Wonkette

The Obama campaign is all about IMAGE CONTROL these days and GOOD OPTICS, which is why nobody can wear a green Hamas shirt around the candidate. Now Barack Obama is stone cold ignoring the press on his Middle Eastern Hope ‘N Basketball Tour, leaving it to some military nobody to hold the camera while he shoots three-pointers when really such hard-hitting news coverage should be left to trained journalistic professional nobodies. MORE »

For 400 glorious years, John McCain has gotten daily handjobs from the national press corps because he lets them sit in the back of the bus with him while he dispenses salty bons mots and makes inappropriate jokes. But now all the favorable press coverage goes to Barack Obama, because he gets more people to come to his rallies. John McCain knows how Hillary Clinton feels now, which is why he’s stealing such winning moves from her playbook as “Change you can replicate with some sort of technology” and hiring a campaign team that fights pitched internecine battles on the front page of the New York Times. MORE »

He’s got most of the money remaining in the U.S. economy, and yet. Barack Obama’s plane, a rickety old hackjob called an “MD-80 Midwest charter,” was going to crash into a World Trade Center today en route from Chicago to Charlotte — it was just that broken! Alas, his terrible pilots were forced to make an emergency landing in Missouri. Hey, Missouri… that’s one of those whatchamacallits… border states… slave states… oh that’s right, it’s a swing state. What a fortuitous terrorist crash landing! MORE »

Hey look, it’s photographic evidence via former Gawker editor Joshua Stein that Scott McClellan used to have hair back in high school. Little did this proudly tuxedoed dandy know that in a mere 17 years he would be a waddling homunculus vomiting out his daily dose of nonsense in defense of a pack of venal liars whom he would later tattle on, for money. None of this changes the fact that he has a zit on his forehead in his senior photo, like millions of Ordinary Americans. [My Memoirs]

Hillary Clinton continued the Enfranchisement Tour 2k8 today in South Dakota, which is fully franchised and will likely go for Obama on June 3 but doesn’t matter. While there she visited the only “thing” in South Dakota: Mount Rushmore, where the rocks look like famous presidents. Look at Hilz in the picture, striking the pose as a park ranger fines her for littering. Maybe? Who knows what actually happened during the stop, because the ABC News report is all about… well, the headline pretty much says it all: “Clinton Ignores Press at Mt. Rushmore.” This article is delicious.

ABC News’ Eloise Harper notes that she and the other traveling press had numerous questions for Hillary, who hasn’t held a press avail since May 15 — right around when the Clinton Bullshit Meter went cosmic, making Hillary incapable of responding coherently to any question about her latest “disenfranchisement” motif. But Ms. Harper clearly does not realize that Hillary has been on vacation since May 15!

Enjoying a lighter load on the campaign trail with two stops in South Dakota Wednesday and two stops Thursday Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton played tourist at Mt. Rushmore, ignoring questions and telling the press to “learn something about the monument”.

Hillary’s lighthearted condescension gives way to visible irritation:

While the New York senator enjoyed the site, she was surrounded buy a U-shape of cameras hoping to get a shot of her looking at the monument while a traveling staffer insisted on standing in front of the her to block the shot. When the staffer refused to move after many calls from the press and other staffers, Clinton turned around and said “this is a tourist occasion.”

The press notices she’s irritated and proceeds to fuck with her:

A reporter attempted to ask Clinton if she could see herself on the famous monument. Clinton just raised her hands in the air and said “I” and sighed. Another reporter asked “Do you think Bill Clinton should be up there?” Clinton didn’t answer and said “why don’t you learn something about the monument.”

Then Eloise Harper asks Clinton “Hey Hillary, don’t you think Kermit the Frog should be up there? Don’t… [stifles a giggle]… don’t you think… [cannot control laughter]… don’t you think Lanny Davis should be up there?”

Hillary makes a few phone calls and responds, “Maybe you should check on your cat, Eloise.”

Clinton Ignores Press at Mt. Rushmore [Political Radar]

Remember that time yesterday when Barack Obama acted like a Texas waitress and called that young female reporter “sweetie”? Well, he left her a contrite voicemail promising never to call her that terrible word again. The full transcript after the jump. MORE »

Barack Obama doesn’t just ignore the gay and lesbian press. He ignores reporters of every hue, creed, nationality, and sexual preference! This is because he believes that every member of the Journalistic Profession deserves the right to be completely and summarily dismissed out of hand. He will not answer questions about Hamas when he wants to eat his waffles; he will not hold a press conference even though he says he will. He is basically that no goodnik boyfriend who always stands you up at the last minute, when he isn’t refusing to answer questions about Hamas over waffles. Does he understand that the press might quit polishing his knob if he keeps up this irresponsible behavior? [Political Ticker]

Today is New York City’s “Poem in Your Pocket Day,” the most elitist holiday in America (besides San Francisco on any given Friday). And the latest America’s Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, has penned a glorious poem for his pocket in celebration. It is called “Press Conference,” and the gist of it is that Press Conferences are terrible. It rhymes too! How post-postmodern. MORE »

While other Republican candidates for president were off wife-roping and campaigning this weekend, John McCain retired to a secluded ranch in Sedona Arizona and gathered near his most cherished press contacts so that they could finally be alone together and talk about where their relationship was going. He forbade political conversation on this somber and sacred weekend, preferring instead to focus on important things such as “dry rubs.” MORE »

It’s been a while since we last checked in on White House press secretary Dana Perino, America’s greatest asset. Do you think she’s learned what the Cuban Missile Crisis was since then? Probably not, since she is not smart. Yesterday’s press briefing took on the FISA surveillance extension — the one that those House Democrats refuse to make exactly into what George W. Bush wants, the traitors. Someone asked Dana if the Republicans were maybe going overboard by saying the Democrats’ stubbornness puts America at grave risk, since intelligence agencies can still “spy” and then get retroactive warrants. Dana responds that she knows nothing about the law. MORE »