Ha ha ha we randomly clicked on this LA Times headline thinking, “Alex Kozinski, isn’t she that rich NYT gal with the plastic surgery and the surrogates?” But no, duh, the name should ring a bell because Alex Kozinski is the infamous cow porn judge who shocked America last June with revelations that he kept pubic-hair shaving instructionals and other naughty photos, such as naked ladies painted like cows, on some (whoops!) publicly accessible Web page. MORE »

We understand that for most of you it’s Late Lunch Hour Porn Cruising Time, but beware, the Iranians have set up a digital attack trap: “don’t know what’s up, but i went to persian bay (nee pirate bay), then to wonkette (at about 1:30 pm your time) and for a few long seconds it seemed that my computer (a mac running os x) had been seized from afar. i went to make a comment on one of your postings and my keyboard started typing an endless series of ‘i’s, then my selection bar in safari history started jumping all up and down on its own accord. i bailed out of safari and restarted and everything seems okay now, but spooky, my dear wonkette, spooky.” Is anyone else being oppressed in this way?

• CIVIL RIGHTS BATTLES OF OUR TIME: You can use the free wi-fi on Utah Transit Authority trains and buses, but you better not look at some boobies, because a transit cop will write you a ticket and, most likely, chastise you in a sort of embarrassing way. But passengers can appeal the porn citations. [Salt Lake Tribune]

Here is a SHOCKER regarding the holy trinity of American hobbies (religion, wingnut politics and pornography). It turns out that conservative Jesus Goblins are using up all of America’s precious porn reserves. A new study proves the “red states” consume so much (gay and interracial) naked sex media, it’s crazy! But is there another, hidden angle to this “Wingnuts Love the PR0N” journalistic revelation? Yes! MORE »

HERE IS THE PORNO-GAL SENATE CAMPAIGN STORY WE POSTED A WEEK AGO: What, did CNN run this today or something? Anyway, porno gal Stormy Daniels vs. David Diaperman Vitter, maybe. Exciting! [It Is Here]

Barry Obama’s pick for Deputy Attorney General, David Ogden, apparently “coasted” through his Senate hearing today, which is great news…for John McCain! FOR PORNOGRAPHERS. You see, Ogden’s appointment has come under much wingnut scrutiny in the last several days because Ogden (bless his soul) has served as a successful lawyer for Big Porn, including Playboy and, uh, The Internet Porn Company. He even secured the right of blind people to masturbate to braille-porn (”The Second Amendment”). MORE »

Finally, a stimulus bill we can believe in: Cable-teevee company Comcast will pay TEN DOLLARS to each Tucson subscriber who maybe saw a few seconds of sexytime hardcore XXX pr0nography just when something important was happening in the Super Bowl game. If you saw some terrible naked man-lady fuckin’ when you expected to see good old-fashioned obese helmeted men slapping each others’ asses before actually killing each other, for America, Comcast says “sorry” and $10 will soon be in the mail, maybe. [Multichannel]

Are you ready for the 2010 midterm election? No? Well too bad, because the campaign began on Nov. 5 of last year, and by the end of this summer you’ll probably hear about nothing else, so let’s start the Wonkette coverage with a nice story about this porn-star/stripper lady in Louisiana, and how she will maybe run against national embarrassment David Vitter, the hooker-lovin’ diaperman of the Senate. MORE »

Here’s a political ad from a lobbying group which was REFUSED by the evil SUPER BOWL TV, so it’s of Great Interest to your Wonkette, which is all about politics, and hot models fucking broccoli, for freedom. [PETA]

• The pornography, or “porn”, industry would also like $5 billion for a bailout of its own please. The entirety of government looks forward to the lobbying for this thing. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Boozy teevee starlet Terry McAuliffe has already begun to Robocall the people of Virginia in hopes that they will reward this behavior by electing him governor in two years. [HuffPost]
• It was only after Bush told the Obamas that the White House guest house was booked that George and Laura asked the Prime Minister of Australia, Hugh Jackman, to stay there for literally no reason other than to make sure that if Obama drove by he would see there was a car in the driveway. [Crooks and Liars]
• Joe Biden is off to Southwest Asia now, to finally see the Benjamin Button film. [Marc Ambinder]
• Here your Hope Porn du jour: it’s Barack Obama cuddling with an adorable three-legged puppy that will soon be appointed the new Senator from Illinois because you earned it, America. [The Weekly Standard]
  

The FCC has announced a bold new socialist plan to provide wireless Internet all over America, for free! But it won’t have any pr0n, so Americans won’t actually use this free gift. Also, it will be hella slow, as it will be operated by wireless companies forced to do so, by the government, and in competition with the for-profit porn Internet wireless service, which will be super fast. [Silicon Valley Insider/Wall Street Journal]