Mark Sanford reviewed Ayn Rand (like as a human?) for Newsweek. This is a thing that happened! Anyway, Mark Sanford really did not think this whole thing out, publishing his close reading masterwork in Newsweek, as this essay has all the makings of a winner of The Ayn Rand Institute’s annual 8th to 10th grade Anthem essay contest! Grand prize = $85,000, and plus your name and high school gets posted on the Ayn Rand fansite, which will become hilarious for your friends by 11th grade at the very latest. Anyway, see if you can tell which conjectures came from Mark Sanford’s Newsweek essay and which came from the 2009 Anthem contest winner from “Mariemont High School, Cincinnati, OH, USA.” As always, grand prize is an “iPhone,” except the “i” is capitalized and shit because RIGHTS OF THE INDIVIDUAL SDLFJSLDK. MORE »

It’s funny because today’s paper is actually a step up, standards-and-decency-wise, from last week’s article about the President’s dog.

(Wonkette fingers “Jon H” for the tip.)

“A White House press official was certain—the scoop on the poop was a crock. The press office checked with the Air Force One flight crew who said Bo had not desecrated the jet. Other big news beckoned: the health-care overhaul, rising unemployment and a debate over the war in Afghanistan. But we were nagged by a question—was the pile denial a White House cover up?” This is Peggy Noonan’s most prescient column yet. [PULITZER BAIT]

The Washington Post is offering you a very special once-in-a-lifetime chance to write a weekly journalistic politics opinion column! If you have ever had dreams of BEING YOUR OWN RICHARD COHEN, now is the time to enter the Post’s “America’s Next Great Pundit” contest, the grand prize of which is an actual opinion column in The Washington Post, which your Wonkette Fact-Checking Desk has Googled and apparently used to be some sort of newspaper, back in the 70s. MORE »

Wow, this gal is a quick healer! Less than a month ago her jaw was wired shut, and here she is talking again. She says it’s good that newspapers are going bankrupt, because this is how competition works in the Free Market, and competition is good, because people want more choices rather than less, and so offering people fewer choices in print media is … awesome? Whatever, nobody ever said Ann Coulter had to make sense. [YouTube]

You know how every newspaper in the world (of New Hampshire) endorsed WALNUTS! and then he bragged about it in an ad? Well apparently in Michigan — where he’s in a tight battle for the republic with Mittens — its particular flavor of dying print journalism also loves the crazy old man. McCain brags about this, too, in a new ad that is the exact same thing as the New Hampshire ad, just with different words.

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