So this news channel embedded deep in Bitters country — West Virginia, Ohio, and Kentucky — runs the occasional poll asking such probing questions as “Do you plan to buy mulch from the city of Charleston?” Here is a new favorite. [WSAZ Polls]

Just a few short years ago, Americans huddled in their underground bunkers worrying that Saddam Hussein was coming to bomb them, personally. Now Americans huddle in their underground bunkers worrying that they’re going to have to tap into their emergency supplies of Hobo Beans — but at least they’re not afraid of the terrorists anymore! MORE »

• 56% OF AMERICANS ARE SOCIALIST COMMIE MARX-MAOIST STALINFURRIES: Hey looky here, the Newsweek magazine says that 56% of Americans support “nationalizing large banks at risk of failing,” while only 29% support the Responsible Centrist option of giving crappy insolvent banks run by actual hell demons all the money they want forever, on their own terms. Who knew that a majority of Americans are in favor of gay abortions and giving AIDS to our children? [Newsweek]

Hmm, let’s see how annoying we can make this post… MORE »

Barack Obama is now officially bigger than Jesus, according to a new Harris poll — that’s right, a new study proves it! The survey, conducted last month in the United States, asked Americans to name their heroes. President Obama was the clear leader, easily beating the long-dead “Jesus” of christian mythology. Yes we can! MORE »

A new monthly Gallup poll has Congress’ approval rating at 31%, and hey, that’s not bad! Although the teevee kept saying that Obama and the Democrats had failed miserably during the stimulus debate while the Republicans found new life, the country “loves” Democrats now, and hates Republicans even more. NEED MORE ERIC CANTOR. [Gallup]

So we were flipping through Christianity Today — we read it for the articles! — and saw that the Religious Right doesn’t want to be called the Religious Right anymore, because they are losers, and they have failed, finally. What to call these Trans-fat Taliban of the Unemployed American Heartland? Let’s have a fun poll! MORE »

…This kind of looks like a penis. [Pollster]

In the months leading up to the presidential election, the single most important time of the day, every day, was late in the afternoon, when Nate Silver’s “Today’s Polls, dd/mm” from FiveThirtyEight would appear in America’s Google Readers. Nothing excited liberals more than seeing a new SurveyUSA poll showing Obama +7 in Virginia, for example, precisely because Silver told us all that SurveyUSA was a good pollster. But you know who else was good, and got less credit, was Mark Blumenthal over there at Pollster.com. Poor underappreciated Mark Blumenthal! He used fancy regressions on his poll averages too, you know!? Well we haven’t looked at either of these sites since November 5, but this random Andrew Sullivan post tells us that Silver and Blumenthal are still doing poll analysis — and they’re reaching shockingly different conclusions. MORE »

• STIMULUS DEBATE SAVES REPUBLICAN PARTY: From Gallup: “The American public gives President Barack Obama a strong 67% approval rating for the way in which he is handling the government’s efforts to pass an economic stimulus bill, while the Democrats and, in particular, the Republicans in Congress receive much lower approval ratings of 48% and 31%, respectively.” Republican revolution in 2010! [Gallup]

Are you ready for 2012 polls? Well, too bad. Gallup is already doing 2012 polls. Nate Silver will not even get a break to buy a baseball team or whatever. According to Gallup, of the last losers calling themselves “Republican,” 67% want Alaskan turkey Sarah Palin to run, 62% wish Mormon gay-hater Mitt Romney would have another losing campaign, and 61% hope squirrel-eating socialist and Romney-hater Mike Huckabee will have another go in 2012. MORE »