Nearly 20 months to the day of the Filipino Monkey Attacks, a shocking radio-CNN-terrorism incident was or was not committed right here in Washington, on the famous Potomac River, home to several overpriced brunch/graduation restaurants with nautical themes, plus a yacht where Larry Craig used to live and “secretly” fuck men who hated him. WHAT, you do not remember the Filipino Monkey Attacks of January 14, 2008? God, are you even American? Michael Moore’s website is THAT WAY, to the LEFT. MORE »

• ‘THE PRESIDENT IS A NAGGER.’ Hmm what could possibly go wrong with that statement , on an outdoor sign with easily changeable letters, in Kentucky? [WLWT-TV]

Well, somebody thought it was necessary to blur out the naughty bits from this picture of the Virginia road sign attacked by Electronic Haxorz, so we have to guess what the strange message is supposed to mean … something about a secret couplet written in lemon juice on the back of the Stephen Colbert painting in the National Portrait Gallery, where bloated albino Newt Gingrich is dead and spreadeagled in the shape of David Vitter, but the diaper is on his face? Right? MORE »

The DNC solicited suggestions for insults to hurl at Rush Limbaugh, and boy howdy, did Democrats deliver! This stone cold rebuke to the leprous sea-monkey Rush Limbaugh will surely have him curled in a fetal position, on a pile of money. [The Democratic Party]

Florida Republicans are a very special breed of morons. They will pay you $20 to give you a blowjob in the bathroom, they will keep you up at all hours on the Instant Message Blonker if they think you are a hot pimply teen, and they will hang up on you if you are the President-elect. Florida Representative Ileana Ros-Lehtinen got a call from Barack Obama and hung up on him, twice, because if she learned one thing from Sarah Palin it’s that world leaders will never call Republicans in earnest. MORE »

OH THIS GUY. “Martin Eisenstadt” is a comic invention who surfaces every 8-10 weeks to release satirical videos about Rudy Giuliani and spread fake rumors about the McCain campaign. Your Wonkette has seriously fallen for this trick once, when Eisenstadt reported that Paris Hilton’s family was FURIOUS about using their beloved blonde dingbat in McCain’s celebrity video. It seemed true! And funny. MORE »

Oh good lord. Maybe you all haven’t seen this, everywhere, and maybe that’s why hundreds of you send this to us, every hour, because you haven’t seen it, and yet you know about it, and have the YouTube link. Anyway, very funny! Did you know Sarah Palin is a gullible idiot? Yes? Well, here is more fun proof. [Justiciers.tv/YouTube]

A local liberal media elitist on the HillaryClinton.com mailing list send us this curious message. Hillary’s official email says “Hussein Obama” is a “muslim,” oh noes! Breitbart.tv is the conservative news portal beloved by Matt Drudge and other Hillary Clinton supporters. The Clinton people say they “don’t know what’s going on” but are aware that somebody has been messing with their email, for larfs. UPDATE: MORE »

Once upon a time there was a congressman named John Boehner, and everybody made fun of him because his name looked like “boner.” And then day somebody sent one of his local offices a Mysterious Package, which was leaking an Oily Substance, and everybody panicked because of the Terrorists. But! Turns out it was just bacon in the package: the sly prankster’s symbol for pork-barrel spending, or maybe how John Boner’s “package” is always “leaking oily substances.” [WLWT Cincinnati]

We’ve been getting a bunch of referrals to this Fake Texting Scandal post from the other day, randomly, and the absolute best mention is this Associated Content column by a gal named Carol Bengle Gilbert. It is called “Obama Text Message Fakes: Prank Reminiscent of 4th Grade.” Let’s look a little closer at Gilbert’s column, especially the parts in which she insults her young child and confesses to getting “angry at Word,” as in the basic computer program. MORE »

OH HI POTUS ‘08 XM LISTENERS: Here is how you send terrible fake Obama veep TXT messages. [POTUS '08]