Wonkette

AMERICAblog has posted the comical tale of a New Mexico resident who went to a popular local restaurant yesterday and saw the Republican candidates, in the flesh, who both basically ignored him even though he had a cute baby with him. Why do Republicans hate cute babies and men with liberal elitist iPhones asking insolent questions? MORE »

Every four years, Europeans get mad at Americans because only stupid ignorant U.S. citizens get to elect their president (who is always George W. Bush). So this year our friends overseas were delighted to participate in a meaningless poll conducted by the Telegraph, which showed conclusively that your average bewhiskered European hausfrau is just as hot for Barack Obama as millions of recently graduated American college seniors. But who digs Obama the most? The answer may shock you! MORE »

Thrice-married French President Nicolas Sarkozy went to the annual farm fair in Paris this weekend and insulted the crap out of some guy who didn’t want to shake his hand. A journalist caught the whole miserable exchange on video, so now the whole world can hear Sarkozy saying something that sounds just wonderful but apparently means “Get lost, dumbass.” Shocking video footage, after the jump! MORE »

Seems that at least one president of the United States I can think of is going to have an awkward Christmas dinner with his parents. Out on the stump for Hillary, Bill Clinton said yesterday that he and George Bush Sr. will go around the world cleaning up Junior’s mess as soon as Hillary becomes president. Poppa Bush has been silent on the issue, so we have to assume that he said he’d do it. Only the RNC issued a statement saying something along the lines of, “Get serious. There’s going to be a Republican president in 2009 who will continue to fuck up the world.” [CNN] – Greg Wasserstrom

Good news, America! Our long half-century war with Cuban sensation Fidel Castro may finally be over, because he’s dead. Maybe. Our blogging comrade Perez Hilton (who is Cuban, and from Florida) is reporting exclusively that he heard a rumor that U.S. officials will soon announce Castro’s death. Another exclusive report is here, making it all the more exclusive. MORE »

Can you imagine a scenario where some reporters were taking unwanted pictures of the President of the United States while he was on vacation in a foreign country? Of course not, because they’d immediately be stuffed into burlap sacks by a team of NSA black ops commandos and taken to a secret prison in Uzbekistan where they’d be tortured to death. But not every world leader hides behind his security services like a little girl. MORE »

Here he is, beloved new French president Mr. Monsieur Nicolas Sarkozy grabbing some young gal’s left tit. Europe is back! Aux armes — et cetera! MORE »

First came the staggering news that new U.S. dollar coins were minted without the crucial “In God We Trust” slogan — a painful acknowledgment that God had quit blessing America and America had quit trusting God.

Now there’s even spookier news: A couple in Denver came across a new dollar coin with no president’s face or anything, really, on either side of the coin. How did they even know it was a dollar coin and not the Lost Treasure of the Knights Templar or something? Probably because they went to the bank and specifically asked for the shiny new U.S. coins; people will apparently run out and buy whatever new coin gets made, in hopes that it will be fucked up and they can sell it on eBay for $300.

And that’s sort of what happened to our treasure-hunting couple, who we’ll meet after the jump.

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Hoping to stop a Nixonian political comeback, a Serbian man went to the grave of war criminal Slobodan Milosevic on Saturday night and hammered a wooden stake through the dead strongman’s heart. MORE »

Since the ’70s, the government has known that dollar bills disintegrate after only a year or two of use, while dollar coins would last decades and save tons of printing costs. There have been two flopped attempts to introduce said coins since, which have failed not because dollar bills remained in circulation besides them but because they portrayed ladies on the front. MORE »

It looks like Fidel Castro just might make it through yet another American presidency. MORE »

While we have always wanted a Gerald Ford commemorative coin, we find the Mint’s new plan to take the only circulating US currency with women on it and supplement it with the dudes who are on all the other money a little bit idiotic. But whatever, Sacagawea never annexed half of Mexico, so fuck her. MORE »