Tag: porn

Shoe, gourd, either way you're going to Hell!

In 1979 Sermon Against ‘Life Of Brian,’ Young Mike Huckabee Was Already One Biggus Dickus

Now that he's "running for president" again, very serious contender Mike Huckabee has to endure all sorts of embarrassments, like people quoting all the dumb things Mike Huckabee has ever said. It just comes with the territory -- the...
Apparently before he found the kiddie porn on his iPad, Mayor Lee was very excited about the Independence Day Jubilee.

North Las Vegas Mayor Is Not Familiar With His Kiddie Porn, No Siree

It's that age-old story. You open your iPad and the internet goblins have put a bunch of kiddie porn on it, so you freak out and call the cops, who are your friends, because you are the mayor of...
Shield your eyes!

Did Jeb Bush Personally Film Hardcore Porn Flicks As Florida Governor?

Made you look. But here is an interesting thing that is coming back up, now that Jeb Bush is one of the Republicans likely to lose to Hillary Clinton in 2016. Did you know that, while Bush was governor...
Do it on your own time

Fired Baltimore City Employee Just Liked To Watch Porn All Day At Work, Is That Wrong?

Who among us doesn't occasionally spend a bit of our "work" day on non-work things? Baltimore City officials estimate the 39 hours an employee spent watching pornography on the job during a two-week period equated to about $1,166 in salary....
Santorum now available with SPF 45 protection!

Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!

Hurray, Rick Santorum is dipping his toes into the frothy fecal waters of the 2016 Republican clown car! Rand Paul and Ted Cruz are already in there, just splash, splash, splashing around, but Rick Santorum is not 100 percent sure he's...

Revenge Porn Extortionist Sentenced To 18 Naughty, Barely Legal Years in Jail

The operator of a nasty revenge porn scheme has been sentenced to 18 years just because he tried to extort money out of innocent people. But c'mon, man, how was he even supposed to know that was a crime? For a...
What a thrilled zookeeper that must be, peeping in the background!

Inspiring! These Pandas F*cked Each Other For Almost Eight Whole Minutes!

Move over, all you other panda dudes who think you're hot shit or something. This Chinese panda bear studmuffin has set a whole new sex record that will leave you feeling downright flaccid and Not Good Enough. His name is Lu...
Obama's magazine cover JUST KIDDING LOL

Wingnut OUTRAGED Obama Gave Interview To Noted Gay Porn Site ‘Huffington Post’

  Big news: President Obama finally did an interview for a gay porn website! Which one, you might be wondering? Fratmen? No, silly, Barack Obama isn't a fratman, he is the president! Broke Straight Boys? Wrong again, Obama has enough...

Michigan Hairdresser Burns Down Porn Shop For Jesus

We were just saying that we wanted to find a Funny to write about for Friday afternoon, and HERE is a funny for you. Actually, it is not all funny, because the owners of the Hollywood Nights porn shop...
That's the congressman on the left

GOP Congressjerk To Government Workers: Stop Fapping On The Taxpayers’ Dime!

Republican Rep. Mark Meadows of North Carolina is a guy with NO sense of fun at all. He's got a real hard-on for this bill he keeps introducing -- the Eliminating Pornography From Agencies Act -- which, strangely, Congress...
We were in a hurry, but you can still photoshop the sex toy of your choice in there.

New York Pol: Hackers Made Me Follow That Porn Star On Twitter! HACKERS!!!

Here's a Dicktember item for your Likely Explanations bin: A county official in New York knows exactly why he's "following" a porn star on his Twitter account: He was hacked! Suffolk County Executive Steve Bellone, a Democrat, explained to the...
Didn't they send all the Puritans over here?

British Nanny State In Spot Of Bother At Freak Mustachio-Ride Skinflick Demises

British porn fans are about to see some changes in the material available for their wanking pleasure -- or at least in the domestically produced stuff. Last year, the Conservative government banned rape porn -- not in-real-life rape, which is...
True fact: The Anchorage Press's filename for this photo is 'assface_lawendowski.jpg'

Alaska National Guard A Hotbed Of Rapey Recruiters Led By End-Times Porn Baron

Wonkette would like to give a hearty welcome to Lt. Col. Joseph R. Lawendowski, our daily (hourly?) "He seems nice" contestant. Lt. Col. Lawendowski is a rough tough military man and the Deputy Chief of Staff for Operations and Training...

EPA Employee Looking For Pollution Two To Six Hours A Day, From The Comfort Of His Porn Stash

Does your job blow? Do you ever fantasize about just kicking back and watching porn all day, but wish you could still pull down a nice six-figure salary? Yeah, us too, so click on those goddam ads swirling around,...

Pornhub About To Provide An Even Greater Public Service Than It Already Is

Used to be a man (or a lady!) could watch some tentacle porn in peace, not having to worry about how it might affect the planet at large. But now, thanks to the hippies at Pornhub, we're all expected...

Porn Performers: Chase Bank Does Not Want Your Jizzed-On Money, Nosiree

You will probably not be surprised to learn that here at yr Wonkette we think that porn is a totally respectable way to earn a living, presuming, of course, that consent and equal power and equity and yadda yadda...