Tag Archives: press conference

  Wow So Yooge. Much Classy. Wow.

Trump Shows America How He Will Deport Mexicans, On Live TV!

Simian challenge display #6
Donald Trump won himself even more love from the We Hates Foreigns crowd Tuesday as he ignored questions from Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos at a press event, told him to go back where he came from (Univision), and had a security guard escort Ramos from the room. After a while, Ramos was allowed back in; while Trump talked over and avoided answering Ramos’s questions, at least he ignored the man face to face. We can hardly wait for President Trump to address the United Nations and tell the delegates to go the hell back to whatever stupid countries they came from, because nobody’s ever even heard of them. Read more on Trump Shows America How He Will Deport Mexicans, On Live TV!…
  Winning The Publicity War By Not Sounding Crazy

Christian Teabagger Lady Rep. Only Banged Her Crazy Colleague, Never Broke Any Laws

Classic pulp covers just don't account for women as equal participants in legislative diddling
Classic pulp covers just don’t account for women as equal participants in legislative diddling Michigan state Rep. Cindy Gamrat, who did adulterous sex things with certifiable loon and fellow state House member Todd Courser, made her first public statement on the scandal Friday, apologizing for her conduct but insisting that she didn’t break any laws or House rules. Unlike her paranoid paramour Courser, she didn’t say anything about a vast conspiracy trying to destroy her, nor did she comment on Courser’s claim that mysterious blackmailers forced Courser to concoct a bizarre scheme to smear himself as a way of covering up the affair. It would appear that, however much they may have enjoyed pushing a rightwing Christianist political agenda and fucking each other’s brains out, the wackaloon amateur ratfucking was more Todd’s hobby than hers. Read more on Christian Teabagger Lady Rep. Only Banged Her Crazy Colleague, Never Broke Any Laws…
  Not One Of These People Is A Duggar

Pervy Virginia Dem Who Won Election From Jail Will Marry Teen Secretary, Rule Galaxy

Nothing weird in this relationship, no sir.
In a pleasant change of pace, here’s a reminder that there are lots of gross people out there whose last name doesn’t rhyme with “fugger”: Weird former member of the Virginia House of Delegates Joe Morrissey is getting married to the teenaged receptionist with whom he fathered a babby. Despite pleading no contest to a misdemeanor charge of contributing to the delinquency of a minor last year, Morrissey insists that he and his bride-to-be, Myrna Pride, never did the nasty until she was very definitely of age. Ms. Pride also said, at a press appearance where they announced their plans to marry, “I never engaged in a sexual [act] with Mr. Morrissey until I was of legal age,” so all of you people should just shut up now. Which sort of makes you wonder why he’d take a plea deal to avoid felony charges resulting from both the relationship and from showing pornographic photos of Pride to a friend. Read more on Pervy Virginia Dem Who Won Election From Jail Will Marry Teen Secretary, Rule Galaxy…
  And You Know That Notion Just Crossed His Mind

Speaker John Boehner Does Not Care For Your Stupid Railroad Safety Questions

Nina Paley liberates her inner Crumb
John Boehner is not going to just put up with reporters’ loaded questions about the safety of our railroads, dammit. Amtrak has plenty of money, and suggesting otherwise is just plain stupid, the Republican Speaker of the House insisted Thursday. Asked if there was any merit to the wacky idea that lack of funding for safety systems could have contributed to Wednesday’s deadly Amtrak crash in Philadelphia, the Boehner got quite testy indeed: Read more on Speaker John Boehner Does Not Care For Your Stupid Railroad Safety Questions…
  grab that cash with both hands and make a stash

Child-Regifting Job Creator Justin Harris Got $4 Million In Tax Funds For Jesus Pre-School

These big David Byrne suits dont' just grow on trees, you know.
Hey, we bet you’d like to read a story about sleazy child-regifting monster Justin Harris that isn’t about his sleazy child regifting for a change, wouldn’t you? Lord knows we have plenty of those already, and the whole sordid mess isn’t nearly finished playing itself out. Instead, let’s learn a bit more about Justin Harris, the small-government entrepreneur who says that government never created a single job — no, really, he said that — and who liked to brag in campaign ads about all the jobs he created at his “Growing God’s Kingdom” preschool in West Fork, Arkansas. Turns out he and his wife, Marsha, had a little help creating those jobs! Read more on Child-Regifting Job Creator Justin Harris Got $4 Million In Tax Funds For Jesus Pre-School…
  Parental Rites

Ark. Rep. Justin Harris Had Daughters’ Demons ‘Exorcised’ Before ‘Rehoming’ Them With A Rapist

The power of Derp compels him
The sad, ugly saga of Justin Harris and the “rehoming” of his two adopted daughters just morphed into a B-movie horror flick. According to several people who knew the Harrises, the super-Christian Arkansas state rep. and his wife, Marsha, believed the young girls were possessed by demons and hired “specialists” to drive Satan from the children’s tiny bodies. They also kept their six-year-old adoptive daughter locked and isolated in her toyless room with just a video camera to watch her so she couldn’t “communicate telepathically” with her four-year-old sister. Read more on Ark. Rep. Justin Harris Had Daughters’ Demons ‘Exorcised’ Before ‘Rehoming’ Them With A Rapist…
  Arkansas Unraveler

Girls’ Foster Parents Not Impressed With Kid-Dumping AR Rep Justin Harris’s Sob Story

A member of the truth-challenged community
The bizarre story of Arkansas state Rep. Justin Harris and his decision to “rehome” his two adopted daughters with a family friend and employee, Eric Francis, who later raped one of the girls, continued to unfold in High Weird Mode over the weekend. Following his press conference Friday, Harris gave a 35-minute interview to Drew Petrimoulx of TV station KARK in which he continued to place most of the blame for the troubled adoption on the Arkansas Department of Human Services (DHS) and, continued to insist that the children were so seriously emotionally disturbed that they put his entire family in danger. Read more on Girls’ Foster Parents Not Impressed With Kid-Dumping AR Rep Justin Harris’s Sob Story…
  The Christian Lawmaker And The Devil Children

Kid-Dumper AR Rep Justin Harris So SO Sorry … That DHS Screwed Him And His Family (Video)

Marsha and Justin Harris
  After the older of his two adopted daughters — at the mature age of six — was raped by the man to whom he had “rehomed” her, Arkansas state Rep. Justin Harris (R – “God’s Kingdom”) gave a press conference today to attempt to justify it. (He did not attempt to justify the rape, by family friend Eric Francis, to whom he had turned over his two adopted daughters in late 2013; he merely attempted to justify the rest of it.) Harris started by “clarifying” that “the victims here are the children,” since the country and the Internet did not take well to his sad claim yesterday that it was he and his wife who had “suffered a severe injustice.” While the girls were “the real victims,” he back-pedaled, he and his wife had been “failed” by the Department of Human Services, which is really to blame. Read more on Kid-Dumper AR Rep Justin Harris So SO Sorry … That DHS Screwed Him And His Family (Video)…
  Won't Someone Please Think Of The Neglectful Parents?

Justin Harris Had To Abandon 6-Year-Old Daughter Before She Ax-Murdered Whole Family

Ugly doesn't begin to describe these. The sweaters are pretty bad, too
Here’s your morning update on Arkansas state Rep. Justin Harris, who naturally had excellent reasons for giving up on his two adopted daughters and “rehoming” them with another family in 2013. Harris issued a statement late Thursday to explain that he and his wife, Marsha, are the real victims here. Oh, yes, in addition to that unfortunate business with his 6-year-old daughter getting raped by Eric Francis, the man they “rehomed” the girls with. My, yes, that was sad. Read more on Justin Harris Had To Abandon 6-Year-Old Daughter Before She Ax-Murdered Whole Family…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?

Back away, little pony. These are not nice people.
Time for another roundup of the dumbest of the worst of the unfathomably stupid! We scrape the mishegas off our browser tabs, puree it into a frothy mess, and serve it up to you with a warning to not overdo it on the brain bleach. Proceed with caution and gin. Read more on Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?…
  Tortoise Song Trilogy

Ted Cruz Will Be New Senate Majority Leader, Pope, Astronaut, And Ballerina

Just being a good Christian
With Mitch McConnell’s reelection and the Republicans taking over the Senate, America’s first Otherkin Senator is poised to finally ascend to the Senate Majority Leader job that he has wanted since forever. And who knows, maybe Ted Cruz will actually let him do that! At the moment, Cruz is playing coy, not willing to say on CNN last night whether he’d actually support McConnell for Majority Leader. The Senator from Alberta was only willing to say that’s “a decision for the conference to answer next week.” Not that he would ever be an obstructionist or anything. Read more on Ted Cruz Will Be New Senate Majority Leader, Pope, Astronaut, And Ballerina…
  Trust Me: I Suck!

NFL’s Roger Goodell Is Useless Goober, Has Better Job Than You

At least he's sorry
NFL President Roger Goodell held a press conference today in which he apologized for being a completely worthless crapbird in his handling of the league’s multiple problems with players who have committed domestic violence and child abuse. He insisted that he holds himself to the highest possible standards, which is why he also is sure he can keep his promise to do better and not let players’ off-field brutality fall between the cracks anymore. Read more on NFL’s Roger Goodell Is Useless Goober, Has Better Job Than You…
 

Live Blog! Obama Takes Vacation From Vacation To Solve All The Problems

Even though President Obama is supposed to be on vacation (impeach!) on Martha’s Vineyard, dahhhling, riding his bicycle and golfing and spending time with his family and hugging it out with Hillary Clinton, he has jetted back to Washington to huddle with his advisers about how everything is terrible. Iraq. Ferguson. Donald Trump (especially that). Read more on Live Blog! Obama Takes Vacation From Vacation To Solve All The Problems…
  all due respect

Nancy Pelosi Will Be On Your Show Never, Bill O’Reilly, Does Never Work For You?

Here is Nancy Pelosi dismissing a reporter from the Bill O’Reilly Television Zoo Crew, like a boss. “Bill O’Reilly has a quick question for you,” the reporter, who had camera filming his inquiry, began. “He ran into you at the Kennedy Center Honors recently and he said you said you would do an interview with him, in fact he said you would do an interview in your office.” Egad! And why didn’t you drop everything to talk to Mr. Personality, Madame Minority Leader? What are you hiding? Read more on Nancy Pelosi Will Be On Your Show Never, Bill O’Reilly, Does Never Work For You?…
  never give up never ... oh

How Is Barack Obama Ruining America’s Perfect Health Care Delivery System Today?

Caving to the incoherent spittle-filled demands of Republicans — especially Texas Rep. Steve Stockman — that Obama rewrite Obamacare but without rewriting Obamacare and take personal responsibility for personally writing bad code for the Obamacare websites, personally, the president held another at-home apology tour today, in which he used lots of awkward analogies (something about football and also seatbelts?) to explain AGAIN that he really did not anticipate how many Americans would be so dumb as to want to keep their craptastically craptastic insurance plans, and he is VERY SORRY he did not foresee that, and he is also VERY SORRY that he thought people would want better health insurance, and so he will allow insurance companies to keep offering you your craptastically craptastic insurance plans for another year if that will make you happy, you idjits. (He did not actually say that; we’re just paraphrasing and reading between the lines, although really, we wish he would say that because it would be a lot easier to understand than all these weird rambling football analogies, and we’re pretty sure that’s what he actually meant.) Read more on How Is Barack Obama Ruining America’s Perfect Health Care Delivery System Today?…