How’d that “Merry Fitzmas” work out, anyway? Oh, not so good? Oh well! Iran totally had it coming. MORE »

America’s favorite ultra-conservative liberal sweetheart gets the full pornographic Esquire treatment this month, with enough homoerotic tough-guy imagery to make Norman Mailer glance wistfully at his shriveled member. For instance, Hagel’s “face is too meaty for poetics, its tectonics shaped by old football injuries and one horrible day in the Mekong Delta when the flesh of it bubbled and burned.” Get a room, dude. MORE »

This blurry screengrab shows what we are nearly positive is one our very own DC Metro trains. After the jump, watch the extremely NSFW video from whence it comes.

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Bathroom gossip and war pornographer Kyra Phillips was reportedly the last journalist (or TV announcer, whatever) to be flown around in an F-14 so that she’d do a fluff feature on how great it is to do a fluff feature on the military. Some Kyra highlights from the transcript: MORE »

Time for your weekly look at the life of leisure that is a gig on Capitol Hill. This week, your questions were all indicative of creepy anti-social tendencies and our Anonymous Hill Staffer’s answers were all sorta mean. You guys were meant for one another.

After the jump: competitive eating, pornography, intern ass, and the Secret Service. You know, typical fare.

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What journalist has the best gig in the country? We think it might be James Wensits of the South Bend Tribune. He gets to follow around Crazy Congressional Candidate Tony Zirkle. Zirkle, whose antics and threats of French Revolution-style public executions we’ve covered previously, is the craziest candidate of the ‘06 midterms — a group not lacking in craziness. Let’s check in with Tony and see what he’s up to this week:

Now, Zirkle says, he will shred a copy of the “original Marilyn Monroe Playboy magazine” at a Monday news conference in his South Bend law office. He has made a campaign issue of pornography and sex-related crimes.

According to Zirkle, he paid $1,200 to an Internet source to acquire the rare magazine so that he could destroy it.

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All we can say is that our Anonymous Hill Staffer needs to get laid. There is notable lack of actual sex and a surfeit of the simulated variety this week, as well as a couple lessons in increasing your word power (among other things).

AHS also let us know that he’d been drinking less than usual this week, because, apparently, a lot of work has to get done in Congress before everyone skips town on Friday. It’s Jesus’ fault, natch. “It’s his birthday or his anniversary coming up next week, so everyone’s going home to be act like they’re good Jesus-lovers.” On that note, this week’s installment of Ask A Hill Staffer is after the jump.

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Guessing Game time. The Hill presents us with a former dominatrix turned porn industry lobbyist. She’s in town fighting the good fight for smut. But who’s she lobbying? MORE »