Poor Hillary Clinton, who spends literally all of her time sending out spoofed Joe Biden emails begging donations for her massive campaign debt, has yet another financial indignity on her horizon: She’ll make $4,700 less per year than the current black Secretary of State, because that’s how Barack Obama’s America rolls. MORE »

Of America’s many great achievements in this young century, nothing can really top the savage rape and murder of the American Dream. Nobody really mentions it anymore, but ancient texts refer to this notion that everyone, through hard work, could become free and happy through the earning of riches, and then their kids would do even better, etc. Well, it is no longer true. Since the year 2000, only the wealthy have made more money. Everybody else is fucked, and the divide is rapidly getting wider. This is the conclusion of a three-year study by the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development, a communist-terrorist group consisting of the United States and other rich nations. MORE »

One of the weirdest things to watch in American politics is how the wingnuts do these lockstep moves to some “what the hell are they even talking about?” fake outrage, and within hours there are millions of inane illiterate blog comments and chain emails and C-SPAN callers all prattling on about something nobody had any problem with and had never even heard of, say, last week. How does this happen? What is ACORN, anyway? MORE »

You know what Louisiana Republicans love? Constructing elaborate state-funded schemes for tinkering with the loins of undesirables. First comes Governor Bobby Jindal’s amazing proposal to castrate sex offenders, and now some kook in Metairie wants to pay poor women $1000 to have their tubes tied so that they will quit squirting out orphans to suckle at the government teat. Wait, what? A Republican in favor of state-funded birth control? Well, why the hell not? MORE »

PHIL GRAMM: POOR PEOPLE SUCK! “There wasn’t ever a bit of evidence for such an absurd claim, but it didn’t matter. If you repeat a lie often enough, in front of an American Flag, it becomes true for people too dim to know better. After all, it was Patriotic, and only communists and homosexuals would be against Patriotism.” [AOL Political Machine]

Liberals like John McCain have spent their lives spending your money in Washington, so it’s no surprise that McCain’s campaign has given up its pathetic fund-raising attempts and will now go on the Election 2008 dole. Today, the McCain camp admitted it will “accept taxpayer money to finance his general election and share other costs with the Republican National Committee,” the Politico reports. And guess what kind of no-money-having people Americans hate more than anything? MORE »

BITTER DESSERTS: Pennsylvania voters finally sick of Hillary’s bitter hustle, so they shout for her to shut up when she tries a fourth day of pretending all poor people are so happy to be poor and out of work because of her husband. [Washington Post's The Trail]

Marketwatch wants you to cheer up. Well, not all of you, just the ones with investments and money who are freaking out because poor people are rioting over scarce food supplies, millions of foreclosed homes are sitting empty and unsold, and local governments are no longer able to afford police and firefighters to protect rich people from the hordes. What to do? Laugh, that’s what! MORE »

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

It has come to our attention that the economy is in a bit of a pickle. As financial and macroeconomic experts, we’re all too aware of what this portends: hobos! Yes, thousands of shabby, unshaven, impoverished tramps will soon be spreading out onto America’s streets — and America’s editorial pages! In this week’s Cartoon Violence, we offer up a guide to the coming hobocalypse that will help you make it through with your bindle intact. MORE »

Like the “freak” Marilyn on teevee’s The Munsters, Lauren Bush brings unwanted poise, grace and beauty to a crime dynasty known for boors, thugs and invasions. MORE »

* President Bush presents his budget. Grover Norquist says, “Yay!” Nancy Pelosi says, “Boo!” [WP, NYT]
* Rudy Giuliani plans to run for President in the same clipped-sentence, homo-loving way to which he is accustomed. [WP, NYT]
* “Senator McConnell led his Republican troops off a cliff,” to make sure American troops could be led into Baghdad. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT]
* Henry Waxman is the Eliot Ness to Dick Cheney’s Al Capone. [NYT]
* Making less than $100K a year qualifies as “American Poor,” with all the paltry handouts to which you are entitled. [WSJ]
* Sexy astronaut love triangle features adultery, assault, diapers. [LAT]