prison

So we were thinking this HuffPo article could not possibly be real, because this is the sort of shit that only happens on teevee when there was always one of the terrible caricatures of “liberal judges” on “Law and Order,” but unless Delaware now has its own not funny super depressing version of The Onion, […]

Just to prove that someone can be both a sociopath and a whiner, Norwegian mass killer Anders Breivik is protesting the conditions he must endure in prison, so he has announced he will go on a hunger strike if his jailers don’t grant him certain fundamental human rights, like video games that don’t suck. In […]

Tough On Crime has been a perennial favorite tagline for conservative politicians since Nixon, and 50 years of that shit has resulted in the US having the highest incarceration rate in the developed world. But now, in a tiny drop of sanity and rationality which is certain to bring out panicky screeching calls for his […]

Most people, when they’re being anesthetized for surgery, don’t get asked if maybe they’d like a little extra snip snip on their baby junk while they’re under. Most people aren’t Kimberly Jeffrey, who “says she was pressured by a doctor while sedated and strapped to a surgical table for a C-section in 2010, during a […]

Here is today’s quiz about capitalism: if y0u are in the prison-running business and you want to make a profit, do you: a) staff the prison with as few people as possible (to save money on wages) b) provide prisoners with plastic bags instead of toilets (to save money on expenses associated with water, plumbing, […]

Nobody say anything, less’n we jinx it, but a new study shows that we might in fact no longer be locking up black people at a rate six times that of their white-people counterparts! USA! USA! Oh wait no, we read it wrong. Black men are still being incarcerated at a rate of 6.4 black […]

So sometimes, when you can’t sleep, you watch Lockup on MSNBC at 3 a.m., and you think, “Wow, those guards deal with so much, it’s so good that they are so upstanding and not like the evil ones in movies and such.” But sometimes… they are. Not on television, of course, but, surprisingly, down in […]

We at Wonkette have been pretty excited about Louisiana lately, what with revealing that they are one of the more awful states of the union in terms of infant mortality and life expectancy and whatnot, and also because they will teach about the Loch Ness monster in science class (so long as they don’t have […]

A few weeks ago, we wondered if Louisiana had seceded from the Union or had been left to fend for itself, given that it has the highest infant mortality rate, the fifth-highest maternal mortality rate, the fourth-worst life expectancy rate, the fifth-highest violent crime rate, the second-highest poverty rate, and the fifth-highest obesity rate in […]

Watergate warrior Chuck Colson died. He was 80 years old. Colson was most famous for going above and beyond the law for disgraced President Richard “Dick” Nixon, thus becoming one of America’s first humiliated and imprisoned American heroes. (He served less than a year in prison for his role in “Watergate,” which was a political […]

BREAKUPS  4:27 pm April 21, 2011

Liberals Heckle Barack Obama

by Ken Layne

Have these people lost hope or something: “Protesters interrupted President Barack Obama at a campaign fund-raiser on Thursday to complain about the treatment in detention of a U.S. soldier accused of leaking documents that appeared on the WikiLeaks website,” Reuters reports. Come on, don’t mess up his fundraisers. How’s he supposed to get the billion […]

Tom DeLay is back in court today for the “sentencing phase” of his trial. Although DeLay “faces up to life in prison on the money laundering charge and up to 20 years on the conspiracy charge,” he is also “white” and “eligible for probation.” And apparently many Experts believe he will receive probation. Haha, oh […]

HOUSTON—Coming up tonight on 11 News at 10: Morning Anchor Christine Haas reveals some illegal immigrants are receiving sex change hormones while behind bars, and tax payers are footing the bill.  Here it is! The Perfect Storm! Is there any way this tiny statistic could converge with atheism and abortions as well? YOU HAVE TO […]

Jack Abramoff has finished his six-month stint working at Tov Pizza, “a modest kosher pizzeria in a heavily Jewish section of northwest Baltimore” — a job he held down while living in a halfway house following his stint in federal prison for being too good at his job and also ruining Tom DeLay’s beautiful life. […]

Your other editor Sara wrote earlier about how every governor candidate in Virginia has taken a shine to this hilarious & false idea that prison officials closely monitor third-grade test scores to determine how many jails they’ll need for the Dumbs in 15 years. But only Terry McAuliffe went ahead and made it into an […]