sperm all up in them and it makes a little tiny baby! Obviously it is their fault your wife divorces you after initiating divorce proceedings two years prior when she found out about your first affair (of four). What can a future Tea Bag pro-life Congressman do but record himself on the phone pressuring the succubus-raper to get a ‘bortion of his tiny little Gift from God? Tennessee Congressman Scott DesJarlais, you are a walking Good Decision! Read more on Get Ready For Your Close-Up, Tea Bag Pro-Life Congressman Who Pressured His Mistress To ‘Bortion His Baby…