One of the great pleasures of last year’s campaign season was seeing the consulting firm of Mark Penn, history’s greatest monster, end up millions of dollars in the hole for all the great work they did on behalf of losing candidate Hillary Clinton. How was Penn going to afford his lavish subterranean cave and the constant supply of virgins bearing Ho-Hos without Clinton’s subsidies? MORE »

Have you every wondered how the Obama family manages to look so consistently classy and awesome while the rest of America farts around in terry cloth sweat pants, chewing on their hangnails and just resenting the hell out of anyone who’s fancy enough to shower twice a week? The Obamas owe their squeaky clean and generally adorable public image to … being naturally adorable. MORE »

Print journalism and punditry are officially dead, because Richard Wolffe killed them. He has quit his job at Newsweek and will go work for Public Strategies, the PR outfit helmed by Dan Bartlett that also employs our beloved sad cowboy Mark McKinnon. Basically, any journalist who is sufficiently competent to pen a press release is fleeing to PR now because there are no news/media jobs of any sort left anymore, except at Wonkette, the NAMBLA house blog. [Austin Business Journal]

The government rescued insurance giant AIG from its own wretched, greedy incompetence by giving the evil company $80 billion $150 billion of your tax dollars. With this insane reward for being an epic failure, AIG was supposed to rebuild its core business — which is insurance, not gambling like a drunken fool and destroying the entire global economy in the process. Instead, AIG is burning through its bailout cash by sending absurd emails to political-comedy blogs demanding clarification on whether the $125 million of taxpayer dollars AIG is spending on English football sponsorships is simply a continuing waste of taxpayer millions or a renewed waste of taxpayer millions. MORE »

Important news from the Wonkette Inbox(!): “Today on TNR.com, Dayo Olopade offers the definitive fact-check of Paris Hilton’s energy recommendations in her new ‘campaign’ video. While Hilton’s video is perhaps a humorous response to McCain’s recent ‘celebrity’ ad featuring her likeness, Olopade concludes that even Paris, alas, gets the facts wrong on offshore drilling.” While this seems like the perfect setup for a Rick Roll, or a blinking screen that says “No Shit,” Mr. Olopade did, in fact, write this article challenging Paris Hilton’s claims. What’s next? Jamie Kirchick’s imaginary response? UPDATE: Oh dear, someone e-mails to say that it is actually “Ms.” Olopade, which we strongly considered Googling to confirm, but now we’re just racist. [TNR]

BEST DREAM TEAM SINCE ‘92 USA BASKETBALL: Former Clinton chief strategist and irreparable dipshit Mark Penn is hiring a new vice chairwoman for his elitist Burson-Marsteller PR firm, and it’s Eleanor Roosevelt. Just kidding, it’s worse! He is hiring famous Bush loyalist Karen Hughes as his vice chairwoman, where she will “provide crisis communications consulting and advice to corporate clients.” What a catch! Karen Hughes has a well detailed background as a P.R. mastermind. [NYT/The Caucus]

Yesterday, this vaguely unsettling contest campaign email from one Philippe Reines, Clinton flack and nominee for hottest media type in Washington (PR division), entertained everyone on the whole internet. Sadly, it appears we broke the poor man’s spirit. MORE »

As FishbowlDC continues its “Hottest Media People” contest, the campaigning and politicking grow more desperate. Yesterday we mocked their appearance, but today we’ll mock them personally.

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The Washington PR firm that bravely paid off Iraqi journalists to publish make-believe “good news” is back on the job with an all-new $6 million (or $20 million) contract.

Lincoln Group had already collected more than $100 million from the Pentagon when it was caught bribing reporters to run fake articles about how well that whole U.S. occupation was going.

How will the DoD’s favorite propagandists spend the new millions? We’ll break it down, after the jump.

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And my mission was very simple. I wanted to thank President Bush for the millions of FEMA trailers that were brought down there. They gave roofs over people’s head. People had the chance to have baths, air condition. We have TV, we have toiletry, we have things that are necessities that we can live upon.

But now, I wanted to remind the President that the job’s not done, and he knows that. And I just don’t want the government and President Bush to forget about us. And I just wish the President could have another term in Washington.

-Hurricaine Katrina survivor Rockey Vaccarella, after he drove his FEMA trailer from New Orleans to Washington to demand a meeting with President Bush, which he was, surprisingly, granted. MORE »

Wal-Mart’s very own paid Civil Rights Leader/apologist Andrew Young abruptly resigned from his position yesterday after giving an interview in which he said his employer was good for the urban working class. Which is basically what he was being paid to say, except for the extra bit he added about the folks who aren’t so good: MORE »