pope
Daily Caller Guy Pretty Weird About Sex
The Daily Caller’s Mark Judge is something of a genius, he wants you to know. This is a man who’s pretty sure The Blacks stole his bike and who finds metaphors for the “collapse of the old liberal order” in a base-ball player’s “indolence.” And now, if you have a moment, he would like to [...]
Special Semi-Nice New Pope Time: Maybe He Is Not So Bad?
NEW POPE! HOLLA! If you are anything like yr Wonkette, you’ve just spent the last couple hours refreshing Twitter, or the NPR website, or both, without actually really knowing why you were paying so much attention to who was going to lead a religion that you are probably not a part of. We cannot explain [...]
Peggy Noonan Simply Does Not Care For All You Heathens Mockinge Her Inerrante Churche
It is time for pope-choosing and magick, and Peggy Noonan has once again taken to the pixels of the Wall Street Money-Changers’ Gazette to Opine and feel the Breath of God. But ho! Some hooligans go on the picture-box and criticize the Church and throw out words like “celibacy” and “pedophile” when discussing it! And [...]
This Freaky-Deaky Priest For Pope
We do a lot of joshing with the Catholic Church, mostly because we do not particularly care for how Pope Nazi personally defrocked Jean-Bertrand Aristide, or the way he treats nuns (WE LOVE NUNS), or the protection racket the Church has got going on for its cavalcades of boy-diddling priests. (When your Editrix was a [...]
Catholic Church Reaching Around To Jews and Muslims Over Shared Hatred Of Gays
Religionists in Gaye Olde Britain are all in a bother because “Equalities Minister” (get a real job) Lynne Featherstone “launched a national consultation on how same-sex marriage might be introduced.” “Indeed not!” said the papal nuncio! “Over our dead bodies!” said some Islamists. “So what who cayuhs,” said most of the Jews. But the papal [...]
Fidel to Pope: So, What Does a Pope Do, Anyway? (VIDEO)
The Pope and Fidel Castro met in Havana for what was apparently a fun contest to see which octogenarian could be more passive-aggressive. Fidel was all, yeah mang, saw you on the teevee, then played dumb about why the Mass had changed since he was a child (presumably Castro is aware of the Church’s liberalizing [...]
Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant
An elderly lifelong bachelor who lives with hundreds of other old, single men in a stylish European capital city has given strict orders to the world’s women and married heterosexual couples on the allowable methods for human impregnation. Dressed in flowing silken capes and a bejeweled silken hat, the childless old man described his religion’s [...]
Fancy Old Man In Bejeweled Golden Hat Warns of ‘Christmas Glitter’
A creepy old priest-king clad in Prada slippers, flowing robes of silken embroidery and an enormous bejeweled golden hat warned Christians that the true meaning of Christmas was being lost to a sinful pursuit of “glitter.”
Pope Blames Catholic Church Child-Rape On Hippies
“In the 1970s, pedophilia was theorized as something fully in conformity with man and even with children,” the pope said. “It was maintained – even within the realm of Catholic theology – that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself. There is only a ‘better than’ and a ‘worse [...]
Pope Can’t Take His Eyes Off Shirtless ‘Acrobats’
“Please be gay HIV prostitutes. Please be gay HIV prostitutes. Please be gay HIV prostitutes.”
BREAKING: Old Ex-Nazi Slightly Changes His Opinion On Condoms
Well, not exactly BREAKING or whatever, unless you’re Catholic for some reason and didn’t see this yesterday: Some old European guy in a Rome suburb told a guy who was writing a book that some people should wear condoms, if they’re gay AIDS prostitutes in Africa who can’t help themselves from giving everyone AIDS. This [...]
Former Polish President Knows Glenn Beck = Manipulative Turd
Eddy Moretti and VBS Teevee traveled to Poland to interview former Polish president and Nobel Peace Prize winner Lech Walesa. They talked about dead Popes, and also how Glenn Beck is a total jerk. Our very own Liz Glover co-produces this teevee series, so you know it’s quality stuff! Watch:
Americans Have Important Opinions Regarding Jennifer Aniston, Iran
Americans are talking about what’s happening! For example: “Men and women agreed that Jennifer Aniston is the most eligible single woman in the world, with 29 percent of the total votes. Halle Berry received 21 percent, while Elin Nordegren received 15 percent, followed by Betty White (11 percent), Lady Gaga (5 percent), and Elena Kagan [...]
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