You know who sucks? Poor jobless hungry people in America, that’s who! The famous wingnut blog “The Drudge Report” got some GOP people very, very excited because Drudge posted something suggesting the government spent $1.2 million to purchase “two pounds of ham.” TALK ABOUT PORK SPENDING, HEY-O! But, according to sad pooh-bear agriculture secretary Tom Vilsack, “the contract in question purchased 760,000 pounds of ham for $1.19 million, at a cost of approximately $1.50 per pound.” MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Remember the good old days of American wit when our nation’s cleverest sat around an elitist table at a fancy New York City hotel and made cutting remarks so subtle and erudite that nobody within earshot could tell what the hell they were talking about? And also, they were drunk? Well, those days are over (except for the drunk part). David Denby has informed us that, thanks to the awful blogs, we now just essentially hurl the verbal equivalent of feces at each other all the time, except when we are hurling actual, literal feces. Just so, our political cartoons have similarly devolved, from intellectual, high-art pieces that reward long-term study and contemplation to the current things that you are about to read, which are for the mouth-breathing morons who only like creepy pictures. Unfortunately, those morons only watch TV, which is why the newspapers that run these cartoons will soon be bankrupt. MORE »

We’ll admit, we have some sympathy for the former Republican leadership and George W. Bush with regards to the “John McCain situation.” It was kind of fun for us communists to see John McCain (occasionally, arbitrarily) challenge the Bush administration on a handful of issues over the years, but now that he’s doing the same thing to Obama, and after his election behavior… the guy’s just annoying, right? All he likes to do is annoy everyone. Hovering. It’s creepy. And CURSE the person who ever introduced him to Twitter, jesus… so what unnecessary stand is he taking now for the sole purpose of annoying everyone? Sam Stein with the scoop: “Sen. John McCain is putting together a major economic plan that will be structured, in some ways, off of Newt Gingrich’s famous Contract With America.” Eh, needs more Reagan. MORE »

Ugh, really? Just when we’d thought this city couldn’t embarrass itself any further, someone had to go and invent Twitter. The temptation to troll the Twitters of every journalist, politician and operative in Washington for comedy is very, very strong, because literally everything they post is tragic and hilarious. Let’s try to contain ourselves with this dumb list from WALNUTS! MORE »

If you’ve ever wished to see the Capitol without writhing hordes of school-aged children blocking your view, then late Friday afternoon seems to be a good time. The lines are minimal, and you can actually get a good look at the fancy new visitor center that cost America $621 million. MORE »

Just recently South Carolina governor Mark Sanford was saying he wasn’t so sure his state would take any of the federal government’s stimulus bill money, because that bill was so awful, all full of pork and porky things. He was taking a principled stand! And then a bunch of snarky liberals like Paul Begala said “Fine, leave billions of dollars of free government aid on the table then,” so of course Sanford had to reassess. MORE »

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According to new House rules, approved earmark requests on spending bills are now ours for the public oversighting. Exciting news if you love reading lengthy, poorly-scanned .pdfs! There are a couple gems, though. Like the above, from the Interior and the Environment bill. Representative Emerson will be receiving a cool half a million dollars for “meth prevention” at the Mark Twain National Forest. ‘Cause there are few things in this life sadder than a tweaking deer. MORE »

* In Lou Dobbs’ “non-partisan independent reality” everyone has orange skin, sprayed on-hair, and the government is on the verge of invading Tijuana. [1115]
* Street price of Ambien goes up as another Kennedy considers Congress. [NYP]
* Paul W’s holy socks likely to be filled by a Bobert. [Passport]
* Condi’s not looking to leave Iraq, ever. Charlie Rose isn’t looking to stop using that stupid curious face, ever. [Think Progress]
* HuffPo commenters bring 14 pages of the funny on Ft. Dix “terror plot.” [HuffPo]
* Monica Goodling gave Ashcroft the “titties are evil” idea. [TPM Muckraker]
* Pelosi’s pork turns out to be the other white meat. [Media Matters]

* Obama and Kos “structures” in Second Life now ready and waiting to be covered in shittingdicknipples. [techPresident]
* Conservatives love someone Jesus changed from gay more than people he made not gay in the first place. [The Liberal Avenger]
* “Big Book O’ Pork” is out and full of alien-finding telescopes and train tracks to the north pole. [The Mudville Gazette]
* Arlen Specter wants Alberto Gonzalez’s head — chopped up, with toothpicks in it, and served on a DoJ cocktail napkin. [My DD]
* Lieberman took twenty grand from the Swift Boat guy. What a fucking douche. [Hartford Courant]

* If a Presidential campaign raises more money when the candidate doesn’t show up, should it exist? [Election Central]
* Dick Cheney shops for his extradition-free retirement pad. [HuffPo]
* Top Pentagon brass craft backup plan for an Iran invasion — codename: golf course. [American Leftist]
* Bill O’Reilly enjoys being called “a barbarian” publicly, “Barbara” privately. [C&L]
* West Virginia congressmen love to dig on swine. [Hill Blog]
* The Kucinich campaign is nothing but a song and dance show. [PrezVid]
* Campaign mangers to tire of yelling, “Get the intern to fix the fucking wiki,” before 2008 even begins. [Tech President]