Tag Archives: pope benedict xvi

  No need to hurry

Vatican To Flog Bishops For Protecting Pedophiles … Eventually

They had a meeting and everything!
Sure, maybe the Catholic Church used to have a teeny tiny little problem — that covered the globe and cost a few billion dollars — of covering up the epidemic of clergy raping kids all the time. But that’s all behind us now. The church is officially against that; it has made statements and printed “Don’t Rape Kids, M’kay?” pamphlets and everything. Read more on Vatican To Flog Bishops For Protecting Pedophiles … Eventually…
  can't hardly wait

New Pope Stuffing Catholic Church Full Of Marxist Liberation-y Goodness

Welcome to Wonkette, where we are at the very tippy-top vanguard of tracking New Pope’s inevitable march to Vatican III, which is going to be SO UNIRONICALLY AWESOME, you guys, for real! Pope Francis I is just going to stone cold reinvent the Catholic church as a poor-loving gay-loving global juggernaut, and we will all be able to bathe in the sweet sweet tears of conservative Catholics. Yesterday, Francis threw down and invited one of the liberation theology bigwigs to the Vatican for tea and sceptre comparing or whatever and if this doesn’t strike you as a BFD, we will now explain at you why it is. Yay! Read more on New Pope Stuffing Catholic Church Full Of Marxist Liberation-y Goodness…
  history's greatest monster

Jennifer Rubin Valiantly Crusades Against Obama For The Pope’s Honor

Washington Post Opinion Columnist and intifada-themed torture porn aficionado Jennifer Rubin is not a big fan of the President. According to Rubin, our Muslin half-ling is simply an effete market-hating monster who splits his time between plotting to kill the Jews and live- streaming the murder of Chris Stevens with his bro’s in the war room, for the lolz. But while the vast majority of Rubin’s fantasies about the President lean more on the side of “psychologically obsessive antipathy” than they do actual analysis, opinion editor Fred Hiatt nevertheless sees her as some sort of Conservative luminary despite her legendary record of outright hackery. Read more on Jennifer Rubin Valiantly Crusades Against Obama For The Pope’s Honor…
  romebilly grifters

Pope Pulls A Palin

Almost exactly 600 years after the last pope to resign resigned, Pope Benedict XVI is hanging up his Prada shoes and dancing off into … well, we don’t even know! Where do ex-popes go? Probably Boca. News organizations are predictably going nuts trying to figure out what the HELL? (You should see your Editrix’s “What the HELL?” face right now!) But at least one brave outlet is pushing back on the godless heathen marxist media, and that outlet is Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Casket. Read more on Pope Pulls A Palin…
  the olds

BREAKING: Old Ex-Nazi Slightly Changes His Opinion On Condoms

Well, not exactly BREAKING or whatever, unless you’re Catholic for some reason and didn’t see this yesterday: Some old European guy in a Rome suburb told a guy who was writing a book that some people should wear condoms, if they’re gay AIDS prostitutes in Africa who can’t help themselves from giving everyone AIDS. This was apparently reported in the media because it was a slow news day, and an “old people are cute” story seemed like a good idea. And also this old man, who is a former member of the Hitler Youth, said something about Jews that Jews didn’t like very much, but what did they expect? We think we also heard that this man’s grandson is getting married to some girl named Kate Middleton and will hold a fake job similar to the one his grandfather has. Cool. Read more on BREAKING: Old Ex-Nazi Slightly Changes His Opinion On Condoms…
  and no they still can't get divorced

Britain’s Brown People Make Pope Uncomfortable

Sometimes friends let old arguments get between them and keep them apart for much longer than they should. That’s why Pope Benedict XVI has decided to be the “bigger man in a funny anachronistic outfit” and plans to head up to Jolly Old England for a make-up visit. But does the Vatican believe that this once pristine island has gone downhill ever since they started letting brown people in? Apparently! Read more on Britain’s Brown People Make Pope Uncomfortable…
  papal scandals

Wait, WTF, Pope Ratzi Smokes Cigarettes?

In this Wall Street Journal boring article about how Europeans sure love cigarettes yadda yadda, we were intrigued by this paragraph calling Nazi Pope Joe “the Plumber” Ratzinger a known smoker! Is this some hilarious WSJ New Year’s joke? Because there is no evidence we can locate, outside of some obviously photoshopped images of Ratzi in a cloud of cancer, to suggest our crappiest pope indulges in this particular variety of sucking on cylindrical objects. Read more on Wait, WTF, Pope Ratzi Smokes Cigarettes?…
 

Catholic Church Condemns American Mayor Giuliani!

Rudy Giuliani has well-known problems reconciling his Catholic faith with his favorite hobbies: destroying fetuses, living with terrible homosexuals and cavorting around town dressed as an old-fashioned gal. Yet he took High Mass when Pope Ratzi visited New York recently even though the Pope surely hates him. The Archbishop of New York is so upset with Rudy’s participation in this ancient pagan ritual that he has issued a statement condemning Giuliani, who was mayor of the city when planes crashed into two of its buildings. Read the “ha-ha funny” statement below. Read more on Catholic Church Condemns American Mayor Giuliani!…
 

Bobblehead Pope Ad Offends Humorless Catholics

The DC Metro ran this ad on a bobbleheaded Pope riding the Metro to a big crazy Papal Mass at Nationals Stadium, and the Washington Archdiocese was like, Hey that is not funny, you are talking about the leader of our religion there, and he would never advise riding the DC Metro, furthermore he is not wearing the right Pope-hat. Read more on Bobblehead Pope Ad Offends Humorless Catholics…
 

The Pope Sucks

Pope Benedict XVI has decided to stick his little Nazi head directly up Al Gore’s peaceful ass by calling global warming fears nothing but “scare-mongering.” He will make these completely unnecessary and regressive remarks, coincidentally, for World Peace Day on Jan. 1. That’s the same day when we’ll be wishing the Pope a jolly fuck-you. Actually, we have that day off, so whatevs. LOLpope. [Daily Mail] Read more on The Pope Sucks…