Wonkette

Your country, the United States, comes closer and closer to the brink of complete economic and militaristic (but mostly economic these days!) ruination with every passing second. Oh, don’t blame yourself, dear reader. Blame the government — yeah, you know the one! Because, due to a confluence of distant inaugurations, inept lame ducks and quietly ambitious second-tier Washington officials, we’ve got one foot in the Great New Depression II with the other about to step in… and yet we have no idea who is actually running the country! By our count, we have three (3) presidents right now, and they’re all just going around doing their own things while your money is literally dying. So which president, pray tell, is the REAL president right now? MORE »

With the West Coast polls closed and Obama already holding 220, including Virginia … well, you can count, even if you’re very wasted right now. California has 55 electoral votes, Washington state has 11, Hawaii has 4, and Oregon has 7. You can add that to 220 electoral votes CNN says he has right now. We have a new president. His name is Barack Obama.

Oh this guy. Your editor is feeling anxious and unfunny this morning, but thankfully somebody has filled in the Great Comedy Void: the New York Times’ own Bill Kristol, penning a side-splitting column about how President John McCain will be great for liberals, wokka wokka. MORE »

Jesus, has this 2008 election happened already? Like last week sometime? Nope, it starts exactly seven days from today, and will end sometime in December after all the dumb Virginia Democrats who voted November 5th are cast into the sea and John McCain is crowned Permanent Dictator by the Supreme Court, which does not legislate from the bench. Or! Or Barack Obama will win the election fairly cleanly and handily, and Sarah Palin will immediately commence her 2012 REVENGE PLOT. MORE »

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN, A SPOOKY LOOK INTO THE FUTURE: “Palin is ambitious. Very ambitious. And if she wants the job, she’s easily the frontrunner to become THE voice of the angry Right in the Wilderness. [...] Pro-Palin voices will begin to talk a great deal about how the only person to ever come close to beating Barack Obama was Hillary Clinton. Palin will seem to fit the Hillary mold for many Republican primary voters.” [Marc Ambinder]

Cover your ears, Obamacans: Walter Mondale’s former campaign manager has constructed a bizarre and highly unlikely “nightmare scenario” for you that involves Hillary Clinton getting the vice presidential nomination without your Barry’s permission, basically by guilting all the superdelegates into backing her. MORE »

While America spent the day either dancing on Hillary Clinton’s grave or trying to jump into it, a very important event transpired in nation of Russia: as expected, Vladimir Putin departed his post as president. But now he will be the prime minister, and some stooge whose name Hillary mangled in a debate will be the “president” instead. This will allow Putin to continue to walk around topless and cavort with flexy gymnasts half his age while Dmitry Medvedev attends to important affairs such as poisoning spies. Exciting photos of President Medvedev’s swearing-in ceremony after the jump! MORE »

Take heart, sad Barry fans: even though your guy lost everything except Vermont last night, he will be President someday–after groundbreaking President Hillary Clinton expires of old age. This morning Senator Clinton hinted that she might add Barack Obama to the ticket if the people of Ohio allowed it. MORE »

If you were John McCain and you had to defeat Barack Obama in order to become the world’s oldest non-Communist President, how would you do it? (Keep in mind that you cannot point out that Obama is “urban” or “at risk.”) The answer may surprise you! MORE »

Serious political sites everywhere are presenting this political photograph so that readers might help solve this great political mystery: Is French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s girlfriend, model and songwriter Carla Bruni, pregnant from Sarkozy’s center-right sperm? Or did she just have a small bit of food recently? [Huffington Post]