Tag Archives: press

  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Tells You The Truth So You Can Tell The Truth Back To Sarah

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
This is the third in a series of posts made by possible by a generous contribution from The Fartknocker Institute for Sarah Palin Studies. The Sarah Palin Channel continues to take the conservative derp-o-sphere by storm, with her recent jeremiad against Elizabeth Warren settling the minimum wage debate once and for all. With that taken care of, Palin turned her attention to the Kenyan usurper Barack Obama’s obvious impeachable offenses, what with the czars and the decrees and the lawlessness. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Tells You The Truth So You Can Tell The Truth Back To Sarah…
  media whores

More Terrible Email Requests From Media Seeking An Audience With Mark Sanford

South Carolina’s embarrassing Argentine love-tango scandal may have made its governor look bad, but two parties have emerged from this sad nightmare smelling like little roses: Jenny Sanford, and The State newspaper. Yesterday the paper released a pack of hilariously sycophantic requests from various media outlets to Governor Sanford’s office suggesting that — !!! — sometimes reporters and media types imply that their subjects will get favorable coverage if they’ll just respond to a goddamn interview request. Read more on More Terrible Email Requests From Media Seeking An Audience With Mark Sanford…
  insider secrets

White House Briefing Room Just A Nest Of Lunatics

It turns out that your Jake Tappers and Chuck Todds are in the minority when it comes to White House correspondents. Upwards of 98 percent of the people attending the White House’s daily press briefings are nutballs who don’t even write for news organizations and love to steal Politico‘s chair. These insane people just like to hang out there, because it feels like “family” or “home” to them, spending hours in this cramped, low-ceilinged little bunker with Helen Thomas. Read more on White House Briefing Room Just A Nest Of Lunatics…
  phunny pranks

HERE’S A FUN PRESS CORPS GAME CALLED “STEAL POLITICO’S SEAT!” We rather like the anecdotes in this FiveThirtyEight post about how oppressed bloggers are always trying to steal Politico‘s seat at White House press briefings, only to be caught minutes later by confused Politico reporters. This could be a fun daily game! So we ask that reporters take turns stealing Politico‘s seat — one day Sam Stein does it, the next day David Corn, etc. — and e-mail us the name of Politico reporter who awkwardly kicked you out, and what it was like. [FiveThirtyEight] Read more on …
  not a healthy situation here

Robert Gibbs To Ban Jake Tapper, From Life

Here’s America’s favorite traveling Bob Saget impersonator, ABC News’ Jake Tapper, sort of… yeah… destroying Robert Gibbs with relative ease. Gibbs ends Tapper’s time by ignoring his question, ha. Was “Gibbsy” really the best choice for this job, hmm? Guess we won’t be seeing these two together at the Hawk ‘n’ Dove anymore. [YouTube] Read more on Robert Gibbs To Ban Jake Tapper, From Life…
  pornography

Barack Obama Tours White House Press Corps’ Hobbit Hellhole

There are many video versions of this scene floating around tonight, as Barack Obama actually walked through this subterranean hell bunker to talk to these White House press reporters and photographers and videographers. It’s a happy scene of serfs worshiping their Lord of the Manor, and nobody really notices that twerp from Politico whining about Gitmo, which Obama is actually shutting down, duh, good work POLITICO. Anyway, we like the sex scenes. Read more on Barack Obama Tours White House Press Corps’ Hobbit Hellhole…
  famous lasts

Liveblogging George W. Bush’s Last Press Conference Ever

Ha ha, we said we’d liveblog this thing but what if the cable news networks don’t even cover sad old George Bush’s last press conference in his whole life? That would surely be embarrassing, for your Wonkette but most particularly for the President. Well, let’s sit tight and fix ourselves some Bailey’s and coffee before whatever the hell is supposed to happen at 9:15. If there’s no George Bush we’ll just liveblog … uh, Roland Burris? Surely he’s about due for one of his thrice-daily press conferences. Read more on Liveblogging George W. Bush’s Last Press Conference Ever…
  ignore him and he will go away

Barack Obama Is A Media Whore

This guy! Presumption Watch etc! Barack Obama has been holding press conferences pretty much nonstop since he was elected, what, 40 million years ago, and since then he has just blah blah blahed all over the press because he didn’t get enough love in his childhood. That is the only reasonable conclusion you can make about his infinite interminable press conferences, not to mention the YouTubes and the line of specially branded sex dolls: they are pathetic cries for attention. Read more on Barack Obama Is A Media Whore…
  personnel changes

Meet Your New White House Press Secretary

Ha ha, Robert Gibbs. The first time we saw him on the teevee, we immediately assumed that this smug chubby-faced white guy was a Republican. But whoops, no, he is a hilarious Democrat who grins his way through arguments with Sean Hannity and acted as Barack Obama’s communications director during the campaign. Now he will be the new Dana Perino. [Politico] Read more on Meet Your New White House Press Secretary…
  joe biden lacks the experience to lead

When Will Obama Drop This Loser Biden?

Poor Ben Porritt. The other night this tragic McCain spokesflak was on David Shuster’s show, trying to explain Sarah Palin’s latest stupidity about how the First Amendment should protect her from being criticized by the press, and it was very clear that this sad young douche needs a vacation. But with only a few days and eleventy states left for John McCain to campaign in, Ben Porritt has no time for sleep, or for saying things that make sense. Instead he had this bit of weirdness to say about Joe Biden this weekend: Read more on When Will Obama Drop This Loser Biden?…
  old men swearing

Joe Biden Had Salty Words For Press In 2004

Just four short years ago, it was the Democrats who were getting called out in the press for constantly changing strategies and bickering publicly about petty nonsense. And four years ago, Joe Biden took a brave stand and asked reporters the very important question, “Who gives a shit?” (Those are the actual words out of his mouth.) Why will he not now take a stand for his great friend John McCain, who is boldly running his campaign straight out of the Kerry ’04 playbook? [YouTube] Read more on Joe Biden Had Salty Words For Press In 2004…
  meet the press

Sarah Palin Caves To Fringe Propaganda Channel CNN, Gives Interview

Vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin reneged on her vow to talk “straight to the American people” by ignoring the media until after she’s elected President. She has instead agreed to a sit-down today with CNN, the Communist News Network. Palin will talk with some person named “Drew Griffin,” which is an anagram for “Grr! Win if fed,” which means Drew Griffin is a hobo bear who “wins” for food. Bears are also a symbol of communism, and Barack Obama. Read more on Sarah Palin Caves To Fringe Propaganda Channel CNN, Gives Interview…
  check the engine

Reporter Complains That Obama Plane Is Smelly

Dean Reynolds sat down and penned this long angry rant about what a sack of douches the Obama campaign staffers are, while all the McCain people are helpful and informed. This jibes pretty squarely with Wonkette editorial impressions of the parties’ respective conventions, in which a bunch of disorganized know-nothing liberals dedicated themselves to fucking up your day while a demure coterie of courteous, knowledgeable Republicans offered way more attractive press credentials and a bar RIGHT NEXT TO THE CONVENTION ARENA. Republicans secretly love the media, hurrah! But the really important take-home in this screed is buried midway through this interminable thing: Read more on Reporter Complains That Obama Plane Is Smelly…
  bravery

Media Standoff! Press (Almost) Boycotts Sarah Palin At The U.N.

That gal with the lipstick is going to meet with Important World Leaders at the UN today, so naturally the McCain campaign did not want any reporters anywhere near that disaster. They said, “OK all you press organizations can get together and decide on ONE cameraperson to record the beginning of these meetings, before Sarah says something awkward about Hamid Karzai’s hat, but there will be no reporters to ask questions.” And for the first time in the history of ever, the press collectively told McCain to cram it. And then they took it back. Read more on Media Standoff! Press (Almost) Boycotts Sarah Palin At The U.N….
  unfairness

McCain Guru Steve Schmidt Furious That Press Are So Mean To Palin By Asking Simple Questions

Remember that time (pictured above, for your viewing pleasures!) Campbell Brown was unforgivably rude to Tucker Bounds by asking him what Sarah Palin had ever actually done as commander of the Alaskan National Guard? Why, it was almost as awful as that time Chris Matthews was unforgivably rude to Kirk Watson by asking him to list Barack Obama’s legislative accomplishments! And that is why Steve Schmidt, John McCain’s masturbator-in-chief, is so steamed that the members of the media are treating Sarah Palin unfairly. Read more on McCain Guru Steve Schmidt Furious That Press Are So Mean To Palin By Asking Simple Questions…
  journalism analysis

Press To John McCain: ‘Sack Up’

Reporters are a lot like common housecats: they laze around until they see some shiny thing, which they toy with for two minutes before going back to vomiting and sleeping on your clean laundry. (Bloggers are a lot like common bums, who cut straight to the vomiting and laundry-soiling.) It’s no surprise that Barack Obama, a shiny bauble if ever there was one, enjoys terrific press coverage this election cycle — the most generous and adoring coverage since John McCain ran for president in 2000. But John McCain can’t stop grumping about it, because he is a sour old bitch who feels betrayed by his former friends. Read more on Press To John McCain: ‘Sack Up’…
  journalistic integrities

Andrea Mitchell Angry That Press Wasn’t Invited To Obama’s Basketball Game

The Obama campaign is all about IMAGE CONTROL these days and GOOD OPTICS, which is why nobody can wear a green Hamas shirt around the candidate. Now Barack Obama is stone cold ignoring the press on his Middle Eastern Hope ‘N Basketball Tour, leaving it to some military nobody to hold the camera while he shoots three-pointers when really such hard-hitting news coverage should be left to trained journalistic professional nobodies. Read more on Andrea Mitchell Angry That Press Wasn’t Invited To Obama’s Basketball Game…
  all out of love

McCain Resentful That Press Has New, Hotter Girlfriend

For 400 glorious years, John McCain has gotten daily handjobs from the national press corps because he lets them sit in the back of the bus with him while he dispenses salty bons mots and makes inappropriate jokes. But now all the favorable press coverage goes to Barack Obama, because he gets more people to come to his rallies. John McCain knows how Hillary Clinton feels now, which is why he’s stealing such winning moves from her playbook as “Change you can replicate with some sort of technology” and hiring a campaign team that fights pitched internecine battles on the front page of the New York Times. Read more on McCain Resentful That Press Has New, Hotter Girlfriend…
  damn thing don't work

Obama Hijacks His Own Plane, Forces It To Land, NEVER FORGET

He’s got most of the money remaining in the U.S. economy, and yet. Barack Obama’s plane, a rickety old hackjob called an “MD-80 Midwest charter,” was going to crash into a World Trade Center today en route from Chicago to Charlotte — it was just that broken! Alas, his terrible pilots were forced to make an emergency landing in Missouri. Hey, Missouri… that’s one of those whatchamacallits… border states… slave states… oh that’s right, it’s a swing state. What a fortuitous terrorist crash landing! Read more on Obama Hijacks His Own Plane, Forces It To Land, NEVER FORGET…
 

Scott McClellan Was Not Born A Fat, Bald Weasel

Hey look, it’s photographic evidence via former Gawker editor Joshua Stein that Scott McClellan used to have hair back in high school. Little did this proudly tuxedoed dandy know that in a mere 17 years he would be a waddling homunculus vomiting out his daily dose of nonsense in defense of a pack of venal liars whom he would later tattle on, for money. None of this changes the fact that he has a zit on his forehead in his senior photo, like millions of Ordinary Americans. [My Memoirs] Read more on Scott McClellan Was Not Born A Fat, Bald Weasel…
 

Clinton-Press Relationship Is More Dysfunctional Than Your Tragic Marriage

Hillary Clinton continued the Enfranchisement Tour 2k8 today in South Dakota, which is fully franchised and will likely go for Obama on June 3 but doesn’t matter. While there she visited the only “thing” in South Dakota: Mount Rushmore, where the rocks look like famous presidents. Look at Hilz in the picture, striking the pose as a park ranger fines her for littering. Maybe? Who knows what actually happened during the stop, because the ABC News report is all about… well, the headline pretty much says it all: “Clinton Ignores Press at Mt. Rushmore.” This article is delicious. Read more on Clinton-Press Relationship Is More Dysfunctional Than Your Tragic Marriage…