Tag Archives: pork

  no heart huckabee

Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer

Huckabee preparing to hold a shotgun to the head of a black American.
Dear practitioners of homogay buttsechs, Mike Huckabee — former Arkansas governor, Baptist minister, once and future failed presidential candidate, once and future Fox News host, Ted Nugent’s buddy (which does not at all make him a big ol’ hypocrite, no you shut up), America’s Great Moral Scold — would like you to know that he would just love to be your friend, because he doesn’t discriminate against friends based on their Lifestyle Choice, even if those Lifestyle Choices will condemn them to an eternity of roasting in perdition’s flames. Gosh, some of his friends use naughty words and drink the devil’s liquid, and Mike Huckabee is still their friend, because he is a Nice Guy. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer…
  Some animals are more equal than others

Rub, Roll, Tie Up Big Meat And Heat Until Bulging, Dripping With Fat

Cook big pieces of meat in your oven during the winter to fill the air in your home with warmth and animal fat vapor. Porchetta (pronounced “porketta,” and sometimes spelled that way, too) is a pork roast made up of the belly tied around the loin with a few goodies spread around in there. Read more on Rub, Roll, Tie Up Big Meat And Heat Until Bulging, Dripping With Fat…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Lieberals And Your Stupid Fake ‘Global Warming’

Hey, Sunbutt, it's the Solstice. Go do your job.
Oh, golly gee, this will be a fun edition of Dear Shitferbrains, because not only do we have a genuine climate denier in our the ol’ comments queue, we also have a concern troll who accuses us of being fascists, a possible Poe’s Law enthusiast (or straightforward lunatic), and a Ben Carson fan. AND MORE! Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Lieberals And Your Stupid Fake ‘Global Warming’…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Has Had It With Cheesy, Bacony Super Bowl Munchie Shortages

With this year’s Super Bowl being played by teams from states that have legalized weed, there are rumored shortages of Velveeta and bacon, maybe. The nation’s strategic reserves of munchies could be endangered! Or is the “Velveeta Shortage” simply an ersatz media invention, a smoothly processed story with little nutritional value? The Daily Show looks at the disturbing puff piece behind this lighthearted reality. Read more on Jon Stewart Has Had It With Cheesy, Bacony Super Bowl Munchie Shortages…
  illegitimate

Who Is Barack Obama Raping Today, Charles Krauthammer?

Charles Krauthammer, who is Barack Obama raping today? HA TRICK QUESTION! Barack Obama is raping everybody today, because he is raping our treasury, because Hurricane Sandy. (Also, while we are aware it should be “whom is Obama raping,” because the rapee is the object of Barack Obama’s raping, well, in this one instance we just kind of don’t care. GRAMMAR BLOGGING!) Here is the first part, where Chuckles weeps salty tears for the unfairness we did to George W. Bush, before explaining how Barape Oraper raped us all, with his mighty black cock of fiscal irresponsibility. “Sometimes the hypocrisy of the Democrats would leave Diogenes stunned,” Krauthammer said. “The Democrats spent two years savaging President [George W.] Bush over his treatment of Katrina. All of a sudden it’s a paragon of how to deal with disasters.” LET’S UNPACK THIS A BIT RIGHT? Read more on Who Is Barack Obama Raping Today, Charles Krauthammer?…
 

Michelle Malkin Knows Just Who Is To Blame For Withholding Sandy Relief (It Is Obama Duh)

We should stop being surprised when the party of personal responsibility blames EVERYONE ELSE for its own failures, time and time again. But somehow, we are still surprised! Every single time! We should also stop being surprised when Fox News decides that it can present a completely opposite vision of reality with a totally straight face, and yet, it is still surprising! EVERY SINGLE TIME, maybe someone can help us figure out why that is. Anyway, today Fox News is going to explain at us about Sandy relief, and why it is Obama’s fault that it has been delayed. Read more on Michelle Malkin Knows Just Who Is To Blame For Withholding Sandy Relief (It Is Obama Duh)…
  furry celebrities

And Here Is a Photo of Michele Bachmann Disguised As a Pig

This is your Monday Fun Post picture of famous nut Michele Bachmann dressed in some kind of furry costume whilst campaigning for reelection in Hugo, Minnesota this weekend. That’s nice. Is this because Michele Bachmann loves pork barrel spending on the pork industry, in her home state? So meta! Or maybe she is simply having a bad hair day? Ugh, your Wonkette is being sexist. Or you tell us what is happening. Caption contest! Read more on And Here Is a Photo of Michele Bachmann Disguised As a Pig…
  pork news

Rick Santorum Is a Giant Pork Spender, As It Turns Out

Ah, Rick Santorum. Rick, Rick, Rick. After winning the support of 100 evangelical leaders this weekend, the conservative candidate solidified himself as a seriousish contender in the Republican race, which is exciting only because it means the New York Times will now spend the next couple of weeks writing probing examinations of this true Washington insider. Oh look, here’s one. Thanks to new, more transparent rules on earmarks, we now have access to the earmarks Santorum made in 2006, the last year he was in the Senate — and the first year the transparency rules took effect. You take what you can get. Oh, but in the case of some of Santorum’s campaign donors, what you get is several million dollars! Read more on Rick Santorum Is a Giant Pork Spender, As It Turns Out…
  expensive list-making

Lil’ Chucky Schumer Proposes Adorable ‘No-Ride List’ For the Choo-Choos

Sen. Charles Schumer said he would push as well for added funding for rail security and commuter and passenger train track inspections and more monitoring of stations nationwide. When most people see news about a potential terrorist attack, they get a little scared and take a bit of solace knowing their government is aware of it. When Chuck Schumer sees it, he sees a chance to stuff his state with more transportation funding. Read more on Lil’ Chucky Schumer Proposes Adorable ‘No-Ride List’ For the Choo-Choos…
  New Restaurants

And So Continues the Ironic Consumption of Pig

With all the economic unpleasantness and the wars and the fact that our quinoa habit is slowly starving South Americans, here’s something to take comfort in: a new spot for the disposing of income, Standard. It’s a food truck without wheels where you’re charged sales tax on your bill — this is also known as a restaurant. And yet it has everything this city loves: a New York equivalent, beer served by the liter, pork, and a large outdoor patio. Why else would Washingtonians be so eager to eat and drink at a restaurant that resembles a prison yard? Read more on And So Continues the Ironic Consumption of Pig…
  the rainbow bridge

Dearly Departed Spending Omnibus Was Not Fit For This World

Just days after it came into our lives, Harry Reid has given up trying to pass the $1.2-trillion spending omnibus, the greatest proposed legislation in the history of our great country. Reid said he would work with Mitch McConnell on a stopgap measure to fund the government for a bit, but how do you tell that to the poor children whose only Christmas wish was to see this dear spending bill be passed? For a single moment, kids dreamed that one day they too could put together a spending package filled with Republican earmarks like this one and see the GOP actually vote for it. But it was not to be. In the end, the spending omnibus, like so many inspiring omnibuses on which we place our hopes, was too good for this world. Read more on Dearly Departed Spending Omnibus Was Not Fit For This World…
  money things

$1.1 Trillion Spending Bill Greased Up and Ready To Fund Dumb Government

Crisis has been averted: The government will probably not shut down at the end of the week, because Democrats put together a giant spending omnibus thing that will fund it for the next fiscal year. And what’s in the omnibus? Nobody really knows, but it’s all greased up and seems to have been cooked well, if you just look at its skin. “That’s an omnibus,” a senator probably said, looking at the giant stack of 1,924 pages. “Very omnibus. Let’s just go ahead and pass it. It’s making me hungry looking at it. Omnibus!” $1.1 trillion seems like a nice, round, debt-padding number, so it likely will be passed. Even though John Thune says it looks pretty evil to him. Read more on $1.1 Trillion Spending Bill Greased Up and Ready To Fund Dumb Government…
  potty humor

Bachmann: ‘Porking Has Gotten Way Out of Control’

From a recent Michele Bachmann statement that was supposedly concerning earmarks: Recently, porking has gotten way out of control. That is one way of putting it. [Minnesota Independent via operatives “SayItWithWookies,” “Julie K.”] Read more on Bachmann: ‘Porking Has Gotten Way Out of Control’…
  sooey muslim muslim muslim

Puppy Dogs Blew Up the WTC, Apparently

1998-throwback site Bare-Naked Islam treats the Muslim issue with smart commentary and reasoned discourse. Haha, just kidding, it’s just the worst batshit-crazy paranoid trash-dump of truly bizarre xenophobic bullshit you’re likely to see. Just remember, Islamaphobia isn’t real, it’s just a media fantasy perpetuated by your Wonkette: Read more on Puppy Dogs Blew Up the WTC, Apparently…
  but where is the metaphorical jet ski?

Vermont Senate Candidate Approves of Drowning Children, To Make a Point

Len Britton is a Republican from Vermont running for U.S. Senate this election season — and if there’s one thing he loves, it’s sitting idly by on picnic tables while a random adult male throws diseased salmonella pork water on children who then drown in a lake. Britton approves of this evil stunt in the name of “advertising,” he says at the end of the ad. Except this metaphor makes no sense, as the kids are wearing life jackets. So, the people of the United States will be just fine, no matter how much deficit spending their failing government accumulates? Read more on Vermont Senate Candidate Approves of Drowning Children, To Make a Point…
  pork everywhere all the time

Suddenly Senate Republicans Heart Earmarks

Ha ha, remember when the 2009 budget bill passed and every single Republican on the face of the planet was OUTRAGED because of earmarks? (Well, mostly just John McCain.) Now the tables have turned and they love the shit out of earmarks, all of them, which is why they refused to support legislation banning these dumb things! Read more on Suddenly Senate Republicans Heart Earmarks…