Here’s a comical highlight reel of new White House press secretary Robert Gibbs’ first briefing, compiled by Fishbowl DC. The White House press corps, perhaps the most frustrated group of reporters, anywhere, only get a “virgin” every few years, so they were hoping to extract as much off-the-cuff, out-of-context quote action as possible before Gibbs realized how much they all sucked and that he should ignore them entirely, forever. This only led to an onslaught of white noise, however, and we do not know why anyone would ever accept the position of White House press secretary. Speaking of which, what’s Dana up to these days? [Fishbowl DC]

It’s Wednesday, everyone, and that’s the day of the week that the New York Times releases its Sunday Magazine to the Internet and Richard Cohen’s hated BlackBerrys! Obama must be so happy. Especially this week, because he’s mentioned in it! This issue’s cover story profiles legendary Hawk and Dove drunk Robert Gibbs, Obama’s former campaign communications “czar” and press secretary-elect. The Times‘ excellent Mark Leibovitch wrote the piece, so it’s quite readable and you may want to go through the whole thing yourself. But since you all are lazy unemployed slobs, we’ve extracted some of the more delightful bits below. Teaser: Obama is a hologram? MORE »

Ha ha, Robert Gibbs. The first time we saw him on the teevee, we immediately assumed that this smug chubby-faced white guy was a Republican. But whoops, no, he is a hilarious Democrat who grins his way through arguments with Sean Hannity and acted as Barack Obama’s communications director during the campaign. Now he will be the new Dana Perino. [Politico]

The White House has issued a Papal Bull in response to former press secretary Scott McClellan’s new book, in which he makes bland accusations about the Bush administration like “they may not have been completely trustworthy” in order to sell his otherwise unsellable crappy account of his pathetic life. The most recent White House press secretary, smokin’ hot monster Dana Perino, indicates in the pithy statement — which you can see after the jump!! — that she cannot read bookz.

“Scott, we now know, is disgruntled about his experience at the White House. For those of us who fully supported him, before, during and after he was press secretary, we are puzzled. It is sad — this is not the Scott we knew.

“The book, as reported by the press, has been described to the President. I do not expect a comment from him on it — he has more pressing matters than to spend time commenting on books by former staffers.”

Perino’s memoir, Wonkette can exclusively report, is in the works, and it’s pretty harsh too! Here’s an excerpt MUST CREDIT WONKETTE:

wuz bummin in the street then i got married to some guy. married a guy who has a name like bob or steve or other name. saw george bush in mexico at barbecue & he had a wife to. every1 said hi was very nice and gits me a jobb. ari fleischcher with the no hair and the talky bout 9/11. THEN MCCLELLAN i DONT LIKE BOB MCCLELLAN GRR. then tony snow had fever and quit. then i had job the end.

This still gives more insight than Steve Bob Scooter McClellan’s entire book.

Perino on McClellan: We’re puzzled [CNN]

The great city of Boston dog-paddles in a cesspool of disgrace today. From City Hall to Back Bay, from the Dumbocrats to the Rethuglicans, no one can escape the fecal stench of scandal. Next up: a Boston resident and now former McCain press secretary whose girlfriend says he beat the shit out of her. MORE »

Tony Snow belongs to a rock band. That rock band is called “Beats Workin’.” That band has a website (for the time being). There are pictures, but no upcoming gigs and no audio samples. (Though it does note that they play “Brown Sugar,” which might make Snow the first Press Secretary to sing the praises of antebellum miscegenation since at least Charles G. Ross.) MORE »