Tag: press conference

Which one's the moderate?

Trump’s Victory Thank You Tour Marching Into Cincinnati, Will Annex Sudetenland

Donald Trump's going on tour. Why? Who needs a reason? He loves rallies.
Are we sure he's not just Bill Maher with funny hair? Funnier hair?

What The Hell Has Happened To Wikileaks?

If you can't trust WikiLeaks, who can you trust? Yr Wonkette, of course.

Hillary Clinton Returns To Campaigning, Somehow Doesn’t Topple Over Dead

Hillary Clinton is all better and back to campaigning. Cue the 'lingering doubts' narrative!
Who ya got?

Donald Trump Wishes He Could Haul Off And Punch DNC Speakers Like BAM! So Hard

Donald Trump says he'd really like to hit some of the speakers at the Democratic convention really hard. Metaphorically. For now.
No idea who's responsible for this work of sheer genius. Let us know so we can give proper credit!

Donald Trump Tells Best Bud Vladimir Putin, Sure, Go Ahead And Keep Crimea. You Earned It!

Donald Trump might have said he's considering reversing American policy and recognizing Russia's annexation of Ukraine. Or he might not have understood the question. Does it matter?

MSNBC: Let’s Invade San Bernardino Suspect’s Mom’s Privacy, For ‘Journalism’

Hey ALL THE MEDIA, you still having fun investigatin' the San Bernardino terrorist attack? (Yes, we can call it that now, because the FBI confirmed it. See how that works, Fox News?) Have you come up with any new...

FBI Finally Calls It Terrorism, Fox News Needs New Shorts

For viewers at home who were hoping, for some sick reason we cannot fathom, the deadly shooting Wednesday in San Bernardino, California, by now-dead suspects Syed Farook and Tashfeen Malik, was a terrorist attack -- instead of simply another one of those...
NO MORE QUESTIONS!

Ben Carson Didn’t Fabricate His Entire Life Story, Obama Did!

Ben Carson is SO MAD, BROS AND LADY-BROS! He is being persecuted by all these liberal media types asking him quote unquote "questions" about his life story, and all the parts of it that don't quite add up, which is unfair...

President Obama: Afghanistan War Going So Great, Let’s Never Leave!

Remember how President Obama was going to pull all of our troops out of Afghanistan by the end of 2016, and then we would finally be done Never Forgetting 9/11 by bombing the crap out of Afghans? And, oh yeah, sometimes...
Field notes: Subject 'Trumpy' issues 'pant-hoot' challenge immediately prior to flinging feces

Trump Shows America How He Will Deport Mexicans, On Live TV!

Donald Trump won himself even more love from the We Hates Foreigns crowd Tuesday as he ignored questions from Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos at a press event, told him to go back where he came from (Univision), and...
Classic pulp covers just don't account for women as equal participants in legislative diddling

Christian Teabagger Lady Rep. Only Banged Her Crazy Colleague, Never Broke Any Laws

Michigan state Rep. Cindy Gamrat, who did adulterous sex things with certifiable loon and fellow state House member Todd Courser, made her first public statement on the scandal Friday, apologizing for her conduct but insisting that she didn't break...
Nothing weird in this relationship, no sir.

Pervy Virginia Dem Who Won Election From Jail Will Marry Teen Secretary, Rule Galaxy

In a pleasant change of pace, here's a reminder that there are lots of gross people out there whose last name doesn't rhyme with "fugger": Weird former member of the Virginia House of Delegates Joe Morrissey is getting married...
Nina Paley liberates her inner Crumb

Speaker John Boehner Does Not Care For Your Stupid Railroad Safety Questions

John Boehner is not going to just put up with reporters' loaded questions about the safety of our railroads, dammit. Amtrak has plenty of money, and suggesting otherwise is just plain stupid, the Republican Speaker of the House insisted...
These big David Byrne suits dont' just grow on trees, you know.

Child-Regifting Job Creator Justin Harris Got $4 Million In Tax Funds For Jesus Pre-School

Hey, we bet you'd like to read a story about sleazy child-regifting monster Justin Harris that isn't about his sleazy child regifting for a change, wouldn't you? Lord knows we have plenty of those already, and the whole sordid...
The power of Derp compels him

Ark. Rep. Justin Harris Had Daughters’ Demons ‘Exorcised’ Before ‘Rehoming’ Them With A Rapist

The sad, ugly saga of Justin Harris and the "rehoming" of his two adopted daughters just morphed into a B-movie horror flick. According to several people who knew the Harrises, the super-Christian Arkansas state rep. and his wife, Marsha,...