President
House Republicans apparently get chills in their spines when they see Mike Pence, because they just know he will run for and become President of the United States very soon. So it came as no surprise that he won that straw poll last week, and for that reason it should come as no surprise that [...]
“The Politico” comes through with the latest hot Sarah Palin scoop: Sarah Palin was on teevee (this is obviously not the “scoop”) — on Fox News, to be exact (wait for it …) — and announced, between deep sighs and painful wheezy sounds, that she would be forced to run for president if no one [...]
Rick Santorum has been in Iowa a lot lately, so obviously he is running for president, but he doesn’t really want to. The people of the United States are FORCING him to, because they just need a President Rick Santorum so badly. “I sort of feel in some respects I’m being pulled along in this,” [...]
The Republican Party’s fastest rising star, 2006 re-election loser former Senator Rick Santorum, went to the big city last week to start making plans for Jesus and Rick’s Presidential Campaign Adventure 2012. Santorum, you see, raised more money for his PAC (really? are all these candidates really unemployed with nothing else to do?) than Mike [...]
Apparently everyone decided yesterday was the start of the 2012 presidential election, and Mark Halperin of Time (or as Politico calls it, “Time” magazine, snarkily) reported that a “Romney intimate” (GROSS!) does not believe Sarah Palin is a “‘serious human being,” correctly. So Politico called up a Palin intimate (ALSO GROSS), and that person does [...]
SHE REALLY REALLY WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT: [We're out of absurd descriptions for her] Michele Bachmann unintentionally revealed yesterday, while yelling about Democrats, that she thinks about running for president 24/7: “They want to make sure no women, no woman becomes president before a Democrat woman and so they’re doing everything they can to, I [...]
Mitt Romney thinks he can get elected the Republican president of the United States someday, even though he served as the governor of the People’s Republic of Taxachusetts and instituted a Cuban healthcare regime while in office. To commemorate his unhappy tenure as a hostage of the Massachusetts state legislature’s overwhelmingly Democratic majority, the state [...]
Of all the comical failed Republican presidential candidates from the year aught-eight, none tugged at our heartstrings more than Mitt Romney, who lost $40 million of his own money in his fruitless quest to persuade people to like him. By 2012, he will have recouped all his losses by doubling down in America’s hot real [...]
Jesus, has this 2008 election happened already? Like last week sometime? Nope, it starts exactly seven days from today, and will end sometime in December after all the dumb Virginia Democrats who voted November 5th are cast into the sea and John McCain is crowned Permanent Dictator by the Supreme Court, which does not legislate [...]
