prison
U.S. America Not Locking As Many Black Folk Into Prison Forever Hooray!
Nobody say anything, less’n we jinx it, but a new study shows that we might in fact no longer be locking up black people at a rate six times that of their white-people counterparts! USA! USA! Oh wait no, we read it wrong. Black men are still being incarcerated at a rate of 6.4 black [...]
North Carolina Prison Warden Discovers ‘Hot Sauce On The Balls’ Not Legitimate Penal Policy
So sometimes, when you can’t sleep, you watch Lockup on MSNBC at 3 a.m., and you think, “Wow, those guards deal with so much, it’s so good that they are so upstanding and not like the evil ones in movies and such.” But sometimes… they are. Not on television, of course, but, surprisingly, down in [...]
Suspended From School In Mississippi? That’s A Jailing
We at Wonkette have been pretty excited about Louisiana lately, what with revealing that they are one of the more awful states of the union in terms of infant mortality and life expectancy and whatnot, and also because they will teach about the Loch Ness monster in science class (so long as they don’t have [...]
Louisiana Leading Way in Prison Privatization, Rest of U.S. Catching Up
A few weeks ago, we wondered if Louisiana had seceded from the Union or had been left to fend for itself, given that it has the highest infant mortality rate, the fifth-highest maternal mortality rate, the fourth-worst life expectancy rate, the fifth-highest violent crime rate, the second-highest poverty rate, and the fifth-highest obesity rate in [...]
We Won’t have Chuck Colson To Kick Around Anymore
Watergate warrior Chuck Colson died. He was 80 years old. Colson was most famous for going above and beyond the law for disgraced President Richard “Dick” Nixon, thus becoming one of America’s first humiliated and imprisoned American heroes. (He served less than a year in prison for his role in “Watergate,” which was a political [...]
Rich White Guy Tom DeLay Probably Won’t Go To Prison
Tom DeLay is back in court today for the “sentencing phase” of his trial. Although DeLay “faces up to life in prison on the money laundering charge and up to 20 years on the conspiracy charge,” he is also “white” and “eligible for probation.” And apparently many Experts believe he will receive probation. Haha, oh [...]
Yes, ‘Tax Money Paying For Jailed Illegal Immigrants’ Sex-Change Hormones’
HOUSTON—Coming up tonight on 11 News at 10: Morning Anchor Christine Haas reveals some illegal immigrants are receiving sex change hormones while behind bars, and tax payers are footing the bill. Here it is! The Perfect Storm! Is there any way this tiny statistic could converge with atheism and abortions as well? YOU HAVE TO [...]
Jack Abramoff No Longer Working At Zionist Pizza Joint
Jack Abramoff has finished his six-month stint working at Tov Pizza, “a modest kosher pizzeria in a heavily Jewish section of northwest Baltimore” — a job he held down while living in a halfway house following his stint in federal prison for being too good at his job and also ruining Tom DeLay’s beautiful life. [...]
Terry McAuliffe Has Created His Masterpiece
Your other editor Sara wrote earlier about how every governor candidate in Virginia has taken a shine to this hilarious & false idea that prison officials closely monitor third-grade test scores to determine how many jails they’ll need for the Dumbs in 15 years. But only Terry McAuliffe went ahead and made it into an [...]
New Depression’s Latest Casualty: Our Sacred Death Penalty
Man, you know what costs gazillions of dollars of taxpayer money? Executin’ people! With appeals and increased housing costs, the tab to house a prisoner and eventually carry out the death penalty can run upwards of $3 million. Conversely, just keeping somebody in jail forever costs a mere $1.1 million or so.
You Can Go Home Again, If You’re White
Scooter’s Going Up the River
Checking In With Drunken Crook Jim Gibbons
blog advertising is good for you
