predator drones
SURPRISE: U.S. Wants More Than Just a No-Fly Zone In Libya!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Let’s celebrate by bombing Libya: “The U.S. ambassador to the U.N. raised the possibility of ‘going beyond a no-fly zone,’” but didn’t specify when the United States would save all the oil from oppression — causing major blue balls in diplomatic circles. Remember two days ago when Barack Obama said he [...]
TODAY IN POLITICS: Kirsten Gillibrand Is a Total Babe
Hello, welcome to Tuesday Afternoon: Politico reports that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) gave Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) “an unusual form of praise” at a closed-door fundraiser. Said Reid: “We in the Senate refer to Sen. Gillibrand as the hottest member.” “The comment prompted Gillibrand to turn red… and created a bit of stir [...]
Help the American Enterprise Institute Think Of Naughty Ways To Punish Julian Assange!
The American Enterprise Institute has been hemming and hawing over the important policy question, “Why won’t Julian Assange just die already?” Julian Assange, as you might recall, is the jerk from Wikileaks who tricked possibly hundreds of Americans into caring about the war in Afghanistan for maybe thirty seconds. Can’t you just let America watch [...]
Rick Perry Is So ‘Fed Up,’ He’s Writing a Bible About It
Clear a lil’ shelf room in your wood-paneled libraries, everybody, because President of Texas Rick Perry is writing a new book! It’s called Fed Up, and it teaches you how to hate the federal government like a Texan does (i.e., while wearing spurs). A rep from Perry’s publisher says that “when [Perry] speaks, millions listen,” [...]
Texas Is Famous This Week
Texas has arrived! Just look at the Newsweek cover, which blasts the state’s new marketing slogan, “Don’t Mess With Texas,” and features a picture of America’s oldest teenaged runaway, Rick Perry, showing off his indigenous footwear. (Free snake farm tickets for anyone who can decipher the boot hieroglyphics.) Inside there’s a bunch of articles about [...]
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