pope

Okay, it is official: We looooooooove this new pope so much, we want to gay-marry him and have all his abortions: Pope Francis, in the first extensive interview of his six-month-old papacy, said that the Roman Catholic church had grown “obsessed” with preaching about abortion, gay marriage and contraception, and that he has chosen not […]

Oh. My. God. Libruls are TEH WORST! Damn hippies always seeking to create policy that benefits ‘the poors,’ when we all know that John Calvin, Wordy Shipmates, Shining City on a Hill, America, fuck yeah. Who are the heretics today who seek to desecrate the foundational principles of Jesus’s Capitalist Emporium for Jesus? None other […]

New Pope is making us happy again, Wonkeroos. He’s on a trip to Brazil where he is doing awesome New Popey things like riding in an open-air vehicle to be closer to the people, and actually walking into people’s homes to give them high-fives and stuff. The guy is goddam fucking just plain awesome.* And […]

Sometimes we think New Pope is just trolling us. Like this weekend, when Pope Frankie folded a blessing of Harley Davidson enthusiasts – it’s the company’s 110th anniversary — into a Vatican mass commemorating the Church’s 1995 “Evangelium Vitae” encyclical that laid out official doctrine on abortion, euthanasia, and end of life decisions. As TalkingPointsMemo […]

The Daily Caller’s Mark Judge is something of a genius, he wants you to know. This is a man who’s pretty sure The Blacks stole his bike and who finds metaphors for the “collapse of the old liberal order” in a base-ball player’s “indolence.” And now, if you have a moment, he would like to […]

NEW POPE! HOLLA! If you are anything like yr Wonkette, you’ve just spent the last couple hours refreshing Twitter, or the NPR website, or both, without actually really knowing why you were paying so much attention to who was going to lead a religion that you are probably not a part of. We cannot explain […]

It is time for pope-choosing and magick, and Peggy Noonan has once again taken to the pixels of the Wall Street Money-Changers’ Gazette to Opine and feel the Breath of God. But ho! Some hooligans go on the picture-box and criticize the Church and throw out words like “celibacy” and “pedophile” when discussing it! And […]

Washington Post Opinion Columnist and intifada-themed torture porn aficionado Jennifer Rubin is not a big fan of the President. According to Rubin, our Muslin half-ling is simply an effete market-hating monster who splits his time between plotting to kill the Jews and live- streaming the murder of Chris Stevens with his bro’s in the war room, […]

We do a lot of joshing with the Catholic Church, mostly because we do not particularly care for how Pope Nazi personally defrocked Jean-Bertrand Aristide, or the way he treats nuns (WE LOVE NUNS), or the protection racket the Church has got going on for its cavalcades of boy-diddling priests. (When your Editrix was a […]

Religionists in Gaye Olde Britain are all in a bother because “Equalities Minister” (get a real job) Lynne Featherstone “launched a national consultation on how same-sex marriage might be introduced.” “Indeed not!” said the papal nuncio! “Over our dead bodies!” said some Islamists. “So what who cayuhs,” said most of the Jews. But the papal […]

The Pope and Fidel Castro met in Havana for what was apparently a fun contest to see which octogenarian could be more passive-aggressive. Fidel was all, yeah mang, saw you on the teevee, then played dumb about why the Mass had changed since he was a child (presumably Castro is aware of the Church’s liberalizing […]

An elderly lifelong bachelor who lives with hundreds of other old, single men in a stylish European capital city has given strict orders to the world’s women and married heterosexual couples on the allowable methods for human impregnation. Dressed in flowing silken capes and a bejeweled silken hat, the childless old man described his religion’s […]

The Taiwanese animators behind these weird videos sometimes know even less about an American Political Controversy than any random sack of highly paid pundits on the U.S. cable news. But that’s not really a hindrance when there are lots of comical human-sized condoms with feet dancing around while Barack Obama beats the shit out of […]

A creepy old priest-king clad in Prada slippers, flowing robes of silken embroidery and an enormous bejeweled golden hat warned Christians that the true meaning of Christmas was being lost to a sinful pursuit of “glitter.”

“In the 1970s, pedophilia was theorized as something fully in conformity with man and even with children,” the pope said. “It was maintained – even within the realm of Catholic theology – that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself. There is only a ‘better than’ and a ‘worse […]