Jesus, did anybody ever like this guy? Well, whatever “good will” he established by, uh, having an affair with a fat gal in the Oval Office, that’s all long gone. Now, there is only this shouty red-faced old man who is going to personally argue with every old hillbilly lady that Hillary has carefully courted all year. [YouTube/CBS News]

Cable news anchors, you are all fired, except for Chuck Todd. You freak out for weeks about all the crazy doomsday scenarios in which Hillary Clinton might be able to WREST the nomination from Captain Hope, and finally at 2 a.m. you’re like, “Oh, but the math.” This is a photograph of Hillary Clinton also thinking about math. [New York Observer]

“Decisive victory,” says sleepy-face Tim Russert. Decisive enough? Or, as sleepy-face Tim Russert says two minutes later, “status quo”? How big did Barry win North Carolina? Nobody will say, just yet, but they will, so … Begun, this live blog has. (Part Two is here, Part One is here, the Pre-Game Commentary is here.) MORE »

Oh man, the polls are already closed in Indiana? What time zone are they on over there, 1952? Anyway, we’ve already learned that Obama’s got a double-digit win in North Carolina (doesn’t count because of blacks) and Hillary had a four-point lead in the Indiana polls, blah blah, he’s still handily winning as far as those delegates. Let’s see what the teevee tells us is the truth! MORE »

Remember how Barack Obama was going to play basketball against his own followers in Indiana? Well, that happened. And he beat them, he beat them good. Here is a picture of him, doing that basketball thing, while wearing a patriotic Marine Corps t-shirt, and never breaking a sweat. [AP Photo]

It has been six long, terrible weeks since the last primary, and since then Elliot Spitzer resigned for schtupping a hooker, Barack Obama explained to the world why Jeremiah Wright didn’t wear a flag pin on his lapel, and Hillary Clinton bombed Bosnia. Because many of you are a little rusty on how these “primary” things work, we’ve got a few helpful tips for all those dorks who are actually trying to make sense of the poll results today. MORE »

Pennsylvania voters were SO angry in January, because their loser state’s primary wouldn’t happen until April 22, which would obviously be months after the whole Democratic Nominee business would be settled and old news and it’s all just proof of how the rest of the Elite Nation hates Pennsylvanians, who are so dumb and bitter with their “god” and shotguns and sofa on the porch of the double-wide. Let’s look back with laughter, after the jump. MORE »

And this is the story of the last six or seven weeks: snipers, Wright, flag pins, Ayers, Bitter, flipping the bird, whatever else consumed the 2-hour news cycle, it’s all led to this Pollster aggregation of polls that shows Hillary’s once-sizable lead deteriorating into a merely “solid” lead. Nice work, everybody! [Pollster]

Chelsea was doing a gay bar crawl in Philadelphia on Friday night and while she was walking around some lady said “I grabbed her ass,” and David Shuster wept because this was proof positive that the Clintons were pimping their daughter out. MORE »

A newly released New York Times/CBS News poll suggests the nation’s males are no longer totally hot for Barack Obama. Their support has turtled back into a flaccid husk following revelations that the heartthrob candidate sucks at bowling and has an angry black pastor. MORE »

From Al Gore to John Kerry to the opera-loving liberal Rudy Giuliani, Democrats have a long and proud history of bungling the Florida vote. And so for many months, the same question has hung on every Democrat’s lips: which political figure will be the one to ruin the party’s chances of winning Florida in the 2008 presidential election? The answer may surprise you! MORE »

NO THEY CAN’T: NO NEW PRIMARY FOR MICHIGAN: So the Michigan Democratic state leadership and Carl Levin didn’t agree on whatever and now Hillary can’t have another Michigan primary, so … Obama wins, somehow, even though she won the pretend primary? Anyway, hooray Michigan! We hear you! So, no re-do in Florida or Michigan. This thing may end by 2037 after all. [Politico/Election Geek]

While he may not have won more delegates than Senator Hillary Clinton, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama has still won the state of California through sheer force of charm and “momentum.” It turns out that he keeps winning more delegates, even though the polls have been closed for years, but most news organizations can’t bother to update their numbers because they can’t do math. MORE »