How many daughters does Sarah Palin have? Like fourteen? Well, David Letterman made a CRUDE REMARK about one of them, apparently intending to refer to the oldest one ( “Bridgeport”) but inadvertently referring to the middle one ( “Jester”). And voila just like that a harmless “gals is always gettin’ pregnant” joke turned into a “isn’t it hilarious when 14-year-olds get raped by baseball stars” joke, so he had to apologize for that. Ugh. Everybody just needs to wash out their minds with soap — Ivory soap, the soap of virgins. [Political Ticker]

Let’s see, what do we talk about around here all the time now? Teen pregnancy, and MTV’s The Real World in Washington. Here’s a new show coming up on that very same network, but it’s about the real Real World, for Americans, which is “you get knocked up in high school” and … well, that’s about it. Unless you’re Sarah Palin’s babydaughter, generally you are never heard from again, because you will be a cashier at Food 4 Less or whatever, part time. Anyway, ignore the Target commercial at the beginning here and enjoy this tragic promo for MTV’s 16 and Pregnant, directed by our old pal Morgan J. Freeman.

Do you recall, back in August, right around the time Michelle Obama gave her nice speech at the Democratic National Convention, how Rush Limbaugh was blabbing to anyone who would listen about how she was totally knocked up? She looked it, too, from certain angles! People got all excited, because whoever heard of a presidential candidate — let alone a president — who actually liked his wife enough to have sex with her? MORE »

Well, that’s it, people! After weeks of saying, “oh yeah, let us get those records together, all those detailed and important medical records, there are so many of them to compile,” Sarah Palin’s people pooped out this doozy last night: a two-page fax from a kindly community doctor who reveals that Sarah Palin is a healthy woman who exercises. MORE »

Both Cynthia Tucker, a columnist in Atlanta, and Jon Stewart, a political comedian on the teevee, have recently pointed out Bill O’Reilly’s peculiar (self-contradictory?) stances on famous teenagers getting knocked up. When Jamie Lynn Spears got pregnant, O’Reilly shouted at her parents for not “supervising” her adequately — good parents, as we all know, should hold their daughter’s hands when she’s getting banged by some local knucklehead. When Bristol Palin got pregnant, however, O’Reilly said that it was understandable and a private matter for the family. So Tucker and Stewart called O’Reilly out on this, and O’Reilly got super mad and defensive! He then sent some Fox lackey to stalk Tucker at her home and chided Stewart for “editing.” PROBLEM SOLVED. [YouTube]

Well here you have it, the final word on Sarah Palin’s pregnancy and birthing from renowned obstetrics journal the New York Times. The biggest shocker: Trig Paxon Van Palin really was given that name because it sounded like “Van Halen.” THAT IS NOT EVEN A JOKE, THAT IS AN ACTUAL FACT IN THIS JOURNALISTIC ARTICLE. How can America trust Sarah Palin to be a heartbeat away from the presidency when she names her youngest child after an 80s hard rock band? MORE »

“Bristol Palin, one of Alaska Gov. Palin’s five children with her husband, Todd, is about five months pregnant and is going to keep the child and marry the father, the Palins said in a statement released by the campaign of Republican presidential candidate John McCain.” WAIT, WHAT? MORE »

Wonkette Pregnancy Expert Sara K. Smith decrees that these whispers about Sarah Palin not being that baby’s mama are absurd, because everybody knows John Edwards is the mother of that baby. This supposed cover-up is also terrifically quaint compared to the actual crimes that Alaskan politicians commit every day: bribery, servant monkey commerce, more bribery, and of course the rape of our sacred English language. Plus didn’t everybody see The 40 Year Old Virgin? Hot grandmas are in. P.S. GODDAMMIT YOU ILLITERATE CRETINS IT IS “DOWN” SYNDROME, NOT “DOWN’S” SYNDROME. [Daily Kos]

Here is a photo of France’s new First Lady arriving in England with her midget husband. Her outfit speaks diplomatic volumes: flats, so as not to tower over M. Sarkozy; modest tweed, so as to remind Camilla of her youth back in the Depression. (In turn, Camilla wears a trashy befeathered nightmare hat because she is a tart.) But the real question is, why would a rail-thin former model be sporting a little belly pooch? We smell shotgun wedding. [The Sun]

Was there a time when candidates weren’t asked to weigh in on every cultural touchstone of an issue on the campaign trail? Or did they just maybe used to know better? Last night, reporters asked Huckabee what he thought of the pregnancy of 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears. Naturally, he thinks she made “right decision, a good decision” about not getting an abortion, but he doesn’t want other teenage girls to be thinking that getting pregnant is a good idea. Look, I have a suggestion, Mike. You don’t want kids to get obese and you don’t want them to get pregnany (laudable goals, both). How about instead of getting rids of sodas and snack foods in school and abstinence education, you simply show women in childbirth, perhaps from the Discovery Channel show Babies Special Delivery, on a loop in the cafeteria? Two birds, one stone, man. [Political Punch]

Who wasn’t surprised yesterday when Drudge posted a developing story about supposed Edwards-mistress Rielle Hunter being pregnant (even though it was from the National Enquirer)? Who wasn’t then further surprised to see no mention of it on the NE’s site until this morning (though it was re-posted here much of yesterday afternoon) and Drudge’s link not working for more than 12 hours? Hrm. Interesting.

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