Tag Archives: polygamy

  Polygamy Is For Winners

Sister Wives: Creepy Dad Throws Creepy Party For Creepy Family, Creepy Self

This week’s episode of “Sister Wives” was more a mash up than an episode. It felt like the editors didn’t have enough on one topic, so cobbled a bunch of things together to generate 45 minutes of outcasted Mormon fun. The non-sequiters were bumpin’ and I kept waiting for strobe lights to appear and Vanilla Ice’s old beats to carry the scenes. Read more on Sister Wives: Creepy Dad Throws Creepy Party For Creepy Family, Creepy Self…
  put a wingnut on it

Worst Psychiatrist Ever Keith Ablow Declares Marriage Dead, Removes Life Support, Burns Hospital To Ground

Never one to stoop to hyperbole, Fox News Psychiatric Head Doctor Keith Ablow proclaimed 2013 the year that marriage finally died, killed by the gays and the liberals and the courts and the polygamists, and also by the celebrities, too. Game over, man. GAME OVER! And just look at the evidence: More than a year ago, when states began to legalize gay marriage, I argued that polygamy would be the natural result. If love between humans of legal age is the only condition required to have the state issue a marriage license, then it is irrational to assert that two men or two women can have such feelings for one another, while three women and a man, or two men and a woman, cannot … Gay rights groups criticized me for suggesting that their bid for marriage rights would lead to polygamy being green-lighted. Well who’s laughing now, huh? Huh? Look what happened! A federal court judge overturned Utah’s polygamy law! And now the floodgates are open! Millions of polygamists are gonna start marrying each other all over the place! Never mind that what the judge really threw out was the part of the law that made cohabitation illegal — the granting of multiple marriage licenses is still very much illegal, and all the court did was to bring Utah law into line with other states’ bigamy statutes. But never mind, Ablow’s on a roll. Read more on Worst Psychiatrist Ever Keith Ablow Declares Marriage Dead, Removes Life Support, Burns Hospital To Ground…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Tour Of The Terrible

Happy Saturday, Wonquistadores! Every week, our web browsers overflow with a fetid slop of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth full posts of their own. Then we mop up the mess and wring out the smelly excess into a big old bucket we call the Derp Roundup. Add grain alcohol, stir, and enjoy! Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Tour Of The Terrible…
  blood simple

Mitt’s Mexican Family, Part Two: Homicidal Polygamist Goes On Blood Atonement Spree

Yesterday, when we brought you Part One of Vice’s intrepid trip to Juarez to meet up with Mitt Romney’s Mexican Mormon cousins fighting the cartels, a whole bunch of you were all “waaah we hate hipsters” and “waaah we hate beheadings” and “waaah we are not going to watch this but are just going to complain about it instead!” Well, here is your second chance to bitch and kvetch, because it is Part Two, in which Vice’s chief hipster goes and explicates some homicidal Mexican Mormon’s “Blood Atonement” spree. Enjoy your bitching, Wonker bitches! (No beheadings in this one. Maybe tomorrow!) Read more on Mitt’s Mexican Family, Part Two: Homicidal Polygamist Goes On Blood Atonement Spree…
  seven more months

Your Cutesy Little Insight Into Mormonism Sucks

Oh man, so, you know that cutesy little insight you may have Mitt Romney and the Secrets of Mormonism that you think could pass off as clever or “ironic”? Well, it’s not really interesting at all, nor is it clever, and you don’t know what irony is. So please, please, cut the crap, Brian Schweitzer and Martin Bashir, because we don’t really need to spend the next seven months watching daily evil cable news debates about whether Romney’s Mormon church or Barack Obama’s Jeremiah Wright church is WEIRDER, as would inevitably — and not unfairly — be the case. Read more on Your Cutesy Little Insight Into Mormonism Sucks…