Tag: prayer

Ben Carson Remembers That Time Ben Franklin Gave God A Beej

Brilliant brain doctor Ben Carson is not only great at butchering live baby parts in half (true story!), but he is also great at historical fiction. And not just the Bible kind, though that is his specialty. In October, Carson appeared on Jesus...
I'm really more of a Rams fan...

Brave Christian Football Coach Suspended, Can Spend All Day Talking With God Now

The Great Jesus Sportsball War continues in Washington, where Bremerton High School administrators have placed assistant football coach Joe Kennedy on paid administrative leave for ignoring multiple requests that he stop leading players in prayer at the 50-yard line...
Drop Kick Me Jesus

Brave Christian Football Coach Eated By Lions

A high school assistant sportsball coach in Bremerton, Washington, had a nice chat with the Almighty, who told him that, despite orders to cut it out, he needs to keep praying on the 50-yard line following every game, because...
He Declared Bankruptcy For Your Sins

Donald Trump Is Yoogest Evangelical, Also A Jew For Jesus Maybe

More big Donald Trump news today: Now that he's finally found a Bible verse he likes (even if it doesn't exist), he is doing his very best to suck up to the wackiest fringes of the evangelist movement. Not necessarily the...
And that's how America was made!

Arizona Town Pretty Sure Jesus Never Followed The First Amendment Either

The town of Coolidge, Arizona, proudly voted last week to only allow Christian prayers at the opening of public meetings, even after both the mayor and the city's attorney warned that it means the town will almost certainly lose...
Disappointed in Kim Davis's past sins obviously.

Pat Robertson Just Called Kim Davis A Whore

UH OH SHOTS FIRED! Grandpa Pat Robertson is real glad Kim Davis is standing up for Jesus Christ's true message, which is "PEEEEE-YEW! Notice how I never said Blessed Are The Icky Homos? They're the BEATITUDES, not the BE-FAG-ITUDES."...
Well that DOES look like indoctrination

Florida Wingnuts Not About To Stand For Kiddie Books About ‘Nice Muslims,’ Hell No

A group of Very Concerned Parents are petitioning the Duval County Public School District in Florida to remove two books from the third-grade reading list because they're simply too Muslimy for use in a public school. The books, Nasreen's...
Warrior president.

Rick Santorum Worried Gays Won’t Let America Pray For Charleston Shooting Victims

Rick Santorum joined the chorus of wingnuts commenting Thursday on the senseless murders in Charleston, on the Joe Piscopo radio show, which is apparently a thing. Being Rick Santorum, he started out OK, but then suddenly stepped in a puddle of wingnut...
Still the dumbest book cover in the history of U.S. America

Allen West Can Keep Football Players From Getting Hurt, Just By Saying A Little Prayer!

Allen West, the Guardian of the Republic vile, disgraced torture fetishist and congressional race-loser who is also a creepazoid sex pervert, took some time off from those activities recently to discuss football injuries, and the best way to prevent them....
That's Why I Love Mankind

How Much Money Will God And Liberals Send To Maine Family Planning Group?

Looks like the Culture Wars have spilled over from food fights to competing claims of divine intervention in fundraising campaigns. With the Great Indiana Gay Pizza Crisis (please give generously) finally at an end -- or at least the...
Ayyyyyyyy, this guy!

Scott Walker Refuses To Provide Transcripts Of Conversations With Nonexistent God

And so it came to pass that the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) submitted a lulzy public records request to the office of Christianist Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. What, FFRF asked, was the substance of the Governor's conversations with...

Hero Minister Wants Christians To Get Spiritually ‘Violent,’ Because It’s Working So Well In Nigeria

Remember John Hagee, John McCain's favorite Bible-humping lunatic pastor who, like any good Christian, believes the Catholic Church is the "great whore" and Hitler was God's personal hunter, sent to Earth to kill all the Jews except for maybe...

Supreme Court Tells Towns They Can Pray To Jesus All Night Long

Happy news, America -- your town councils can legally start meetings with prayers that are as full of Jebus as you want them to be! The SCOTUS ruled in a 5-4 decision that the town of Greece, New York,...

You Got Your God In My Government: The Year In ChurchState

Way to go, America! Looks like we got through one more year without becoming a Handmaid's Tale theocracy, being taken over by sharia law, or rounding up all the Christians and putting them in FEMA camps, so all in...

PC Police End Hero Praying Bus Driver’s Mission To Save Muslim Children

A Minnesota school bus driver -- who's also a pastor at two Minneapolis churches -- was fired from his bus-driving job last week for mixing up his two occupations. Needless to say, he believes that interfering with his evangelizing...

Nice Lady Prophet Explains How Her 6-Year-Old’s Tummy Ache Stopped God From Assassinating Ronald Reagan

Right here is some actual evidence of the power of prayer, so all you atheists just shut up. Cindy Jacobs, a self-proclaimed "respected prophet" who a few years ago repented for all the lesbians and their "girl-on-girl kissing," told...