Tag Archives: press conferences

  Can we be done talking about this now?

Arkansas And Indiana Suck Up To Big Gay With ‘Fixed’ Religious Freedom Bills

Just suck it up
Late Thursday, Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson was FIRST! to call a press conference so he could sign the “fixed” Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) into law, following a weeklong national outcry. Before any journalist could even open a new browser tab to type words about it, there went Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, doing the same damn thing. Did the governors time it that way, so the media wouldn’t know what to cover? Maybe! Or maybe it just happened that way because everybody was ready to go the fuck home for the long holiday weekend. Proponents claimed the original laws did nothing more than protect religious freedom from some unspecified threat, but in reality, the bills were thinly veiled licenses to hate on and discriminate against gays and lesbians, so they had to be amended to ensure that no, this does not give you permission to refuse to do flowers for Dale and Kevin’s wedding, and no, also, please do not take your businesses out of our states! Read more on Arkansas And Indiana Suck Up To Big Gay With ‘Fixed’ Religious Freedom Bills…
  Roll back ... discrimination?!

Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson Won’t Sign Anti-Gay Bill As Is, Reports Walmart

Having learned nothing from the PR disaster in Indiana this week, the Arkansas legislature passed its own Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) on Tuesday, sending it to the desk of Republican Gov. Asa Hutchinson. The bill, HB 1228, is a close facsimile of the one signed by Gov. Mike Pence, and, just as in Indiana, has resulted in several corporations threatening to cease or reduce operations in the state. Read more on Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson Won’t Sign Anti-Gay Bill As Is, Reports Walmart…
  Pence is highly offended by all your rude comments about Indiana

Everyone Is Laughing At That Poor Dumb Idiot, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence

The Indianapolis Star‘s Tuesday edition is a bit stunning, in that the entire front page is devoted to an editorial demanding that Indiana lawmakers “FIX THIS NOW.” They are of course referring to the Fuck The Gays law, signed by Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, which has single-handedly sent the state to number one on pretty much everyone’s list of “states where I do not wish to find myself stranded.” Read more on Everyone Is Laughing At That Poor Dumb Idiot, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence…
  bridge to nowhere

Chris Christie Takes Full Responsibility For Underlings’ Terrible Vengeful Bullying

Now that the dust is starting to settle on the Biggest Press Conference of His Political Career, let’s see whether Governor Chris Christie saved his political bacon (mmmm, bacon). He did the necessary moves, started out with apologies to the people of New Jersey, the people of Fort Lee, and to the state lege, as well as (eventually) the press, the mayor of Fort Lee, the 1979 Jets, and the financial backers of Waterworld. And then he said that he was “embarrassed and humiliated by the conduct of some of the people on my team,” because of course he was absolutely unaware of any wrongdoing, and only learned yesterday that lanes on the busiest bridge in the country were closed as part of a political vendetta. We completely believe everything he said, except for the parts where his trousers literally burst into flame. Read more on Chris Christie Takes Full Responsibility For Underlings’ Terrible Vengeful Bullying…
  a nation's questions get answers

Reporters To Obama: War War War War War War Now War?

Reporters at today’s White House press conference opened their dialogue with the president on a familiar topic: War: When are we having it, and can we have it now. WAR. Also, why don’t you ever visit Israel you horrible anti-Semite? And what about war? Meanwhile, Fox News’ Ed Henry, who one time wrote the worst article in American history, wanted to know about war war war war war… perhaps you understand how the opening of this press conference went, yes? Well Obama simply “pivoted” to calling Mitt Romney a loser in response, so everything worked out. Read more on Reporters To Obama: War War War War War War Now War?…
  that ain't santa

U.S. Government Will Announce Space Monster Invasion Tomorrow

What did NASA send your Wonkette for some reason? Secret plans for the new Chevrolet space shuttle? A wacky “mash up” video of NASA accidents? No! It’s even better/worse than all that: “NASA will hold a news conference at 2 p.m. EST on Thursday, Dec. 2, to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life.” So it’s going to be a very merry xmas after all, because the Space Monsters are here, and we will all come together as a single human community to decide who gets fed to the Space Monsters first. Read more on U.S. Government Will Announce Space Monster Invasion Tomorrow…
  all black

Emo Obama Admits Defeat

President Obama made his big post-election press conference this afternoon, and it turns out he heard about that election thing that happened last night too. He said his party received “a shellacking,” but that wasn’t merely a quoted pun from a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon he had seen; the president’s tone and face were dire, and he doesn’t seem to see too much room for this whole “bipartisanship” thing. Sure, maybe the Republicans will stop hating gays for a moment and let them serve openly in the military, but that’s about it. Cap and trade? Yeah, any chance of that happening is pretty much over, the emo president mumbled. He’s probably just going to lay on the couch in his sweatpants eating arugula chips for the next couple years, because he also said he’s not going to just suddenly become a Teabagger. Read more on Emo Obama Admits Defeat…
  looking fiiiiiine gurl

Shirley Sherrod Displays Best Body Language Ever In Vilsack Press Conference

Oh look, our pal Shirley finally ended her well-deserved weeks of R&R to hold a press conference with Ag Secretary Tom Vilsack-of-poop about him groveling to get her to come back to the USDA. She decided not to take the job, because who wants to work for Tom Vilsack? That’s not exactly titillating news, but what was funny was the body language these two showed in this press conference, and thus we had to make multiple Blingees documenting it. Read more on Shirley Sherrod Displays Best Body Language Ever In Vilsack Press Conference…
  casual encounters

Obama Likes His Reporter-Time to Feel ‘Special’

On the eve of President Barack Obama’s first official press conference since 1972, CBS correspondent and numbers cruncher Mark Knoller has just released a follow-up to his groundbreaking report on Obama’s golf addiction. This time, Knoller and his abacus have come to some Interesting Conclusions about presidential encounters with the press. The numbers not only show but prove — PROVE, ladies and gents — that Obama prefers to “get intimate” with reporters, even more than Bill Clinton did. Read more on Obama Likes His Reporter-Time to Feel ‘Special’…
  public enemies

Obama Lets Tiny Terrorist Invade the White House

Guess what was prancing around the people’s Rose Garden during Barack Obama’s press conference about Wall Street reform yesterday? A little brown invader! This mouse arrogantly taunted the White House press corps while scoping out new places to deposit some anthrax-infused poop pellets. And nobody did anything to stop him, because showing leniency toward our enemies is the Obama Way. If you were looking carefully, you might have even noticed Obama doing a little bow to the vermin. Read more on Obama Lets Tiny Terrorist Invade the White House…
  greatest scandals in history

Blumenthal: You All Lie, I Was Awesome At The Military

Vietnam hero Richard “Dick” Blumenthal, having now learned that there is such a thing as “opposition research” in U.S. Senate campaigns, organized a ragtag group of elderly Marines and apparently Dennis Hopper (?) for his press conference today in an aggressive effort to save his campaign from the liberal New York Times and its monsters. Read more on Blumenthal: You All Lie, I Was Awesome At The Military…
  wonkette pool reports

President Obama Confirms That He Is ‘Angry,’ Continues With Scheduled Events

President Barack Obama’s White House staff alerted reporters last evening that the President would be hosting a press event late Friday morning to inform them of his “anger” with both the public and private responses to a recent oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Reporters were also made aware of the President’s intention to use such language as “frustrated” during this media availability. Read more on President Obama Confirms That He Is ‘Angry,’ Continues With Scheduled Events…
  quitters

David Paterson Cannot Govern And Run For Re-Election At The Same Time

This is the best that friend-to-nice-ladies David Paterson could come up with, explaining why he decided to exit the New York governor’s race: “It has become increasingly clear to me in the last few days that I cannot run for office and try to manage the state’s business at the same time.” He has a point — can you imagine any incumbent elected official trying to run again, for the same office, while still on the job? A “re”-election campaign, we would likely call this frantic dystopian circus. HOW WOULD YOU SPLIT UP THE TIME! [YouTube] Read more on David Paterson Cannot Govern And Run For Re-Election At The Same Time…
  where is the smuggled thai boy prostitute's body?

Evan Bayh Is Just Too Good For Congress

Whoa, a long-ish speech with the wife and two muppets? He didn’t even lose an election earlier today, and he’s not resigning immediately, so… why he must just be very self-absorbed! Here is why he is not running: Congress is broken and our nation is on the brink of failure, so like a brave statesman, it is his duty to… run away from the problem as fast as possible and make buttloads of $$$ lobbying for one special interest or another! No, “too much.” Let’s go with this: He can be more effective at cutting the federal budget deficit through the private sector. That sounds rhythmically correct, no? [YouTube] Read more on Evan Bayh Is Just Too Good For Congress…
  'honest question'

Was Barack Obama Too Smart With His ‘Policies’ Last Night?

Since most top-notch political pundits do not understand or value public policy, they simply did not care for Barack Obama’s attempt to explain a very complicated reform effort last night with such grown-up words as “incentivize” and “cost-curve.” Psychotic Harvard fart-talk! This is why they are instead focusing on how reverse-racist it was for Obama to say white police officers acted “stupidly” by arresting that black guy who broke into his own home. But don’t blame the reporters! It was Obama’s decision to be so boring for 50 minutes that made them focus on this exciting 51st minute-adverb that “Real Americans” understand. Read more on Was Barack Obama Too Smart With His ‘Policies’ Last Night?…
  so testy impeach him

More Of Obama Wanting To Burn Reporters With His Lit Cigarette

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy Here we have excerpted the traditional “red meat” portion of a Barack Obama press conference, in which we hear from all three network news correspondents, consecutively. Why does Obama cave to John McCain and Lindsey Graham and hate Iranian people and lie about other things such as health and money care? Health care and money? Health care and money care and Iran and John McCain and queers? Read more on More Of Obama Wanting To Burn Reporters With His Lit Cigarette…
  does obama want his children to have lung cancer?

Obama Should Smoke During Press Conferences And Ash On This Lady’s Lap

We did not liveblog this Obama press conference, sorry, but fear not! We hear that a website called the Internet has a good recap. TPM describes the President’s attitude as “testy,” and, that’s just how we like our Muslin cooked. Here’s an example of Obama being Testy in response to yet another human asking about his smoking. He tells her, “Fuck off, fraud,” and then cuts a few butts and kicks Chuck Todd in the tummy, to honor Neda. [YouTube, TPM] Read more on Obama Should Smoke During Press Conferences And Ash On This Lady’s Lap…
  wear green while watching this on teevee

OBAMA TO TALK IRAN, MAYBE, LATER: Barack Obama is scheduled to hold a press conference with Italy’s leathery clown king, Silvio Berlusconi, at 5 p.m. today, to discuss Stuff. In other words, a bunch of reporters will harass him about Iran. His options are to either declare war on Iran or allow John McCain and Andrew Sullivan to do it themselves, on Twitter. [Swampland] Read more on …
  television shows

TIME TO IGNORE OUR IMPORTANT BANKRUPT NEWSPAPERS AGAIN: Symbolism: “The White House announced that President Obama will hold a primetime news conference at 8:00 pm ET on Wednesday — his 100th day as president.” Boy howdy, Ed Henry’ll have to pull a real firecracker out of his ass to top the last one. [First Read] Read more on …
  but don't they have nukes aimed at us?

Rick Sanchez Reads New Cuba Policies, To America

Robert Gibbs made a very special announcement today about the communist plantation, Cuba! You can now travel and send gifts and clothes there — if you’re a Cuban-American with family on the island, that is. (Although the liberal New York Times writes that there maybe be more easing on the way, which Obama may announce during his trip this week to Trinidad and Tobago, which is very symbolically near Cuba.) Read more on Rick Sanchez Reads New Cuba Policies, To America…
  embarrassments

CNN’s Ed Henry Writes Worst Article In American History

Earlier today we mentioned CNN White House correspondent Ed Henry’s performance at the press conference last night, and how he and his fellow busybodies were rapidly spinning and spinning and spinning to make it appear as though he didn’t look like a goober when Obama called him a twat. In the latest effort, Henry has written an exclusive article for CNN.com called, “What really happened with Obama.” It is approximately 5,000 words and includes sports metaphors, heavy doses of edge-of-your-seat drama, tricks o’ the trade, and maybe a little bit of SELF-SATISFACTION. To reiterate our headline, it is the worst article in American history, at least since yesterday when K-Lo wrote something funny about Notre Dame and abortions. Read more on CNN’s Ed Henry Writes Worst Article In American History…
  this guy again

Liveblogging More of This Crap (Obama’s Important Thing On TeeVee, Part II)

This is what it was like in Soviet USSR Russia, we bet! The guy, on the teevee, every night. Five year plans, advancing upon the enemy stronghold, great progress made in the Martian Dirt Wars, etc. We don’t know FOR SURE about this, as we arrived in the USSR about two weeks after it officially ended — this is true! — and by then it was all tits & death metal on the RUBIN black-and-white set. Anyway, is the recession over yet? Has Komrade Obama talked it away, while his douche-bots in the East Room try to act like they understand anything beyond do-nuts and Twitter? Read more on Liveblogging More of This Crap (Obama’s Important Thing On TeeVee, Part II)…