Tag: prison

What about Glenn Beck's future, huh?

Glenn Beck: Never Mind Saving America — Defeat Donald Trump To Save Glenn Beck!

The 'Casablanca' remake, with Glenn Beck as Victor Lazlo, should be epic.
Big Sister Is Watching You

Dinesh D’Souza’s ‘Hillary’s America’ Turns Your Angry Wingnut Uncle’s Emails Into A Movie

We watched Dinesh D'Souza's latest movie so you won't have to.
The smartest man in the room

Sen. Tom Cotton Dreams Of An America With Even More People In Prison

Sen. Tom Cotton offered a contrarian take on prison reform: we need to put a whole lot more people behind bars, ideally forever.
He feels just awful about all this, no more questions

Horndog Ol’ Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley Had Sex Chats With God, All Is Forgiven

a href="http://wonkette.com/600056/listen-to-alabama-governor-talk-about-touching-dirty-pillows-of-not-his-wife">Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley would like you all to just hush up now about all the sexxytimes he didn't have with his chief political advisor (and not-wife), Rebekah Caldwell Mason, because he and the LORD have talked it...

Republicans Still Gunning For Planned Parenthood, Maybe They’ll All End Up In Jail

This week, we all learned a valuable lesson about how doing crimes to Planned Parenthood doesn't pay. Or, more precisely, those of us who already knew that sat back and laughed and drank sad "pro-life" tears because the lying crook fraudster...

Fox News Outraged Planned Parenthood Witch Hunt Burning Wrong Witches

Sure is tough to be a rightwing "pro-life" full-of-bull propaganda machine these days. On Monday, we learned the sleazy jizz rags behind the "gotcha" videos of Planned Parenthood doing "crimes" to "baby parts" have been indicted in Houston, Texas, for being...

You’ll Never Guess Who Might Be Going To Prison For Those Planned Parenthood Videos

Last year, we heard some devastating whoa if true horror stories about Planned Parenthood. Undercover videos released by a group of "pro-life" terrorist-sympathizer scumbags called the Center for Medical Progress, led by cock rash James O'Keefe wannabe David Daleiden, confirmed the...
Sheriff Ricky Gervais will leave the standoff briefly to host the Golden Globes

Bundy Militia Dudes Meet With Sheriff, Will Continue War With Feds For Now

Here's a heck of a surprise: The Bundy Bunch Armed Resistance And Glee Club has decided that, despite the local sheriff's offer to escort them safely out of Oregon, they'd prefer to continue squatting at the federal wildlife refuge...
Not a smart man.

Fox News Hardly Mentions Bundys’ Latest Armed Standoff, Go Figure

So here we are in Day Three of the Bundy Bird Sanctuary Armed Standoff and not much has changed. The brave gun-fondling protectors of freedom are still holed up in a wildlife refuge in Oregon, law enforcement continues to give...
Wipe that smirk off your face, boy.

Pharma Douchebro Martin Shkreli Ain’t Got No Job No More :(

Oh no, Martin Shkreli is having another terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day! Just Thursday, he was arrested for the heinous crime of being the biggest dickbag in all of U.S. America, and also for maybe the teeny-weeniest smidge of fraud....
Menace to society.

Tennessee Ne’er Do Wells Can Wear Their Thug Pants IN JAIL

As we all know, the greatest threat we face as U.S. Americans, besides Muslims and Obama and gay marriage, is Kids These Days who wear their pants down low where you can see their fannies, and Bolivar Central High...
Congratulations, no one will ever know the details, you slime

Sicko Ex-Speaker Dennis Hastert Pleads Guilty, Might Go To Jail For 5 Minutes

Sooo many House speaker SEX SCANDALS since last we checked on (alleged) sick pervert Denny Hastert, the “safe” one who only became speaker in 1999, after all the other preferred choices had to run away in disgrace. We recently lost John...
Same as it ever was.

America Hears Pope’s Words On Death Penalty, Gets Back To Killing Folks ASAP

We're mad at New Pope at the moment, for having a secret Jesus tryst with Kim Davis where he reportedly told her she was some kind of freedom fighter, for refusing to do her job. But one thing everybody...
She's not a doctor, but...

Fox Chick Certain All The Man Prisoners Will Want Hoo-Has Now

You know that thing when a transgender person gets gender reassignment surgery, and everybody at Show And Tell is like "ooh, me too, this is the next hottest thing, gender reassignment surgery, MOOOOOOOMMMM, why does Jessa get gender reassignment...
You mean empathy isn't a dirty word? Even for *lawbreakers*?

Barack Obama Goes To Prison. Sorry, Wingnuts, He’s Just Visiting

Barack Obama made a bit of history Thursday, becoming the first sitting president to visit a federal prison. This follows a pretty impressive speech to the NAACP Wednesday, in which he said some things that, for a Democrat in...
Michael Grimm, tax cheat

Disgraced Former Rep. And Roid-Rager Michael Grimm Going To Pokey, For Tax Criming

Remember Michael Grimm? Probably not, but we will remind you. He was a Republican congressman from New York that one time, until he had to resign because of how he didn't report of all his wages and revenue and...