Wonkette

The wizards at Popular Photography bring you a horrifying glimpse into America’s liver-spotted, wrinkled, big-eared future. View this scary scary artificially aged photo of John McCain in its full-sized glory after the jump. MORE »

Aw, how cute. The Vermont Teddy Bear Company has made a series of stuffed critters representing our various presidential candidates. The Hillary bear wears a yellow jacket and has a big ass. The Obama bear is brown and wears casual shirtsleeves. And the John McCain bear glows a corpselike, pearlescent white and needs its diapers changed thrice daily. This is why we are voting for “Mom.” [Be Bear: The Blog]

Explosive reporting from the New York Times reveals that many millions of years ago, when the Army Corps of Engineers was busy separating North America from Pangaea, a little child was born unto Roberta and John McCain, Junior. This child, John Sidney McCain III, was born in the Panama Canal Zone. And because of this, he will never be president. MORE »

We’re on to the fourth grueling hour of a night that will leave us broken, hollow husks of our former selves — and poised for invasion by our alien overlords. Let’s see how it plays out across the wasteland of America! MORE »

According to Variety, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Bill Richardson and John Edwards said that they will not cross picket lines for a CBS-sponsored debate in Los Angeles on Dec. 10 if writers strike. MORE »

Ah, the brain… sometimes it works, other times not so much. But it always reacts. And we think that’s pretty cool. The New York Times thinks it’s pretty cool, too, and conducted an MRI study comparing brain activity reacting to party affiliation (men’s brains reacted to Democrat or Republican, but not Independent), Hillary Clinton (photos triggered feelings of conflicting impulses), Mitt Romney (anxiety!), Fred Thompson (empathy), and John Edwards (disgust, negative emotions). Strangely, swing voters had little activity in the areas of thought or feelings on McCain or Obama. You just can’t argue with science! After the jump, key findings from the study. MORE »

(AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

I just came across the above photo of Senator Clinton and I thought, you know what? It’s time for Hillary Hand Turkeys! Yay!

The adventure continues after the jump…

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We got the following totally-unverified tip yesterday from a Wonkette operative:

Overheard at Tortilla Coast:
Male with really bad curly hair kinda like that 70s guy from American Idol: “I met this intern from McCain’s office, she takes sleeping pills every night”

Ditzy Girl: “Really? Wow….”

Bad hair guy: “Yeah I mean she’s a red head so she’s pale anyways but this is worse!”

At first we didn’t think much of it, because even though we like the idea of the MAVERICK senator’s interns not being able to sleep at night, our tipster kinda lost us with the punchline. But then we read Newsmax’s most recent attack piece tribute to McCain, with its hilariously self-answering headline, and we wondered if maybe everybody within a five-mile radius of the gentleman from Arizona mightn’t need to hit the ol’ Ambien. The vulgar parts, including a surprising incident in which McCain inspects a colleague’s ass, are after the jump.

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