Employees of the National Science Foundation are the luckiest people alive, because apparently they make buckets of money to look at porn all day, i.e., “promote the progress of science.” Or so says Chuck Grassley, an Iowa senator obsessed with two things: government waste and toilet seats. Apparently for a while there NSF employees spent their days happily downloading pornography to government servers, until eventually some buzzkills got wise and installed filtering software of some sort. Grassley wants to make sure these terrible pornographers’ days of looking at porn instead of promoting science are behind them before they get more bailout money. Grassley is a terrible prude. [Politico]

There are many video versions of this scene floating around tonight, as Barack Obama actually walked through this subterranean hell bunker to talk to these White House press reporters and photographers and videographers. It’s a happy scene of serfs worshiping their Lord of the Manor, and nobody really notices that twerp from Politico whining about Gitmo, which Obama is actually shutting down, duh, good work POLITICO. Anyway, we like the sex scenes. MORE »

So it looks like Obama is serious about this, and intends to become the president next week. Here’s the official Presidential Portrait of your favorite new Commander in Chief, wearing one of those phoney-baloney American Flag pins. This picture was reportedly taken by Pete Souza yesterday. Presumptuous. Click for the giant version, and then masturbate to it, for America. MORE »

While John McCain was waddling behind a housewife and knocking over the apple sauce in a grocery store, Barack Obama had a German Gym Workout with a young lady reporter from the German paper BILD. And she is not going to forget that anytime soon. Let’s enjoy her sexytime memories, together. MORE »

All your dirty dreams are coming true: Here’s sexy foreign correspondent Lara Logan interviewing sexy foreign president Barack Obama, on video. Whew, it’s hot in Afghanistan. [CBS/YouTube]

Sweet Japanese Jesus: “A Japanese civil servant was demoted for logging more than 780,000 hits on pornographic Web sites on his office computer over nine months, an official said Friday.” 780,000, divided by nine months, divided by 22 workdays in a month… carry the zero… he looked at four billion Internet pornography boobs a day, every day. [AP/Raw Story]

The biggest news story in the world is, of course, about some little ‘tween girl from Disney TeeVee who was forced to pose for naked photographs by an old lesbian photographer for Vanity Fair. This is very shameful, how Conde Nast let its magazine be used for half-nekkid pictures of an entertainer who is a girl child. The little girl only made $100 million dollars for having to be the star of Hannah Montana, which is the story of “Achey Breaky Heart” sensation Billy Ray Cyrus and his secret daughter who wants to be on teevee. The question is, which presidential candidate was more of a lech to the innocent little child, Obama or McCain? MORE »

It’s never too early to do a little Christmas shopping for your worst enemies, especially when the “shopping” is free! Send the people you hate a shitty poster of these beloved “conservative women” bloggers. Ha ha it’s funny because wingnuts are always complaining about “loose women” or whatever. Choose from Ann Coulter smoking on the balcony, Michele Malkin in the woods with a liberal computer, or Keith Richards. (PS — Don’t really do this because the “free” posters actually cost $7. Just print up a few at work. Use all the color cartridges. After all, you’ll be giving them to the people you hate most: the people you work for.) [Free "Luce Lady" Posters]

A shocking new study proves that Republican voters are having more sex than their Democratic counterparts, but Democrats are having less sex with more people, and everybody is basically watching pornography day and night, and both the right and left would happily let themselves be sodomized by the new president, in the White House, as long as that president is “attractive” to the kind of people who vote. MORE »

The Fox affiliate in Los Angeles apparently has the greatest local news show in the world, if this insane Investigative Feature is indicative of the general awesomeness. Meet America’s domestic terrorists, some dudes who bug the fuck out of people on the Interwebs. Or, more accurately, meet the victims — the victims who suffered so tragically, like when the one kid found gay porn all over his myspace page and then his only girlfriend ever broke up with him. Why did the terrorists do it? Just for the lulz.

Anonymous on Fox 11 [Fox 11]