Tag Archives: poors

  If you're using vaseline to fuck the poors you're doing it wrong

In Maine, A Chafed A**Hole Gets Vaseline

At this point the governor does not know she has greasy Vaseline lube in her purse.
Maine governor Paul LePage is a real shitbag. In 2013, he said a mean about Democratic state senator Troy Jackson, specifically that Jackson does rude things to Mainers in their butts, or more precisely that he “claims to be for the people but he’s the first one to give it to the people without providing Vaseline.” Ya burnt! Also, that is the wrong way to do it, if you are using Vaseline, you are doing it wrong. So that is the context for why a former Democratic Maine rep lady named Jeanne Twomey decided that LePage was being a dick during a town hall meeting, and proceeded to fling a bottle of Vaseline at his head (and miss, because Democrats can’t throw, science fact): Read more on In Maine, A Chafed A**Hole Gets Vaseline…
  wwjd?

San Francisco Cathedral Soaks The Homeless With Water Every Night, Like Jesus Would

St. Mary’s Cathedral in San Francisco has come up with a novel way of interpreting that Bible verse where it says, “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in.” They added a new part, which apparently says ,”But once I found a comfy place to rest my head, you super-soaked me repeatedly to make sure that I, a homeless person, could not get ANY sleep, you dicks.” Yes, St. Mary’s is under fire for drenching homeless people with sprinklers at night, in hopes that they might find somewhere else to sleep: Read more on San Francisco Cathedral Soaks The Homeless With Water Every Night, Like Jesus Would…
  ain't no poors on ole rocky top

Tennessee Continues Long Tradition Of Hurting Poors, Totally Sucking

Volunteer this. Stupid poors.
Last year, Tennessee (state motto: We’re Vaguely Rectangular!) got into the hot new game of drug testing welfare recipients to make sure that none of them were spending their time having any fun. Because what good is having poor people if you can’t systematically scold and humiliate them for being poor? Now the results of the first six months of testing are in, and how are they? A rousing success, if your definition of success is busting a whopping 0.2 percent of people who applied for public assistance. Read more on Tennessee Continues Long Tradition Of Hurting Poors, Totally Sucking…
  It's Obama's fault

Paul Ryan So Mad At Obama For Inventing Poverty

lying liar who lies
We know what you are thinking, and it is that you haven’t seen enough of Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)  in the news lately. What has he been up to? Oh, nothing much, just saying lies about President Obama’s new budget proposal in his best sanctimonious voice, but it doesn’t really matter, because he is only the extremely powerful chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, which is in charge of tax legislation. Read more on Paul Ryan So Mad At Obama For Inventing Poverty…
  priority mail this sucka

Elizabeth Warren Will Help The Post Office Kick Payday Lender Ass

Do you lurrrvvvveeeee Senator Elizabeth Warren, mostly because she looks like the awesome schoolmarm/librarian of your childhood dreams? Of course you do, silly. She’s all the smart and fair fiscal and consumer policies you could ever want, rolled into a very nice lady who has balls of steel. Today, Warren brought the hammer the fuck DOWN on payday lenders, suggesting that we could just toss those scummy companies right out the door and let the US Postal Service partner with banks to handle banking services for low-income/low bank access people. First, a word on just how scummy those payday lenders are. Have you ever used one? Do you live somewhere where there are basically no banks and you have to go to a payday lender instead? You get the privilege of going somewhere that manages to find a way to skirt most state-level financial regulations and charge you whatever the hell they want to access your money or borrow money. But if you ban these check cashing/payday lending horrorshows, you literally leave the poors with no way to access their money, since jerbs insist on paying you with checks. But, if we kick it USPS stylee like Warren suggests, we can provide banking services to the poors and not screw them over at every turn. Yay! Read more on Elizabeth Warren Will Help The Post Office Kick Payday Lender Ass…
  i will work harder!

Food Stamp Cuts Reduce Wal-Mart Profits And We’re Not Even Talking About Its Employees, LOL

Here is a fun fact: when Poors have less money, they spend less money. Also, when you give people money, they spend more money. However, when you punish  poor people by withholding their money to spend on food they have less money to spend on food, so they spend less money on food. The end result is not, as Rand Paul argued, “less slavery,”  but rather less food being sold.  Read more on Food Stamp Cuts Reduce Wal-Mart Profits And We’re Not Even Talking About Its Employees, LOL…
  A Sphincter Says What?

Millionaire NYT Columnist David Brooks: Poor People Won’t Be Poor If They Just Act Like Rich People

Good news, Poors! David Brooks has decided to take on the topic of income inequality, and has concluded that 1) income inequality is not actually a problem, and 2) if it were, we shouldn’t solve it by giving poor people more money, and also 3) the growing income of the 1% has nothing to do with the shrinking incomes of the rest of us. Hear that? NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. Here, let the man with the 4 million dollar home explain to us why giving money to poor people will be of absolutely no help to them. Read more on Millionaire NYT Columnist David Brooks: Poor People Won’t Be Poor If They Just Act Like Rich People…
  The Grapes Of Math

We Prove It With Numbers: If You Are A Child Living In A GOP-Controlled State, You Are Screwed

There’s a new report from the Annie E. Casey Foundation that shows child poverty increased between 2010 and 2011 even as the economy was allegedly recovering from the recession, but who cares, kids don’t read blogs anyway, right? Ha, we joke, because that’s what we do when we are sad! Remember how corporate profits reached all-time highs in 2011? They did not give any of that money to the poor children, it turns out. Anyway, yr Wonkette went ahead and did some Excel magic with this and other readily-available data and noticed something very interesting! So what did we “find?” In short, we found that children living in states with GOP-controlled legislatures tended to be worse off overall than their levels of economic poverty would indicate, while the opposite was true for the majority of Democrat-controlled states. Go Team! This almost makes up for the Democrats having been such shameless Wall Street whores for the last 20 years. Almost! Read more on We Prove It With Numbers: If You Are A Child Living In A GOP-Controlled State, You Are Screwed…
  let them eat bootstraps

With Nothing Else to Worry About, Congress Cuts Food Stamp Budget

Hey, remember when the economy went to hell and one in ten workers were out of a job  and millions of Americans lost their homes? That was awful, but LUCKILY rich people have completely recovered from the Great Recession (and then some!), so Congress is now finally able to tackle the very pressing matter of cutting the food stamp budget against the wishes of the American people. This is Econ 101: in the event of a prolonged economic downturn, 1. fire as many government workers as possible, and then 2. make sure Poors cannot get enough to eat so they will be forced to start a bootstrap business and become makers instead of takers. We’ve already accomplished number 1, so now it’s time to get cracking on the poors: Monday night, the Senate passed a five-year farm bill that contained $4.1 billion in cuts to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) over ten years. This ensures that the only debate now will be about how much to cut—and it’s likely to result in cuts much deeper than $4.1 billion. Read more on With Nothing Else to Worry About, Congress Cuts Food Stamp Budget…
  Upperclass Twit Of The Year

British Idiot On Fox Knows What Is Wrong With America (Hint: It Is The Poors, Old Chap)

What is with all these worthless British dilettantes befouling our fair American shores? Did we not drive the lobsterbacks twice unto the angry sea with our muskets of virtue a-cracking? Niall Ferguson and Piers Morgan are six too many, but the worst of all may be Stuart Varney, who is on the Fox Business Channel all the time being a bloated bourgeois dick toward poor people. He isn’t even pretending otherwise! No, he just flat out said, “I am being mean to poor people. Frankly, I am.” Frankly, sir, a parcel of rodent genitalia, divorc’d from their corporeal hosts and seasoned just so, would look well upon and within your stupid fucking face. But why is Stuart Varney being mean to poor people, aside from he is a fucking dick? Read more on British Idiot On Fox Knows What Is Wrong With America (Hint: It Is The Poors, Old Chap)…
  wonksplainer

Why Does The GOP Love Wasting Money On African Food Aid? A Wonksplainer!

Back by popular demand, I’m here to wonksplain how our stupid Congresspeople continue to legislate with the combined IQ of a Michelle Malkin and Glenn Beck love child. Today’s topic: International Food Aid! Or, why your tax monies is going to help poor Ethernopians in the most inefficient way possible. Put on your thinking caps and grab a bottle of whiskey, cause there be learnin str8 ahead. Read more on Why Does The GOP Love Wasting Money On African Food Aid? A Wonksplainer!…
  cedar cheese and those cakes we like

Wisconsin Considers Forbidding Poors From Buying Cheese

Hey, which state hates Poors the most? If you guessed Florida, we’d understand your instincts, but you’d be wrong (today anyway) because Wisconsin is going to prohibit Poors from buying several types of cheese. Yes, cheese. Not “cheez” or “cheez füd” but “cheese,” as in Swiss, Cheddar, and low sodium. (No word yet on cedar cheese or those cakes we like.) From NBC15: Read more on Wisconsin Considers Forbidding Poors From Buying Cheese…
  banksters

Banks ‘Pleased’ To Be Paying Pittance To Poors Whose Homes They Stole

Remember that elderly disabled veteran that Wells Fargo wrongfully foreclosed on and then billed to death over a typo? Well too bad he dropped dead in court, because he otherwise would have (maybe) been entitled to a cool $300 – $1000 to compensate him for his time and inconvenience. No, really: this is what his time and inconvenience (and also, his house) is worth according to federal regulators. DON’T SPEND IT ALL IN ONE PLACE OK? Read more on Banks ‘Pleased’ To Be Paying Pittance To Poors Whose Homes They Stole…
  kill the poors

Conservatives Unable To Contain Their Glee As The Sequester Punishes Insolent Subhumans

Happy Sequester Day everyone! Do you have anything special plans to mark this joyous occasion of across the board spending cuts to federally funded programs? No? Well most moochers are pretty upset by this wholesale abandonment of spending in the public interest. Only some enlightened people can see the glorious utopia that is on the precipice of becoming a reality now that we won’t be wasting money on the ungrateful masses. While most non-masochists abandoned even the pretense of giving a single solitary fuck about the “sequester” or any other issue regarding the national budget, others have had to sit on their hands and suppress their desire to orgasm in public at the thought of drastic cuts to social welfare programs. One of those people, not surprisingly, is Fox News contributor and apprentice demon from the 7th circle of hell Charles Krauthammer, who addresses the concerns of those of us who are wary about the logic of purposefully clubbing the fragile infant seal that is our economy with his most recent Wa-Po editorial “Hail Armageddon.” Read more on Conservatives Unable To Contain Their Glee As The Sequester Punishes Insolent Subhumans…
  banksters

Banks Joining Up With Payday Lenders To Find Creative Ways To Screw Poors

Hello, are you interested in hearing something horrible about banks? Of course you are, big banks are possibly one of the worst things that have happened to the American people in the last decade or so, which is why you will not be surprised to learn that they have started partnering with small, internet-based payday lenders in order to siphon even more money from the bank accounts of Poors. To be clear, these are MAJOR banks we are talking about, including the ones that take around $83 billion in your tax dollars every year (for reals): Read more on Banks Joining Up With Payday Lenders To Find Creative Ways To Screw Poors…
  let them eat minimum wage

John Boehner To Poors: We Want To Pay You Less To Help You

Well, that was fast! John Boehner has taken a close look at President Obama’s minimum wage proposal and after less than 24 hours of careful deliberation, has decided that Poors are doing just fine, thanks, and also, we must pay Poors very little and this is the best way to help them. Read more on John Boehner To Poors: We Want To Pay You Less To Help You…
  first ring of hell

Sorry Louisiana Olds, Children, Poors And AIDS-Havers, Bobby Jindal Is Taking Your Medicaid

We have important breaking news for you Wonketeers: the first concentric ring of hell exists, and it is Louisiana. Is this a surprise, really? No, probably not: as aforementioned, it is home to the highest infant mortality rate, the fifth-highest maternal mortality rate, the fourth-worst life expectancy rate, the fifth-highest violent crime rate, the second-highest poverty rate, and the fifth-highest obesity rate in the country. And all of these things are SURE to improve, now that Governor Bobby Jindal will be eliminating benefits for HIV patients, dental benefits, first time moms who are Poor, and children of Poors. Read more on Sorry Louisiana Olds, Children, Poors And AIDS-Havers, Bobby Jindal Is Taking Your Medicaid…
  taxes are for democrats

Senator Mike Lee Will Protect Poors By Protecting The Rich

Have you heard of Senator Mike Lee? Neither have we, all of these rich white guys look alike to us because we are reverse racist/sexists. Anyway, he has made it his business to stand out among the sea of white male GOP senators by going on Mike Huckabee’s radio show and something extra stupid (well, RELATIVELY extra stupid) about Poors and Job Creators and taxes. Read more on Senator Mike Lee Will Protect Poors By Protecting The Rich…
  rubbers and rubber checks

Classy Wrasslin’ Two-Time-Loser Lady Linda McMahon Stiffs Staff, Invites It To Screw Itself

Hmmm, it looks like your Wonkette didn’t bother to write even the littlest thing about two-time-Senate-loser and Wrasslin’ Lady Linda McMahon this time around, probably because we had used up all our folding-chair jokes the first time around, and also probably because we didn’t care. But in fact, it is AFTER her (second) loss that Linda McMahon has become interesting! And how has she done that? Well, once she’d blown $100 million of her own money on her two (losing) campaigns, it seems she didn’t have enough left over to pay the uniformly low-income and African American folks who had been her (low-wage) fake-supporters, so they just waited and waited. But then they told the press “hey this rich lady isn’t bothering to pay us!” So THEN they got checks with a condom in the envelope, so’s they could fuck themselves! AND THEN THE CHECKS BOUNCED ANYWAY. Oh man. Read more on Classy Wrasslin’ Two-Time-Loser Lady Linda McMahon Stiffs Staff, Invites It To Screw Itself…
  republican jesus is all 'hells yeah bro!'

Maybe Tim Tebow Is Kind Of A Dick? Update: Maybe Not?

I’m predicting Obama will take an early lead tomorrow… Until all the Republicans get off work. #RomneyRyan2012 — Tim Tebow (@TheTimmyTebow) November 5, 2012 Hahaha, Democrats — many of whom are minorities and/or working class, but others of whom are like, your mom, and teachers and stuff — are lazy moochers who just lie on the couch collecting welfare all day. Good one, Tim Tebow! We are pretty sure Jesus is thumbs-upping you right now! Read more on Maybe Tim Tebow Is Kind Of A Dick? Update: Maybe Not?…