Clinton Campaign Cheats With Its ‘Count Every Vote’ Strategy In Texas
Monday, March 17th, 2008
Even though Hillary Clinton is doomed to lose the delegate count in Texas, she insists that the Texas Democratic Party verify every signature from its caucus ballots before the state Senate district conventions in order to confirm her official losingness. You see, the twisted intestinal tract called “the Democratic voting process in Texas” intentionally allows opportunities for fraud at virtually every step of the process, and Clinton wants to make sure every on of these opportunities is taken. Or is it the opposite? We are confused, again. MORE »
Even though Hillary Clinton is doomed to lose the delegate count in Texas, she insists that the Texas Democratic Party verify every signature from its caucus ballots before the state Senate district conventions in order to confirm her official losingness. You see, the twisted intestinal tract called “the Democratic voting process in Texas” intentionally allows opportunities for fraud at virtually every step of the process, and Clinton wants to make sure every on of these opportunities is taken. Or is it the opposite? We are confused, again. MORE »
Remember Hillary Clinton’s big win in Texas due to her ability to answer the phone at 3 a.m. because her husband’s getting sucked off by a fat gal in the Oval Office again? Well, those ads were actually shown in Ohio, and also Barack Obama is handily beating Hillary Clinton, 99 delegates to 95 delegates. What the hell? 
After all the talk about Rush Limbaugh tipping the Texas primaries in Hillary Clinton’s favor, it looks like Barack Obama may have been the candidate stealing Republican votes. New analysis reveals that Republicans favored Obama by 53-49 percent over Clinton. This proves that Obama cannot be the Democratic Presidential nominee because he is a sellout. [
Hillary is about to lose the state of Texas and also the nomination for President, because nobody likes a failure. If Barack Obama gains four thousandths of one percent of the primary vote in Texas’ Senate District 19, where 14 precincts have yet to report, Hillary Clinton’s overall primary delegate count will slip to 64 versus Obama’s 62. In other words, she will lose by not winning enough. 
Last night the American people shed many tears and blood and sweat as they tried to strangle the infant Democratic primary process in its crib, and alas they did not succeed, so there will be elections every day for the next four years. But we rejoice to see so many Wonkette readers who care so deeply that they sent us hilarious tales from the caucuses. Mind-numbing boredom, police intervention, and Clinton babes, after the jump.