presidents day
Here we are again, trying to keep the rats from eating the last of our Ramen noodles while our FLOTUS wines and dines (in reasonable portions, of course) across the country. This past weekend, Michelle Obama took the First Niñas on a ski adventure in Aspen, Colorado, providing the American people with a sixteenth(!!!!) occasion [...]
Every year on this holy day, we all gather around the YouTube to enjoy the greatest presidential moments in American History, such as these guys screwing around with the Animatronic Presidents at the Disney World. Oh look, here’s Lincoln half-heartedly freeing the slaves after the Civil War already started. Those are his morals collapsing, right [...]
Will this be the last President’s Day/George Washington/Sorta Lincoln holiday in America? Depends how the violent insurrections and crushing poverty and societal collapse go, over these next 12 months! So let’s remember our nation’s “First Dude” by compiling a listicle of 10 Sexy Tips To Drive George Washington Wild In Bed (“3: Somehow make him [...]
Thursday, February 17: Why should Valentine’s Day only be one day, when the holiday can bring joy/ money all month long? Now February is chocolate month, and this Thursday is “Chocolate Lover’s Day,” but at least it means free chocolate: Urbana, Firefly, and other Kimpton Hotels will be giving out complimentary chocolates and wine on [...]
The young princes of George Town College are furious that the school has decided to cancel their upcoming Presidents’ Day holiday, to make up some of the nine-years-worth of snow days they’ve had recently. Thousands of members have signed up! It will be a Revolution! No longer will George Washington’s legacy (/luxury skiing vacations) be [...]
Did you know that according to THE LAW, this holiday is simply called “Washington’s Birthday” and not “President’s Day,” as the mattress stores and car dealers have taught you to believe. According to one person on the Internet, the misconception — like most misconceptions, as well as abortion — stems from some liberals getting together [...]
Remember your greatest first president, in style! Play it for your kids, or your parents, and Never Forget the Father of Your Country, as presented by the great Austin-American artist Brad Neely, on a teevee show at some point? Happy Presidents Day. (DO NOT TURN UP THE SPEAKERS AT WORK UNLESS YOU HAVE A SPECIAL [...]
PLUS THAT GIANT STONE PHALLUS: “Was this man, George Washington, truly our greatest president? No, not at all! Most historians put him in the ‘Top 50,’ at best. But he was the first president, of America, and for that we honor his service to our country.” [AOL Political Machine]
