Tag Archives: pornography

  The First Amendment Will Be In its Bunk

British Nanny State In Spot Of Bother At Freak Mustachio-Ride Skinflick Demises

Didn't they send all the Puritans over here?
British porn fans are about to see some changes in the material available for their wanking pleasure — or at least in the domestically produced stuff. Last year, the Conservative government banned rape porn — not in-real-life rape, which is of course evil and already illegal, but the pretend fantasy kind, involving well-paid consenting actors, which some people are into, we have been told. Now, under the guise of making porn safer for those involved in the business, the government arbitrarily banned a whole slew of sex acts (and this is where we probably should remind you that this article will name some of them, but not include any illustrations, so depending on where you W, what follows may be NSF that place). Read more on British Nanny State In Spot Of Bother At Freak Mustachio-Ride Skinflick Demises…
  Purity Brawl

Jesus-Approved Sexytime Turns Happy Virgin Men Into Sad Confused Husbands

Day One
Now here’s a shocker: A new study finds that men who make “virginity pledges” get plenty of “social support to abstain from sex before the wedding night,” but once they get married, they no longer feel comfortable talking about all that sex they’re finally allowed to have. They’ve been taught to think of extramarital sex as “animalistic and foul,” but of the Marriage Bed as a place of sacred beauty, and so they often find themselves conflicted about sex. For some reason. Read more on Jesus-Approved Sexytime Turns Happy Virgin Men Into Sad Confused Husbands…
  environmental porn agency

EPA Employee Looking For Pollution Two To Six Hours A Day, From The Comfort Of His Porn Stash

Does your job blow? Do you ever fantasize about just kicking back and watching porn all day, but wish you could still pull down a nice six-figure salary? Yeah, us too, so click on those goddam ads swirling around, ok? (Note: do not actually click on those ads unless they are things in which you are interested, or that is “click fraud.” DO NOT go to click-fraud jail!) Our other option would be to work for the Environmental Protection Agency, per HuffPo: An employee at the Environmental Protection Agency allegedly downloaded over 7,000 files of pornography on a government computer and watched them two to six hours per day, the agency’s investigative unit revealed Wednesday. First off, holy shit that is a lot of porn-watching! But could it have been work-related porn? Is the EPA seeking to give grants to environmentally friendly porn producers? Maybe there were lessons at the end of them, like “Tell corporate polluters to stop treating the world’s oceans like a woman’s face. No ejaculating onto the world’s oceans!” We’d support our tax dollars going to that. Let’s sexsplore.  Read more on EPA Employee Looking For Pollution Two To Six Hours A Day, From The Comfort Of His Porn Stash…
  our american taliban

‘Human Rights’ Advocate Austin Ruse Wants All Left-Wing Professors Shot Dead, Is That Too Much to Ask?

It’s always good to know that someone has a long-term plan for improving America. And Austin Ruse, the head of the “Catholic Family & Human Rights Institute,” has some ideas in that area. Ruse is tired of having to put up with offenses like seeing gay ladies on the Food Network and knowing that the Girl Scouts sell abortion cookies. And now he’s come up with a nifty way to save America from all the God-denying feminists at the root of our problem: Just shoot all the left-wing college professors. He hasn’t quite worked out the details on how this can be accomplished just yet, but he was certain enough of the value of the idea that he shared it on the American Family Association’s radio show; the audio clip now seems to be “unavailable” at their website. Read more on ‘Human Rights’ Advocate Austin Ruse Wants All Left-Wing Professors Shot Dead, Is That Too Much to Ask?…
  the trouble with harare

Ex-Congresscreeper Mel Reynolds Arrested In Zimbabwe For Making All The Pornos

You might or might not remember former Illinois Congressweirdo Mel Reynolds, a seriously freaky guy who in the early ’90s managed to get elected — twice — despite being more than a little bit skeevy. His Chicago district somehow managed to send him back to Congress in 1994 even after he’d been accused of doing sex with a 16-year-old campaign intern; he only resigned his House seat after he was convicted on charges of sexual assault, obstruction of justice, and solicitation of child pornography. No, he actually does not seem nice. And then he tried to run again in 2012 to replace Jesse Jackson Jr.’s seat, but voters were not in the mood to buy his campaign slogan “Redemption.” Now, just to prove that no matter how big an asshole you’ve been, it is almost always possible to embarrass yourself just a little more, Reynolds was arrested in Zimbabwe Monday, and went to court in the capital, Harare, today on charges of possessing pornography and violating the country’s immigration laws. Not just possessing porn, which would merely be evidence that Zimbabwe is a censorious stuck-up place. Nah, he was making porn. In a couple of hotels where he also ran up $24,000 in unpaid charges. That’s the Chicago way. Read more on Ex-Congresscreeper Mel Reynolds Arrested In Zimbabwe For Making All The Pornos…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: BYU-Idaho Fights The Battle Of The Boner, And Other Dispatches From The War On Stupid

Welcome, O Wonkers and Wankers, to another edition of the Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we clean the sticky residue of stoopid stories from our browser tabs, cut it with a secret mix of chemicals from Freedumb Industries, and serve it up to you in an elixir that’s easily as tasteful and memorable as Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey. Read more on Derp Roundup: BYU-Idaho Fights The Battle Of The Boner, And Other Dispatches From The War On Stupid…
  shut that whole thing down

Rape Porn To Be Banned In Britain, Joining Pamela Geller And A Bunch Of Old George Formby Songs

Posh anti-tossing tosser UK PM David Cameron’s Conservative party is not very popular right now, but they’re still more popular than rape. So, opportunity! A new restriction on the possession of rape porn is part of a crackdown by British Prime Minister David Cameron, who announced this summer that lawmakers wanted to close a “legal loophole” in the law. Currently, possession of rape porn is legal in the U.K., even though publishing and distributing it has already been outlawed. Rape is hella bad. That goes without saying, but we will say it anyway, because “internet.” RAPE IS HELLA BAD. Rape, however, isn’t the issue here. The issue is the criminalization of fictional depictions of rape between consenting, compensated, often sexy adults. You may think porn is inherently bad or exploitative or should not have so many pop-ups, but it is a science fact that “the connection between actual real-life violence and porn is blurry at best.” Read more on Rape Porn To Be Banned In Britain, Joining Pamela Geller And A Bunch Of Old George Formby Songs…
  orgazmo

Ron Jeremy Wants A Threesome With Romney And Obama, For Civility

How low has American political discourse sunk? Well, if a prominent human choses to say something nice about a person running for president, even if that something nice is about something totally unrelated to politics, and even if that human is prominent mostly for putting his wang inside a bunch of ladies, and also occasionally his own mouth, on film, then people are surprised that you might not agree with him politically! Why would you praise some quality of the person running against the person you are going to vote for, what if they accidentally win and it’s your fault, because you weren’t mean to them constantly? Anyway, point is, Ron Jeremy should really think hard about praising Mitt Romney’s parenting skills in bland, generaly terms, because President Romney will ban all pornography forever and Ron Jeremy will be unemployed. Read more on Ron Jeremy Wants A Threesome With Romney And Obama, For Civility… Read more on Ron Jeremy Wants A Threesome With Romney And Obama, For Civility…
  press releases without comment

Rick Perry’s Porno Stocks Don’t Count Since He Sold Them Before AFA Noticed

FROM: American Family Association TO: tips@wonkette.com DATE: Tue, Aug 23, 2011 at 10:02 AM PRESS RELEASE FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Contact: Cindy Roberts 662-844-5036 x227 August 23, 2011 AFA boycott of Movie Gallery began five years after Rick Perry sold his stock Read more on Rick Perry’s Porno Stocks Don’t Count Since He Sold Them Before AFA Noticed…
  the science of smut

Chuck Grassley Verrrry Interested In This Whole ‘Pornography’ Business

You know what keeps Chuck Grassley up at night? Pornography! Specifically, the thought that someone, somewhere, within the vast National Science Foundation bureaucracy, is using a computer and Internet connection purchased with tax, dollars paid by hard-working Americans, to find and view pictures of comely young men or women — perhaps not wearing clothes, perhaps even engaging in erotic congress with one another. Worse, these nefarious scientists might engage in the sin of Onan, while peering intently at the perverse images. Can you imagine what this would mean for the Republic? Bad things, that’s what! Grassley’s made progress in his efforts to defeat this scourge; after the jump, find out what desperate lengths the few remaining NSF perverts have gone to. Read more on Chuck Grassley Verrrry Interested In This Whole ‘Pornography’ Business…
  soar like the proud eagle you are

TRAGEDY: Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Has Ended His Bid For U.S. Senate

Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. was supposed to be the FUTURE. Now our paranoid schizophrenic angel has decided to give up on us after failing to make it on the ballot. Pagels called Wonkette, the world’s number-one source for Pagels information (besides that Wisconsin court database) to deliver the bad news. “I’m just letting you know I’m getting out of the race for U.S. Senate,” he said, heartbreakingly. “God bless you.” At times like these it is easy to decide that you will never be elected to office. But that is not what HISTORY says. Read more on TRAGEDY: Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Has Ended His Bid For U.S. Senate…
  the merrill howard kalin show

WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Interview

We all learned a lot about Wisconsin Republican candidate for U.S. Senate and future President Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. last week. And since then, we’ve had the chance to speak with him, for over a half hour. It was an entertaining interview. Did you know that Pagels is well-versed in most of our favorite conservative issues? In addition to being opposed to homosexuality, abortion and pornography (the “Pagels Trifecta”), he is also a birther, for example. Yet, completely coincidentally, he tells Wonkette in this exclusive interview that he’s also a paranoid schizophrenic! Read more on WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Interview…
  an early look at wisconsin's next senator

Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Once Urinated On a Homosexual Pornographic Car Tire and Sued McDonald’s

Wisconsin’s fastest rising star, Republican U.S. Senate candidate Ernest J. Pagels, Jr., became Internet-famous this afternoon after the discovery of his brilliant political ad on YouTube. Now, with the help of Wonkette operatives, more has been found about this great American. He previously ran for Congress in 2004, for one. And also he has done a whole lot of suing people. Read more on Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Once Urinated On a Homosexual Pornographic Car Tire and Sued McDonald’s…
  has she ever even *had* sex?

K-Lo Getting Hairy Palms Because of All the Nasty Sexytime On the ‘Puter

Ever since National Review Online’s old maid Kathryn Jean Lopez heard about sex a few weeks ago, she has been frantically typing with one hand about all the dirty, dirty, dirty pornography on the Internet which is so filthy, so hawt, so nasty. (Actually, K-Lo “discovers” the p0rN every year about this time. It’s like some gross mating dance done by a weird prairie turkey.) Read more on K-Lo Getting Hairy Palms Because of All the Nasty Sexytime On the ‘Puter…
  keep that up and you'll go blind

Porn-Crazed Kathryn Jean Lopez Begs For ‘Steady Stream of E-mails Coming Into My Inbox’

Lonely National Review Online blogger Kathryn Jean Lopez regularly rhapsodizes over three untouchable Man-Gods (the Pope, Ronald Reagan and Jonah Goldberg) and sternly disapproves of almost everything else in our Earthly Realm, especially Pornography. Now, however, K-Lo is literally begging readers of her hilarious group-blog “The Corner” to send their porn confessions — all because some lady called “Anonymous” posted some tragic thing blaming naked pictures on the Internet for making her husband abandon her and her nineteen children. So sad, this modern world. Read more on Porn-Crazed Kathryn Jean Lopez Begs For ‘Steady Stream of E-mails Coming Into My Inbox’…
  yummy!

Coburn Chief Of Staff: All Porno Is Gay Porno

Here is Sen. Tom Coburn’s chief of staff, Michael Schwartz, at this weekend’s Values Voters Summit, talking about pornography. He has a number of interesting thoughts on the subject. Did you know that all porno is GAY porno? It is, seriously. Read more on Coburn Chief Of Staff: All Porno Is Gay Porno…