PANIC, MOTHERFUCKERS! A new Pew poll shows Romney up four (49-45%) with likely voters following last week’s debate. According to Twitter, blah blah sampling women Midwest Chuck Todd just DMed me and it was hot, but basically Obama has permanently and totally lost the election after Jim Lehrer didn’t have his back.

It has been a bad weekend for the Romney campaign, what with the DNC going reasonably well for a massive propaganda event that involved Martin O’Malley. The solution to this slight downward slide? An insane memo to the media from the campaign’s pollster informing them of just how awesome everything is, like the Facebook statuses […]

Oh dear, Miff Romney, you are just a horrible presidential candidate, and for once it is not just Your Wonkette that thinks so! No, according to “polls,” your speech was received worse than any since Bob Dole stood on stage and just repeated his own name for 142 minutes of Old Man smell. But let […]

It looks like the Jews have turned their back on yet another messiah! The Tribe was widely believed to be the last white people to like Barack Obama even a little, but a shocking new poll has revealed that even this tribe of notorious liberal communists have abandoned Barry to his fate. It now seems […]

Here’s a Internet fun thing you can do, for certain limited definitions of fun, if you spend all your time on the Internet: subscribe to the New York Times RSS feeds and watch how their headlines change over time! So for instance this article started with “44 Percent of Americans Approve of Supreme Court in […]

Get out your Purple Heart bandages, because it is once again time to remind the American people that The Troops are a bunch of lazy, cowardly, treasonous, unpatriotic, un-American, Kenyan-Socialist-Communist whiners. If the election were held today, Obama would win the veteran vote by as much as seven points over Romney, higher than his margin […]

You Democrats keep falling for Hillary Clinton. It’s been less than two years since her and her husband’s completely obnoxious path to losing the Democratic presidential nomination, the best thing that ever happened to her. She gets to fly around the world doing whatever while no one really pays attention but assumes she’s doing well, […]

Democracy is democratizing at the Wonkette blog! We received so many excellent submissions for our “make a dumb computer picture of Rachel Maddow fighting aliens and/or Antonin Scalia” Art Contest that your usually totalitarian editor has decided not to unilaterally pick the winner based on whatever would piss off the community most. We did, however, […]

Today is a very special day: It is Everyone Hates Mitt Romney Day! Only 34 percent of respondents were able to find enough pity in their hearts to muster a weary “sure” (he does try so hard) when asked whether they liked Mittens, according to a new Washington Post-ABC poll. BUT Mittens is still beating […]

Why do pollsters do polls about candidates’ spouses? They just sort of stand there, on the trail, smiling, and then if the candidate wins they may launch some benign PR initiative, like recommending good nutrition and exercise for children. In other words, they poll candidates’ spouses because they’re extremely important figures who could end up […]

Was your day going a little too well until now? Were the birds annoying you with their musical chirps, and the sun just cold pissing you off with its warming rays? Then you will want to take a look at this NYT/CBS poll on American attitudes towards President Barack Obama and other filthy whores. Proving […]

Women in this country are under a tremendous amount of pressure right now, with scaly old men going out of their way and then some to make sure there is absolutely nothing left in place to prevent their personal “30 Kids and Counting” fantasies from coming true. They are still working on the part where […]

Favored pick “Iran” won this season’s Gallup poll for “America’s Top Enemy” by its highest-ever margin, wow! A full third of Americans picked Iran as their most dreaded bogeyman this year (up from a quarter last year) for, eh, some sort of reason. Perhaps a follow-up “why” question might have been interesting or informative here, […]

Admit it, cynical, smug blog reader: You thought that Pete Hoekstra’s Senate ad about “Debbie SpendItNow,” featuring an Asian lady riding a bicycle through Asian rice paddies and taunting Michiganers about how lazy and jobless they are through her cartoonish broken English, would be one of those things where the lamestream media shouted “racist” and […]