Good news! If you live any of the states that is not one of the lame ones—that is, one of fourteen that is cool with marijuana for medical whatever—then Obama will not arrest you for that. “Two Justice Department officials described the new policy to The Associated Press, saying prosecutors will be told it is not a good use of their time to arrest people who use or provide medical marijuana in strict compliance with state laws.” Bush did this exact thing actually: he would arrest people even if they were complying with their states’ own laws. Because that is stupid, Obama obviously thinks it is stupid, and will no longer do it. States’ rights: this is literally the Civil War!! [AP]

• WHY MICHAEL PHELPS IS THE WORST PERSON EVER: Did you hear about this Phelps character, an elite swimmer who was photographed smoking the evil gateway drug marijuana? “It doesn’t matter that ‘everybody else is doing it,’ because my bet is that everybody else smoking pot at that student party at the University of South Carolina doesn’t have endorsement deals worth $100 million. They haven’t courted the concept of being a role model and selling cellphones and cereal to mothers and grandmothers and little children.” Next we will find out that Michael Phelps didn’t pay his taxes, and then his political career is OVER. [Washington Post]

Denver has this peculiar thing that’s been in the news the last couple of years in which the city has more or less decriminalized, or stopped enforcing, marijuana laws for small amounts. On the other hand, Colorado state laws override the city’s initiative, and they suck. But overall, if you want to smoke your marijuana cigarettes, Denver’s a pretty good place to do so. EXCEPT WHEN THE STUPID DEMOCRATS COME TO TOWN. MORE »

Georgia state legislators are taking serious measures to curtail the dangerous sale of pot-flavored candy, saying it promotes use of the Devil Weed marijuana. And because this is the South, where every person’s name is a punch line, one of the prononents of the bill signed into law Wednesday was Senator Doug Stoner. MORE »

This sad lady does pot because her back esploded and she doesn’t want to be a criminal anymore. Note the strange time-lapse visual effects that make you, the viewer, experience the same strange “LSD trails” that are a hallmark of the dangerous drug called marijuana. Other effects include meth mouth, baby sales, and penile ossification. [Minnesotans for Compassionate Care/YouTube] MORE »

Iowa Senator Tom Harkin didn’t go nearly far enough when he suggested that smoking pot makes you sell your children. Thankfully we have anti-drug organization Above The Influence, which has created a series of documentaries tracking the behaviors of savage pot smokers on “Cannabis Isle.” Watch as this old white man goes out of his way to stare at two teens smoking pot in a basement by themselves, then spends hundreds of millions of dollars on new technologies to crack down on them. The War on Drugs is in full swing on Cannabis Isle. [Above the Influence via NORML]

It’s 2008, and that teenager drug marijuana is still raping our children. But why does that have to be illegal? According to The National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML), some person wrote to Iowa Sen. Tom Harkin “asking him to justify why medicinal cannabis is still illegal” after the American College of Physicians recommended it shouldn’t be. It merited a hilarious reply from Harkin, which noted many of pot’s notorious doom scenarios: “the small child whose parents are so addicted to illegal drugs that they sell everything including perhaps their own children to obtain a fix.” Harkin knows the routine: smoke up, eat gyro, play Legend of Zelda, sell children to pirates for more pot, repeat. The full, horrifying letter, after the jump. MORE »

You may remember wheel-chaired muscular dystrophy patient Clayton Holton from that time he asked Mitt Romney to legalize medical pot, and Mitt Romney was all like, “This is me walking in the other direction now.” But Holton’s quest for legal pot doesn’t end there; he’s also been taped asking Hillary Clinton (”we’ll look into it, sweet cheeks”), John McCain (”I know what you want, and no”), Ron Paul (”BWAH bwah superhighway BWAH”) and others. Holton is part of Granite Staters, which advocates — here comes a shocker — legalizing medical marijuana. Their website gives grades to each candidate’s stance on the matter, which basically splits into Democrats getting A’s and Republicans F’s. We aren’t so sure about this report card, and its… its damn liberal grade inflations! So after the jump, a Wonkette chart wades through the Granite Staters’ easy grading. MORE »

Now that we’re winning the war on drugs (in Afghanistan), they’re switching cash crops from poppies to pot. With gentile encouragement from the U.N. and other international oficials, Afghanistan has made efforts to eradicate poppy fields farmed to produce heroin. But they didn’t say anything about weed, man!

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When I was in college, the bud from the Pacific Northwest was the good stuff one had to get from a trusted dealer, and the Mexican stuff was the cheap shit the guys in Harvard Square mixed with oregano and sold you (not that I would know from personal experience). This was back when the dollar was strong, imports were cheap and my roommate was friends with a dealer called The Magic Man. Alas, those days are no more, and not just because my old roommate is married and The Magic Man is likely in prison. The other reasons why, after the jump.

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The bill seeking $1 million in funds for the Woodstock Museum — sponsored by New York Sens. Hillary Clinton and Chuck Shroomer — will not die and might be passed after all, just like a forever-burning, saliva-soaked, smelly joint. The Hill reports that some sneaky legislation removed a provision that would have cut funds for the museum. Awesome!
Door is left open for N.Y. ‘Hippie museum’ cash [The Hill]