HMM MAYBE DON’T EAT RAW COOKIE DOUGH YOU FAT PATHETIC SLOBS: Nestle is “voluntarily recalling” its best-selling “Fatty Fatso Cookie Dough Tubes” because the government says people are probably getting the E coli because Americans are so fucking disgusting they are just squeezing these foul, raw, cold grease poops right into their mouths. [ABC News]

By the Comics Curmudgeon

You would be forgiven if you assumed that the members of our political class were terrible killer cyborgs, sent from the future to kill us all, with skeletons and organs made from metal and plastic. Or perhaps you believe them to be terrible hell-demons, with skin made out of scales wrapped around viscera of pure fire. But you might be surprised to learn that neither of these descriptions are true. Elected officials are real humans, like you! If you prick them, do they not bleed? If you tickle them, do they not laugh? Also, they poop and have huge boners, as you’ll see after the jump. MORE »

Why are the wingnuts so obsessed with poop and ass and “prix” and Barney Frank performing medical procedures on their anuses? Here’s old Sour Betsy at some dingbat teabagging fail or another, yesterday, proclaiming to the world that she is, in fact, a piece of shit. Thanks to our pal BlueGal for the horror.

EWWWWWWWWWW Oregon state legislators are filthy! All they talk about is blood and poop and semen. They wrote a bill about this stuff because they are gross. (Also, to protect Women.) Basically it says that before you give the nice lady a Cleveland Steamer, make sure she consents. MORE »

THIS IS WHY DOWNTOWN SMELLS LIKE ASS: Here is a true fact about the source of DC’s insidious fecal odor, gleaned from the Universal Source of All True Things, Wikipedia, by Wonkette Informant Tyler: “I spent most of yesterday afternoon wondering why the entirety of Buffalo Billiards (and the rest of Dupont, really) smelled like dog shit more than usual. Turns out that the female gingko trees drop pods/seeds that smell like shit when they split open.” Ginkgo trees are a metaphor for the sacred loins of Barbara Bush Sr. [Wikipedia]

• NEED MORE INFO PLZ: Wonkette olfactory operative “Lim” wrote earlier this morning, “I now corroborated with multiple people that downtown DC today smells like dog-shit. Everywhere you go, everything just smells like shit. What the hell is going on?” Lanny Davis. Lanny Davis is what’s going on. We have no idea, Limmy. If you, the local Wonkette reader, also smell dog shit in Downtown DC, first check the soles of your shoes, and if they’re clear then try to locate the source for an exciting Wonkette “pooper scoop.” (Ugh.) Go!

Things are looking pretty rough in Republican fundraising circles these days…except for an elite group of operatives who accept campaign contributions in the only denomination that still holds its value in the global market: human feces. MORE »

*THIS CAN’T BE THE FIRST TIME:* Bill Clinton’s meanness got you down? Well here’s something neat: some random blogger spotted “two big poops” on the DC Metro today. [Jesus Saves, I Spend via Free Ride]

* The CVS at the Starburst intersection was robbed, causing an elderly woman to faint. [Frozen Tropics]
* Spot the Nazi bus and Eva Braun will poop on your chest. [Mayhem By Miss M]
* Best tender breasts aren’t even on the menu anymore. Get in the know. [The DC Concierge]
* Shutdown Day 2007. OMGROTFLOL. [The View from Dupont]
* New Whole Foods in Fairfax has wine tasting bar, five gourmet restaurants and fashion beers. One of only two “concept” locations. [Go Clipless]