Readers, what do you have against this exotic creature known as the “booble head”? Why do you take his and the Lord’s name in vain? One concerned Wonkette visitor wants to know why you are such crazed haters that you would patronize a Web site that is basically Lucifer’s inferno, only with swear words. MORE »

GOP gazillioniare Mitt Romney showed up at the funeral of the Mormon President, Gordon B. Hinckley, in Salt Lake City on Saturday, but his last-minute campaigning didn’t help. Today, the Church of Latter Day Saints announced a new president/prophet guy, and this president’s name isn’t Mitt Romney, either. Thomas S. Monson is the new LDS leader. Just as we’re totally confused by the whole “white smoke/white heat” pope election thing, we have no idea how this Mormon President process works, because we do not understand magic. [Salt Lake Tribune]

Pope Benedict XVI has decided to stick his little Nazi head directly up Al Gore’s peaceful ass by calling global warming fears nothing but “scare-mongering.” He will make these completely unnecessary and regressive remarks, coincidentally, for World Peace Day on Jan. 1. That’s the same day when we’ll be wishing the Pope a jolly fuck-you. Actually, we have that day off, so whatevs. LOLpope. [Daily Mail]

The Blowvember winds blow as briskly as ever, but their patterns are shifting towards the… vagina… direction. On Monday, a 79-year-old Catholic nun, Norma Giannini, plead no contest to accusation that she did little boys or something while teaching in Milwaukee in the ’60s. Things like this are why Wonkette approves of the culture wars. MORE »

“Pope Benedict XVI will make his first visit to the United States as pontiff next year, and plans to visit the White House, ground zero and speak at the United Nations, the Vatican’s ambassador said Monday.” Still no word from ground zero officials about whether they’ll allow a state sponsor of terror to visit. [CNN]

Beloved anti-Nazi pope John Paul II is back, according to Vatican TV. And this time, he is a terrible fire monster! We know about this because we accidentally had CNN Headline News on the other day, with the sound off, for some reason we can no longer remember, and suddenly there’s a terrible picture of the dead pope next to another picture of the Fire Pope. (It was on that douchesack Glenn Beck’s show that nobody has ever intentionally watched.) MORE »

Recently it was revealed that Condoleezza Rice, GQ’s “MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN DC,” can’t actually get the New York Times to return her phone calls or print her lame op-eds. According to the BBC, they’re not the only ones to snub her — the Pope refused to meet with Condi last month. The Pope! The guy just met with those stupid British parents who killed their little girl at the Tapas bar or whatever, and he won’t meet with Condi? MORE »

* Deputy National Security Advisor Elliot Abrams’ eyebrow grooming lets you know where he stands in the War on Christmas. [Firedoglake]
* No fashion trend is completely over until it’s both available at Suburban Outfitters and held in contempt by right-wing blogs. [Atlas Shrugs]
* George F. Will thinks You are a narcissistic blowhard. [Think Progress]
* Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is no longer championing the dispossessed, “Being a global everyman is for suckers.” [Bizzy Blog]
* With Evan Bayh out of the race, John Edwards targets voters determined to vote pretty. [Potomac Flacks]
* Pope Benedict is a gay. [Boozhy]
* Charlie Crist adds the shitstorm that Florida faces after Castro’s death to the list of things he’s in denial about. [St. Petersburg Times]

The world’s scariest two people — Henry Kissinger and Pope Joseph Ratzinger — have reportedly formed an alliance that Iranian officials soberly described as a “papal-Jewish conspiracy.” MORE »

Minnesota is filthy with Lutherans of all varieties — there are apparently numerous little denominations known as “synods,” which means “crazy Swedes.” And 6th District GOP candidate Michele Bachmann belongs to one of these Lutheran sects that holds the common and unoffensive belief that “the Pope is the very Antichrist.”

Predictably, the liberals have their sex-disease-stained panties bunched up over Bachmann’s faith. These atheists don’t even understand what the Antichrist is supposed to be, because they’re terrorists who are always getting high on dope and having gay abortions with communists.

We will edumacate you people and prove why Michele Bachmann will be the best congresswoman ever, after the jump.

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Much of the world is outraged over Pope Ratzi’s unkind remarks about all those evil Muslims and the resulting outrage from the Muslim World’s response, especially this cartoon, which shows Current Pope shooting doves while Ghost Pope sadly looks on, unable to do anything because he’s just a friendly ghost now:We would like to remind the world that in American politics, we don’t get all “up in arms” over these little things.

The path to salvation is after the jump.

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