Wonkette

Sweet Japanese Jesus: “A Japanese civil servant was demoted for logging more than 780,000 hits on pornographic Web sites on his office computer over nine months, an official said Friday.” 780,000, divided by nine months, divided by 22 workdays in a month… carry the zero… he looked at four billion Internet pornography boobs a day, every day. [AP/Raw Story]

The biggest news story in the world is, of course, about some little ‘tween girl from Disney TeeVee who was forced to pose for naked photographs by an old lesbian photographer for Vanity Fair. This is very shameful, how Conde Nast let its magazine be used for half-nekkid pictures of an entertainer who is a girl child. The little girl only made $100 million dollars for having to be the star of Hannah Montana, which is the story of “Achey Breaky Heart” sensation Billy Ray Cyrus and his secret daughter who wants to be on teevee. The question is, which presidential candidate was more of a lech to the innocent little child, Obama or McCain? MORE »

It’s never too early to do a little Christmas shopping for your worst enemies, especially when the “shopping” is free! Send the people you hate a shitty poster of these beloved “conservative women” bloggers. Ha ha it’s funny because wingnuts are always complaining about “loose women” or whatever. Choose from Ann Coulter smoking on the balcony, Michele Malkin in the woods with a liberal computer, or Keith Richards. (PS — Don’t really do this because the “free” posters actually cost $7. Just print up a few at work. Use all the color cartridges. After all, you’ll be giving them to the people you hate most: the people you work for.) [Free "Luce Lady" Posters]

A shocking new study proves that Republican voters are having more sex than their Democratic counterparts, but Democrats are having less sex with more people, and everybody is basically watching pornography day and night, and both the right and left would happily let themselves be sodomized by the new president, in the White House, as long as that president is “attractive” to the kind of people who vote. MORE »

The Fox affiliate in Los Angeles apparently has the greatest local news show in the world, if this insane Investigative Feature is indicative of the general awesomeness. Meet America’s domestic terrorists, some dudes who bug the fuck out of people on the Interwebs. Or, more accurately, meet the victims — the victims who suffered so tragically, like when the one kid found gay porn all over his myspace page and then his only girlfriend ever broke up with him. Why did the terrorists do it? Just for the lulz.

Anonymous on Fox 11 [Fox 11]

How’d that “Merry Fitzmas” work out, anyway? Oh, not so good? Oh well! Iran totally had it coming. MORE »

America’s favorite ultra-conservative liberal sweetheart gets the full pornographic Esquire treatment this month, with enough homoerotic tough-guy imagery to make Norman Mailer glance wistfully at his shriveled member. For instance, Hagel’s “face is too meaty for poetics, its tectonics shaped by old football injuries and one horrible day in the Mekong Delta when the flesh of it bubbled and burned.” Get a room, dude. MORE »

This blurry screengrab shows what we are nearly positive is one our very own DC Metro trains. After the jump, watch the extremely NSFW video from whence it comes.

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Bathroom gossip and war pornographer Kyra Phillips was reportedly the last journalist (or TV announcer, whatever) to be flown around in an F-14 so that she’d do a fluff feature on how great it is to do a fluff feature on the military. Some Kyra highlights from the transcript: MORE »