Tag: pope

Pope Francis Hated 2017 As Much As You Did

Pope's really bummed. Guess he was a bigger Rose Marie fan than we thought.

Trump To China: ‘Obama Did It.’ Wonkagenda For Thurs., Nov. 9, 2017

Trump insults the US (again), Paul Ryan is losing tax reform, and Maria Bartiromo melts the fuck down. Your morning news brief!

American Dream Deferred. Wonkagenda for Thurs., August 3, 2017

Trump's unveils his immigration policy, McMaster fires another Flynn spy, the Senate tries to make an Obamacare band-aid.

Sean Spicer Whines About His Whining! Wonkagenda For Tues., Feb. 7, 2017

The Muslim ban goes to court (again), Melon Trump's new lawsuit, and Trump is so mad Sean Spicer was portrayed by a WOMAN. Can you imagine anything worse??? Your morning news brief!

It’s Election Day! Your Wonkagenda: Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Glenn Beck does the impossible, Jame O'Keefe's same old shenanigans, and marijuanas across America! Your Wonkagenda!
OK, we like Francis Again

Pope Francis Fixin’ To Quit-Fire Archbishop Who Crammed Kim Davis Down His Throat

It was the best day ever for gay-hatin' Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis. She bedazzled her finest lady jumper and went to Washington, where a super-nice dirty Catholic named Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò had arranged a special private tête-à-tête, as they rarely...

Jeb Bush Tells Mean Pope To Leave His Favorite Teddy Bear Trump Alone

Jeb Bush is not dangling on the edge while fondling his gun that says JEB BUSH on it, contrary to certain vicious internet rumors he started, but he is definitely suffering from Stockholm syndrome. In the epic fight between Donald Trump and...
He Declared Bankruptcy For Your Sins

Donald Trump Fires Pope For Being Bad At Jesus

Holy shots fired! Even New Pope Frank has some unchristian things to say about a certain candidate whose hat he definitely isn't wearing on his blessed head anytime soon: “A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not...

President Obama Cries Like A Drunk Ex-Speaker Over Dead Kids, What A Pussy

It's National Gun-Grabbin' Day, with President Obama finally -- finally! -- delivering the tyranny we've all been waiting for. During his speech at the White House (so typical of him, acting like he's got a right to sully the White House with...

Let’s Giggle At John Boehner’s Drunky Cry Faces Some More. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Oh hi, Wonkers! Did you miss the BIG BREAKING NEWS about how John Boehner is going away? Yes, it is hilarious, and yes, yr Wonkette understands that his replacement will be far worse, but just in case the end of...

Wingnuts Tell Commie Pope To Get A Brain, Moran

The rightwing freakout over Pope Francis and his betrayal of all good things (unfettered capitalism) continues, and it seems that his address to a joint meeting of Congress doesn't seem to have made them a lot happier, probably because...
Hmm, or maybe not

Defunding Planned Parenthood Officially Stupidest GOP Idea Since Last Stupidest Idea

Remember that time the Republican Party said it was going to re-re-rebrand itself as the Party of IdeasTM, and we all rolled our eyes and laughed and rolled our eyes some more? Yeah, well, that's going as well as...
Is he even Catholic?

New Pope Tells Congress The State Of The Union Is Insufficiently Communist

New Pope Frank is addressing Congress, even though some of our nation's Very Serious And Good Christian Republicans have insisted New Pope is A Idiot who should keep his nose out of our American bidness, except for the part...

Dalai Lama Says No Uggos Or Fat Chicks

Like we have said before, and no doubt will say again, MEN ARE THE WORST. Even the Dalai Lama -- the Dalai Lama, people! -- has a lady problem. What, is he thinking of running for U.S. president as...

Archbishop Steve King Lectures Pope On How To Catholic Good

Iowa congressmelon Steve King is a Catholic, and as a concerned member of the most strictly hierarchical religious institution on the planet, he'd like to take the opportunity to set Pope Francis straight about a few points of Catholic...

Congress Planning New, Exciting Ways To Screw You In The Bottom This Fall

Raise your hand if you are about to get fucked over by Congress. (Hint: All of you should have a hand raised.) Now use the other hand to pour yourself a stiff drink, because you’re gonna need it. In September,...