Tag Archives: pranks

  can't you take a choke?

Rudy Giuliani Calls Christie’s 4-Day Traffic Gridlock A ‘Prank,’ 9/11 Now Downgraded To ‘Horseplay’

Former NYC 9/11 Mayor 9/11 Rudy 9/11 Giuliani is defending his old pal Chris Christie, saying that the New Jersey governor and future former Republican front-runner is definitely not a bully, and that the closure of lanes on the George Washington Bridge last September was merely a “stupid political prank that backfired.” Stuff happens, and once in a while, when you leave a bucket of water perched on a cracked-open door, it snarls traffic for four days and delays paramedics from getting to a 91-year-old woman who dies later. God, people, have you no sense of humor? Read more on Rudy Giuliani Calls Christie’s 4-Day Traffic Gridlock A ‘Prank,’ 9/11 Now Downgraded To ‘Horseplay’…
  sexy bathroom pranks

Fox News ‘Magazine': Your Relationship Needs Plagiarized Children’s Articles That Will Make Your Husband Beat You

We have a sad. The kids at Fark noticed that the guys at Cracked noticed that there is some dumb floozy who is the new Fox News Magazine’s “style and beauty editor,” and not only is she a dumb floozy who thinks playing “pranks” on your husband will spice up your relationship (pranks like making him think you set up a webcam to watch him take a dump? SAD FACE), but also she plagiarized the whole thing from some children’s website. Why are we sad? Because this dumb floozy has a journalism job, while so many of you are forced to slave in the Wonkville story mines, where we charge you for AIR! Read more on Fox News ‘Magazine': Your Relationship Needs Plagiarized Children’s Articles That Will Make Your Husband Beat You…
  suckers

Mitt Romney’s Honking Bus Totally Sticks It To Rival High School

Well howdy doo, no one told us the first Lincoln-Douglas debate of the season was going to be today: “Republican nominee Mitt Romney’s guerrilla tactics continued Thursday, as the campaign bus circled the venue where President Barack Obama will be speaking this afternoon… the bus honked its horn dozens of times, before circling around to do it again.” Well. This is a new thing. Sure, the McCain campaign would do this from time to time ’08. But it wasn’t a planned campaign tactic, just the inevitable result of a staffer leaving car keys next to the Ambien bottles in McCain’s hotel room. Read more on Mitt Romney’s Honking Bus Totally Sticks It To Rival High School…
  conformity's stalwart defender

Mitt Romney Is Sorry If He Hurt You When He Went Too Far

Mitt Romney is willing to put up with a lot of crap to get his hands on the presidency he (believes he) so richly deserves. The unfiltered contempt of his fellow conservatives, for example! The indignity of being colonoscopied on-air by specially selected wigs from the Fox News Collection. The dog-and-Missouri-Fox-Trotter show of election by his inferiors, even. But the one thing Mitt Romney will never, not never, put up with is the brazen and flamboyant flambuoyancy of effeminate boys who try to ram their Veronica Lake hairdos down his throat. It doesn’t matter if the gays are attempting to walk down the aisle of a charming one-room Unitarian church or if they’re attempting to help him win an unwinnable election or if they’re, oh, just trying to attend the ritzy Cranbrook School with Mitt, circa 1965. No in Case 1, no in Case 2, and H-E-double hockeysticks NO in Case 3. Read more on Mitt Romney Is Sorry If He Hurt You When He Went Too Far…
  wholesome fun

LA City Council Becomes Millionth Victim of Classic ‘Mike Hunt’ Joke (VIDEO)

LA Councilman Dennis Zine got a list of people wishing to speak on the floor during Tuesday’s meeting that included mysterious individual “Mike Hunt.” Zine dutifully called on him with the best unsuspecting Principal Skinner deadpan that a prankster could wish for: Read more on LA City Council Becomes Millionth Victim of Classic ‘Mike Hunt’ Joke (VIDEO)…
  flotus files

FLOTUS Body Double Parties With Britney Spears, Probably On U.S. Dime

Yawn, there goes Michelle Obama again, partying in Europe with a bunch of celebrities when she is supposed to be doing her job (locking Malia in her room until she eats her broccoli). This time, our FLOTUS is not even trying to mask her frivolous night out as “official business,” shamelessly eating at an Indian restaurant with Britney Spears, Mr. Bean and Pavarotti while Americans’ tax dollars most likely paid for every single samosa. Actually, though, it was not Michelle Obama herself that enjoyed the party in Burton-on-Trent, Staffordshire, whatever that is. It was her secret body double! So how much money does that Michelle Obama steal from the pockets of hardworking Americans? Read more on FLOTUS Body Double Parties With Britney Spears, Probably On U.S. Dime…
  money talks or something

Fake David Koch Has Lengthy Conversation With Real Scott Walker

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is rather busy these days, considering the state capitol and capital is flooded with protestors. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have time to talk to David Koch for 20 minutes on the taxpayer-funded phone in his taxpayer-funded office. Unfortunately for Walker, the “David Koch” he talked to for 20 minutes was just a guy, Buffalo Beast’s Ian Murphy, putting on a funny rich-guy voice. And it turns out Walker likes Morning Joe‘s Mika Brzezinski’s butt. Read more on Fake David Koch Has Lengthy Conversation With Real Scott Walker…
  soiling prankdom

Tucker Carlson Likes To Send Out Fake E-mails As Keith Olbermann

As we all know, Tucker Carlson owns keitholbermann.com, because Tucker Carlson likes to pretend he’s still a teevee pundit when he’s not pretending he’s a poor-man’s Dan Abrams, who’s a poor-man’s Nick Denton. What you may not know is that Tucker has set up an e-mail account, keith@keitholbermann.com, at this URL, so that Tucker can send out long messages to small-time local news reporters to try to trick them into thinking Keith Olbermann is chatting with them. Cool! Wait until the kids at the playground hear about this funny goof their friend Tucker is playing on the media! Read more on Tucker Carlson Likes To Send Out Fake E-mails As Keith Olbermann…
  crazy people getting busy

Michele Bachmann Harassed By ‘Going Crazy’ Prankster

Remember when Chris Matthews was harassing Michele Bachmann on his liberal MSNBC show, calling her a hypnotized zombie and everything, and then her eyes got even bigger and she started mocking him for the “tingle down my leg” thing, and then remember how you wanted to die, because all of American life is so trashy and pointless and we’re going to be working in the salt mines for the Martians in a matter of months, anyway? Well, this joker held a fake Going Crazy/Michele Bachmann book cover — which, of course, is a play on the Sarah Palin book — and it was just there next to Bachmann’s head forever, until some cocksucker ran over and snatched it out of the kid’s hands. Read more on Michele Bachmann Harassed By ‘Going Crazy’ Prankster…
  so shut up annoying fem bloggers

Aqua Buddha Lady Says Rand Paul Kidnapping Wasn’t Really a Kidnapping

Rand Paul was once a cool guy named Randy who did pranks in college, we learned on Monday, and also he allegedly kidnapped some lady and made her get high and worship “Aqua Buddha.” Now she has clarified her remarks, and it turns out this was just some sort of 70’s role-playing thing. “[They] came over to my house as friends that I knew,” she said, reportedly. “They immediately said, ‘We’re going to tie you up and go for a ride.'” Oh, that sounds like a fun thing friends do when they hang out! This is totally innocuous! So why isn’t she releasing her name? She’s afraid of what Teabaggers will do to her. Seriously. Read more on Aqua Buddha Lady Says Rand Paul Kidnapping Wasn’t Really a Kidnapping…
  this is our zapruder film

Official (???) Alvin Greene Ad Takes On Porn Charges, Is Insanely Catchy

The New York Times cheerily announced the death of all our hopes and dreams today by announcing that Alvin Greene “is now out with his first campaign video.” Perhaps leaving his home and talking with voters in person could be forgiven by his superiors at the Daoist monastery, but surely producing a slick hip-hop video urging people to vote for him and releasing it on the Internet is incompatible with true oneness with the Way. But we here at Wonkette suspect that this video was not released by the Greene uncampaign at all! After the jump, we dismantle these patently false assertions from the so-called “paper of record” (plus we have the video itself, you must watch it, it is amazing). Read more on Official (???) Alvin Greene Ad Takes On Porn Charges, Is Insanely Catchy…
  teenage rebellion

David Obey Going To Stop Funding Wars Because He Can Do That

Recently House Appropriations Chair David Obey decided not to seek reelection after being in power for 41 years because he’s afraid of losing to some MTV reality show contestant. Now with a raging case of Senioritis, Obey doesn’t care anymore about putting effort into being a politician people don’t hate and came up with the ULTIMATE PRANK, cutting funding from America’s favorite thing to do, war. Read more on David Obey Going To Stop Funding Wars Because He Can Do That…
  taxpayer-funded senates

Ben Nelson Is Funnier Than Even The Funniest Black Comedians

You commies are always so upset with terrible Sen. Ben Nelson that you miss the whole friggin’ point of his existence: Ben Nelson shits humor. Think of the two funniest things ever, now. That’s right: Ben Nelson was the comedian behind both the knock-knock construction and the JFK assassination! And as the Washington Post tells us this morning, he has even more jokes that he loves to play on his humorless legislative colleagues, so as to endear himself to them. Let’s laugh at his jokes! Read more on Ben Nelson Is Funnier Than Even The Funniest Black Comedians…
  nobody uses straight razors anymore

Exciting White House Coke Scandal Was Just A Prank!

Hey so here is a thing! Once upon a long time ago (earlier this week, when your editor was busy Googling “galloway drink-soaked popinjay”) somebody took a picture of what looked suspiciously like ILLEGAL POWDERED DRUGS and said basically “Long day at the office, you would not BELIEVE where the office is BTW” and then posted the photo and comment to 4chan, whereupon somebody looked at the metadata on the photo and figured out it was COMING FROM INSIDE THE (WHITE) HOUSE. Except probably not! Read more on Exciting White House Coke Scandal Was Just A Prank!…
  the enemy is everywhere

Did Terrorist ‘Filipino Monkey’ Cause Coast Guard 9/11/09 Freakout?!

Nearly 20 months to the day of the Filipino Monkey Attacks, a shocking radio-CNN-terrorism incident was or was not committed right here in Washington, on the famous Potomac River, home to several overpriced brunch/graduation restaurants with nautical themes, plus a yacht where Larry Craig used to live and “secretly” fuck men who hated him. WHAT, you do not remember the Filipino Monkey Attacks of January 14, 2008? God, are you even American? Michael Moore’s website is THAT WAY, to the LEFT. Read more on Did Terrorist ‘Filipino Monkey’ Cause Coast Guard 9/11/09 Freakout?!…
  the rapist finder

‘THE PRESIDENT IS A NAGGER.’ Hmm what could possibly go wrong with that statement , on an outdoor sign with easily changeable letters, in Kentucky? [WLWT-TV]
  mysteries of our time

HAXORZ Leave Dumb Message On Electronic Road Sign In Virginia

Well, somebody thought it was necessary to blur out the naughty bits from this picture of the Virginia road sign attacked by Electronic Haxorz, so we have to guess what the strange message is supposed to mean … something about a secret couplet written in lemon juice on the back of the Stephen Colbert painting in the National Portrait Gallery, where bloated albino Newt Gingrich is dead and spreadeagled in the shape of David Vitter, but the diaper is on his face? Right? Read more on HAXORZ Leave Dumb Message On Electronic Road Sign In Virginia…
  winners

Here Is Your Winning ‘Make Rush Limbaugh Cry’ Billboard!

The DNC solicited suggestions for insults to hurl at Rush Limbaugh, and boy howdy, did Democrats deliver! This stone cold rebuke to the leprous sea-monkey Rush Limbaugh will surely have him curled in a fetal position, on a pile of money. [The Democratic Party] Read more on Here Is Your Winning ‘Make Rush Limbaugh Cry’ Billboard!…
  hold the line!

Dunderhead Florida Congresswoman Refuses To Take Obama’s Phone Call

Florida Republicans are a very special breed of morons. They will pay you $20 to give you a blowjob in the bathroom, they will keep you up at all hours on the Instant Message Blonker if they think you are a hot pimply teen, and they will hang up on you if you are the President-elect. Florida Representative Ileana Ros-Lehtinen got a call from Barack Obama and hung up on him, twice, because if she learned one thing from Sarah Palin it’s that world leaders will never call Republicans in earnest. Read more on Dunderhead Florida Congresswoman Refuses To Take Obama’s Phone Call…
  internet pranksters

Fake McCain Supporter Again Revealed As Fake

OH THIS GUY. “Martin Eisenstadt” is a comic invention who surfaces every 8-10 weeks to release satirical videos about Rudy Giuliani and spread fake rumors about the McCain campaign. Your Wonkette has seriously fallen for this trick once, when Eisenstadt reported that Paris Hilton’s family was FURIOUS about using their beloved blonde dingbat in McCain’s celebrity video. It seemed true! And funny. Read more on Fake McCain Supporter Again Revealed As Fake…
  dumb as a box of hair

Canadian Comedy Duo Destroys Palin

Oh good lord. Maybe you all haven’t seen this, everywhere, and maybe that’s why hundreds of you send this to us, every hour, because you haven’t seen it, and yet you know about it, and have the YouTube link. Anyway, very funny! Did you know Sarah Palin is a gullible idiot? Yes? Well, here is more fun proof. [Justiciers.tv/YouTube] Read more on Canadian Comedy Duo Destroys Palin…
  viruses on the emails

HillaryClinton.com Email Hacked By Breitbart Fan

A local liberal media elitist on the HillaryClinton.com mailing list send us this curious message. Hillary’s official email says “Hussein Obama” is a “muslim,” oh noes! Breitbart.tv is the conservative news portal beloved by Matt Drudge and other Hillary Clinton supporters. The Clinton people say they “don’t know what’s going on” but are aware that somebody has been messing with their email, for larfs. UPDATE: Read more on HillaryClinton.com Email Hacked By Breitbart Fan…