What I Learned From My Beef With These Iran Creeps
Monday, June 22nd, 2009
Wonkette recently deployed its own correspondent to Iran. What follows is her report. Names have been changed “because of the definition of anonymity.”
Hi ya’ll! I’m so honored to be here with all the world-renowned Iranians. As a daughter, and as a Republican woman who is both a fiscal and social Democrat, I feel I am well prepared for my new anonymous position as Wonkette’s Anonymous Tehran Youth Correspondent Executive Bureau Chief. In case you haven’t been following the news through Twitter or Daily Candy, there was just an election here, in Iran, for President. Now, because of the definition of anonymity, I can’t say too too much about how, but I know things about presidential elections. Lots of things. Things that would make you say to me, “Listen, Mawiyah, you should be the first girl to cover a presidential election with a blog.” And you would be absolutely right to say that. I should be. And I was. But I don’t want to say too much. MORE »
PLUS THAT GIANT STONE PHALLUS: “Was this man, George Washington, truly our greatest president? No, not at all! Most historians put him in the ‘Top 50,’ at best. But he was the first president, of America, and for that we honor his service to our country.” [
Ughh… people have asked for a drinking game for George W. Bush’s farewell address, which this liveblog will “cover” (as in, “maybe watch.”) Well here’s your game. Drink. Drink constantly. Locate alcohol and imbibe as rapidly as possible. YOU MUST DRINK, IT IS GEORGE BUSH JUNIOR COMMANDING RESPECT. SAVE YOURSELF. DRINK SOME ALCOHOL YOU IDIOT. DRINK VINEGAR AT THE VERY LEAST. 
Well, that was a very fancy narrative television show Barack Obama produced! We’ll pick up 6 episodes, with an option for 13. (Would have been better if Meredith Grey had come out in the end with a little monologue about her fear of commitment and then had sex with Barack Obama on top of the Straight Talk Express, though.) So let’s turn to MSNBC now and watch Keith Olbermann masturbating into a pot holder. 
John McCain has been asking everyone “Who is the REAL Barack Obama?” and, ha, we’ve finally smoked him out; here is the Real Barack Obama, a bird-faced hellcop space lord clutching a dead kitty, staring at the camera, trying to rape John F. Kennedy. He’s with, uh, Jim Webb there in the dunce cap. You’ve been warned. Anyway, what will you readers be for that yearly celebration of evil, Halloween? Let’s have a contest! Whoever sends us the funniest “political” costume photo by this time next week will win a special prize… to be determined later? Probably a pack of smokes or a few used dildos, don’t hold your breath. [
Do you like comics, and 
Every four years, Europeans get mad at Americans because only stupid ignorant U.S. citizens get to elect their president (who is always George W. Bush). So this year our friends overseas were delighted to participate in a meaningless poll conducted by the Telegraph, which showed conclusively that your average bewhiskered European hausfrau is just as hot for Barack Obama as millions of recently graduated American college seniors. But who digs Obama the most? The answer may shock you! 
Seems that at least one president of the United States I can think of is going to have an awkward Christmas dinner with his parents. Out on the stump for Hillary, Bill Clinton said yesterday that he and George Bush Sr. will go around the world cleaning up Junior’s mess as soon as Hillary becomes president. Poppa Bush has been silent on the issue, so we have to assume that he said he’d do it. Only the RNC issued a statement saying something along the lines of, “Get serious. There’s going to be a Republican president in 2009 who will continue to fuck up the world.” [