Tag: presidential campaign

It is exactly like that scene from the movie about corporate drudgery, see?

For His Next Trick, Ted Cruz Will Ruin ‘Office Space’ And Geto Boys Forever

The Ted Cruz campaign dropped yet another of its efforts to coopt and taint all of American popular culture Friday, this time with an anti-Hillary Clinton ad ripping off a scene from Mike Judge's Office Space, even accompanied by...

Ted Cruz Campaign Casts Softcore Porn Performer In Ad, Then Yanks It

Ted Cruz's campaign accidentally went and hired a softcore porn performer for a recent ad touting his super-conservative values, even though the actress, Amy Lindsay, describes herself as a conservative Christian and a Republican. After it became aware of...
Caramba!

NH Primary Down To Donald Trump’s Watermelon-Sized Balls, Ted Cruz’s Vagina

In Manchester, New Hampshire, Monday night, Donald Trump continued an unbroken string of getting away with crap that would have sunk any other campaign in history, enthusiastically repeating a supporter's shout that Ted Cruz is a pussy for hesitating...
Never should have installed that Romney2012 emulator

Marco Rubio Will Pay You To Make Fun Of Him Forever And Ever

You may have missed it in all the excitement over that thrilling sportsball contest where the team with the one bunch of guys beat the team with the other bunch of guys, and there were lots of poop commercials,...

Fine, Here Is Your Bernie Sanders On SNL Already. Are You People Happy Now?

As everyone knows, there are two objectives for any political candidate appearing on Saturday Night Live: Get your face on SNL, and do it without embarrassing yourself too badly. And don't even try to match the performance of Jesse...
I promise I'll be gentle

Jeb Bush Would Like Your Electoral Cherry, Young Man

After performing well below even his own pitifully low expectations in the Iowa caucuses and spending roughly $2,884 for every one of the pitifully few votes he won there, Jeb! Bush continued on to New Hampshire, where he headed...
Notice also the squeaky-toy sound effect at this exact moment

Let Jeb Bush Tell You What A Failure He Is In 18 Seconds Or Less

Unbelievable: the entire Jeb Bush campaign in a nutshell, via @SpideyScouting. pic.twitter.com/Zg7uJIL9oK — John Whitehouse (@existentialfish) January 29, 2016 From John Whitehouse of Media Matters comes this brief video snippet that says everything anyone could hope to know about poor sad...
That thing will never fly. Center of gravity is all out of whack.

Everything You Need To Know About Iowa’s Hot Throbbing Caucus: A Wonksplainer

After all the campaigning and stump speeches and far fewer corndog-eating photos than we would have hoped for, the Big Day is finally here: Happy Birthday, Pauly Shore! Also, it's the Iowa Caucus, a mysterious ritual that nobody cared...
He had problems with her persona

Iowa Lady Accuses Trump Campaign Of Sex Discrimination, Who’d Have Thought?

In an enormously surprising turn of events, a woman fired by Donald Trump's Iowa campaign organization has filed a gender discrimination complaint against the Trump campaign, accusing it of paying men more than women for the same job. Frankly, we're...
I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots, or only five?

Donald Trump’s ‘Shoot Somebody’ Plan Gets Big Thumbs Up From Supporters

Donald Trump is pretty darned happy about his polling, and his incredibly yooge support from everyone. He is easily the most-beloved figure in American politics since Ronald Delano Lincoln, and he knows for a fact that his supporters would...
She may run for president. Or she take up llama waltzing.

Michele Bachmann Demands To Know Why You Aren’t Begging To Know Her 2016 Plans

Look, would all you lamepants lamers in the lamestream media just stop obsessing about that dumb plane with the Dutchmen on it, and those dumb brown children, and pay attention to something important, like whether Michele Bachmann will run...

The President’s Famous And Farming Is Hot

It's Friday! Lounge in some articles about presidential legacies, lazy candidates, and a changing farming industry. Here's an article about why presidents shouldn't be concerned about how they will look when they go down in history. We're pretty sure...

Celebrities Destroying America, According to Television

According to the news today, the GOP hates celebrities, hates television, and hates words. St. Ronald Reagan would be so ashamed. The GOP doesn't like it when Obama uses celebrities like Sarah Jessica Parker or Anna Wintour in his...

Mitt Romney Can’t Explain What He Learned from Firing People

I like to learn a fun fact every day, and today I learned TWO fun facts! One is that people still actually read Time, and two is that Romneybot 6000 doesn’t have a scripted response to questions about what...

Movie Presidential Candidate George Clooney Forced To Clarify He’s Not Actually Running

Sorry, George Clooney, you will have to spell this one out. These are entertainment reporters, guy. Clooney's idealistic presidential candidate, Pennsylvania Gov. Mike Morris, has a straightforward platform: He's nonreligious but defends the freedom of religion. He also opposes the...