We apologize for our long absence today. We had to lie down for a few hours after witnessing THE CUTEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED ON THIS EARTH. We’re serious. Baby Jesus surrounded by kittens on rollerskates singing “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth,” that might come close. A puppy riding a pony in a cowboy outfit while pretending to rob a bank? Eh. We have seen The Stick in a bowl. Observe:

Sure, he’s still getting it on with that frightening butt plug large dog toy, but, man… The rolling, the tumbling, the turning into a furry little yin-yang symbol? Oh, we’re going to have to lie down again. MORE »

You want to know why John Kerry didn’t win in 2004? Listen to this rant by Kerry communications staffer Jim Loftus, caught in the upcoming documentary, “Inside the Bubble.”

When I was an advance guy if someone said, ‘Get a pony on the 10th floor of this hotel in four hours — I want a pony on the 1028 floor in four hours,’ I would have said, ‘What color eyes should it have?’ All I got — I gave these guys four days, ‘Find me a pony, get it in the goddamn room…’ — ‘Where am I gonna find a pony?’ I said, ‘Go to the fucking phone book, you’re an advance guy!’”

Of course. For want of a pony. . . MORE »