Wonkette

* The waiting is over, Mitt Romney is now officially “Satan.” [Wizbang Politics]
* Gay inmates in California are hoping the ACLU can get them conjugal visit rights, uh, lickity split. [SFGate]
* Getting a picture with the president is cheaper than ever, but still worthless. [Newsweek]
* Army’s elite “graffiti corps” created for the express purpose of sending Neck Face and Borf to Iraq. [Passport]
* New Republic editors are porn stars on the weekend. [TNR]
* OH NOEZ, this is Intern Nick’s last day! Tell him good-bye in the comments, and NEVEH FOGET! [NM.com]

* Ron Paul’s gonna get banned from debates just cause he’s the only one who knows the truth about 9/11. [Election Central]
* Dennis Kucinich is still a “whiny ass motherfucker who stands on a box so he doesn’t look like a little midget.” [PrezVid]
* U.S. Mint knows Americans only like spending money with dead white dudes on it. [Suitably Flip]
* Larry Flynt’s mumbling respect for Jerry Falwell. [YouTube]
* Jenna Jameson endorses Hillary. [LAist]
* John McCain autograph on heavy paper doorstop: $200. [On Call]

Thanks, as always, to porn. A press release headlined “‘Nappy Headed Ho’s’ Movie May Fund Imus Retirement” found its way to our inbox today. It’s a heartwarming offer from some California porn producers to give $1 from each DVD sold of an upcoming release to Don Imus.

Nappy Headed Ho’s stars girls with closely twisted or curled hair (the dictionary definition of “nappy”), who have sex for money (the dictionary definition of “ho”).

That’s the kind of truth in advertising we just can’t get from the rest of the so-called mainstream media.

If Imus refuses to accept the money, the good people at Kick Ass Pictures have decided to donate it to the United Negro College Fund.

Full release after the jump.

MORE »

Here’s former CIA head George Tenet’s high school yearbook photo. Notice anything odd about it? No, not that he was classmates with adult film star Ron Jeremy, it’s something far, far more disturbing. Here’s a more recent picture for comparison: MORE »

Lt. Col. William H. “Lockhart” Steele thought he had it made. He was a top commander at one the US’s fastest-growing Iraqi prisons, he was making fast friends with the prisoners, and he had a way with the ladies. Then those desk jockeys in Washington put the hammer down. MORE »

Listen people: If you want to send “political” e-mail, do it from special secret political e-mail accounts. Have you learned nothing from Karl Rove and the Bush Administration? We received one lonesome message protesting the fact that we noted Jesse Malkin’s very public slide into low-budget amateur porn, and here it is:

Subject: Humorless
From: “Pat_R[redacted]@nps.gov”
11:56 am (32 minutes ago) MORE »

* Jim Webb faces a dilemma — will his new book have as many father/son blowjob scenes as the last one, or does he want to be vice president? [Political Wire]
* Yes. Americans unequivocally have a right to as much porn as they can possibly consume. [Blogs for Bush]
* Voters are already sick of all the actual presidential candidates. [Hit & Run]
* Diplomats in Tehran think the U.S. is just crazy enough to do it. [Jerusalem Post]
* Jon Stewart vs. John Bolton ends in a hit, a palpable hit. [C&L]
* Ohio Governor Ted Strickland loves the sexing. [ Pandagon]
* Norah O’Donnell: so perty yet so braindead. [Think Progress]
* Riding in cars with presidents. [Rude Pundit]

* Mr. MacNeil-Lehrer Robert MacNeil speaks at the 20th Annual Nancy Hanks Lecture on Arts and Public Policy at the Kennedy Center. Free at 6:30PM, tickets required. [Kennedy Center]
* Five well known vaguely DC-ish artists were asked to choose five not-yet-famous DC -ish artists “to watch.” It’s very Yin-Yang, five established artists swirling in a cultural vortex with five beginners. At the Ann Loeb Bronfman Gallery (in the JCC) free until 10PM. The show promises not to have a DC theme. [WDCJCC]
* Argentina’s The Magic Gloves at AFI. Features porn and anti-depressants. Like every other Monday night. $9.25 at 7PM. [AFI]

* If any Walnuts is gonna run for President, Arizona wants it to be Private Citizen Walnuts. [The Real McCain]
* Nancy Pelosi accused of copyright infringement for posting C-SPAN videos of herself talking, on her blog. Meta. [Instapundit]
* Terrorist Congressman calls police on fellow member trying to hot-box his office. [Think Progress]
* Tehran’s fashionistas wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a Persian or Jewish nose. [Political Pit Bull]
* Wall Streeters pressed into raising money for Giuliani consider a bikini car wash. [Political Insider]
* Air Force Officer with a porno-sounding name discharged for appearing in porno. [Outside the Beltway]
* Iraq veteran amputees reject déclassé prosthetics in favor of regrowing limbs with … wait for it … stem cells. [Blue Marble]

* Walnuts’ campaign website is a page-view whoring device of the five-dollar-back-alley variety. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Political trivia featuring “midget porn, neocon jizz, and raping hobo corpses.” [Only in America via Rude Pundit]
* NSA has the power to continue warrantless spying, but doesn’t have the power. [Worldwide Standard]
* Toby Keith is a flip-flopper. [Think Progress]
* Liz Taylor endorses Hillary. Liz Taylor is still alive. [Reuters]
* Former fat-ass Mike Huckabee will probably announce his ‘08 candidacy on Sunday. [Hotline on Call]
* Joe Biden declares he’s running, again. [Boston Globe]
* George Pataki’s going to personally solve Iran first, and then say whether he’s running. [CNN]
* Al Sharpton checks Barack Obama’s ghetto pass, finds it expired. [Althouse]

We’ve already brought you the totally Not Safe For Work video of a PETA gal getting totally naked (because of the State of the Union Address, obviously!) and possibly fake NSFW video of our brave troops harassing Iraqi kids trying to get laid (never forget!). But is it just a Wonkette phenomenon? No sir, it’s just our small contribution to Washington DC’s Dirty Video Day. MORE »

It’s time for substance! The days of entire articles about Barack Hussein Obama not being a big fat old slob are over. But there’s still not much to say about the junior senator, so the Chicago Sun-Times is now publishing pornographic stalker essays about his wife:

Michelle has since grown into a 5-foot-11, sleek and striking woman who enjoys a good 4:30 a.m. workout. When she raised her arm to wave to an adoring 2004 Democratic convention crowd, she revealed just a whisper of bare, taut midriff.

Jesus! Maybe the Sun-Times and Mrs. Obama’s midriff should get a room. MORE »

* You do know what happens if you just assume everyone hates Cheney more than Bush, don’t you? [Election Central]
* O’Reilly checks the mirror at 8 and 11:30 EST. [Just a Bump in the Beltway]
* Nothing gets Orrin Hatch harder than watching Alberto Gonzalez busting pornographers on the internets. [Unclaimed Territory]
* Chinese “satellite killer” missiles target only military assets — iPod and Xbox ordering infrastructure remains unscathed. [Defense Tech]
* Straight from the home office in Phoenix, Arizona: tonight’s top 15 things John McCain is doing to turn himself into a pandering cartoon. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Al Franken appeals to “Minnesota Nice” voters by actually running as Stuart Smalley. [Wizbang Politics]
* Bob Ney would start cracking beers in the morning even before the glue on his head was dry. [TPM Muckraker]

As seasoned porn fans know, Larry Flynt sends each member of Congress a complimentary copy of Hustler each month. Most offices claim they just toss it, along with all the letters from angry old ladies and all the petitions you sign about mercury in fish or whatever. But according to a former staffer named “Ryan,” one member happily (if secretly) took home each and every issue. MORE »