Tag Archives: polls

  trigger warning: schadenfreude

Come, Drink In Delusional Mitt Romney’s Election-Night Sadness With Us

Oh boy, we have now reached our favorite part of the election cycle: the end! It’s great because (a) the stressful part is over and (b) all the low-level staffers for both campaigns start telling secrets to the reporters that they most want to sleep with. And so it was that the lucky folks at CBS, America’s old-person network, got the scoop on the tragic emotional landscape of the Romney-Ryan campaign’s final night, when everyone’s sincere belief in their inevitable victory ran head-first into reality. Join us for a gleefully annotated summary, after the jump! Read more on Come, Drink In Delusional Mitt Romney’s Election-Night Sadness With Us…
  first they came for the truthers

NRO Weeps For America’s New Oppressed Minority: Poll Truthers

After a month or so of really kind of absurd arguments that every poll in existence was skewed because of liberalism and Nate Silver being a big gay homosexual, we have now come full circle: Jim Geraghty at the National Review has decided that those who criticize morons are basically calling them racists. So a lot of people who don’t read me that closely are going to look at what follows and interpret it as “Jim’s saying the polls are always wrong.” That’s not what I’m saying, but I’m prefacing all of this with that prediction, because we’ve all seen that when people don’t like what you have to say, they attempt to cut off discussion by calling you insane or silly. Sneering “truther” in response to a disagreement from the conventional wisdom is almost as worn out as “racist.” Geraghty then proceeds to argue that polls are probably always wrong, which is a totally different argument that his first sentence completely negates. But what about the fact that bold truth-teller Jimmy is basically being called a racist just because he’s kind of innumerate and hackish? Read more on NRO Weeps For America’s New Oppressed Minority: Poll Truthers…
  ordinary citizens such as you

New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)

OH CRAP ROMNEY’S AHEAD BY TWO POINTS IN THE LATEST AP POLL AND THE LADIES ALL LOVE HIM NOW TIME TO FREAK OUT??? No, don’t worry, libs, your math and numbers boyfriend Nate Silver still has Barry with a 70% chance of winning (and also offers soothing words about how the media specifically pays attention to outlier polls, which makes for a misleading picture). But! The AP poll does contain some delightful quotes from ordinary Americans and other little details that seem, well, kind of hilarious? Not on purpose? Join us for a children’s treasury, after the jump. Read more on New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)…
  don't think just break things

New Pew Poll Shows End Of Democratic Party As We Know It

PANIC, MOTHERFUCKERS! A new Pew poll shows Romney up four (49-45%) with likely voters following last week’s debate. According to Twitter, blah blah sampling women Midwest Chuck Todd just DMed me and it was hot, but basically Obama has permanently and totally lost the election after Jim Lehrer didn’t have his back. Read more on New Pew Poll Shows End Of Democratic Party As We Know It…
  we have always been at war with new mexico

The Romney Campaign Wants You To Believe, Media

It has been a bad weekend for the Romney campaign, what with the DNC going reasonably well for a massive propaganda event that involved Martin O’Malley. The solution to this slight downward slide? An insane memo to the media from the campaign’s pollster informing them of just how awesome everything is, like the Facebook statuses you put up right after a breakup to insinuate that you are balls deep in hot persons and laughs and fun and rainbows. Read more on The Romney Campaign Wants You To Believe, Media…
  this week in stirring oratory

Science: Mitt Romney’s RNC Speech Most Terrible In History

Oh dear, Miff Romney, you are just a horrible presidential candidate, and for once it is not just Your Wonkette that thinks so! No, according to “polls,” your speech was received worse than any since Bob Dole stood on stage and just repeated his own name for 142 minutes of Old Man smell. But let us consider together just why Miff Romney’s speech was so horribly bad! Read more on Science: Mitt Romney’s RNC Speech Most Terrible In History…
  papa can you hear me

Jewish Support For Obama Drops From Superdupermajority To Mere Supermajority

It looks like the Jews have turned their back on yet another messiah! The Tribe was widely believed to be the last white people to like Barack Obama even a little, but a shocking new poll has revealed that even this tribe of notorious liberal communists have abandoned Barry to his fate. It now seems that Obama is leading Romney only by 35 points among Jewish voters! Is his bid for another term as ruler of the ancient Kingdom of Judah in trouble? Will the House of Saul finally reunite the divided Kingdoms? And how can we wedge a reference to Mormonism into this poll for no good reason? Read more on Jewish Support For Obama Drops From Superdupermajority To Mere Supermajority…
  nation of haters

56% Of Americans Hate The Supreme Court, Yearn For ‘Thunderdome Law’

Here’s a Internet fun thing you can do, for certain limited definitions of fun, if you spend all your time on the Internet: subscribe to the New York Times RSS feeds and watch how their headlines change over time! So for instance this article started with “44 Percent of Americans Approve of Supreme Court in New Poll,” which sounds neutral-to-good; it’s literally triple the number who approve of Congress, though it’s a few percentage points behind our hated President. But as of this writing it says “Approval Rating for Justices Hits Just 44% in New Poll,” and when you think about that, hmm, maybe that does seem pretty low, considering the Supreme Court is supposed to be neutral arbiter of our fundamental laws and all. By the time you read this the headline will have probably changed to “BURN THE HATED BLACK-ROBED DICTATORS” and the streets will be awash with blood. Read more on 56% Of Americans Hate The Supreme Court, Yearn For ‘Thunderdome Law’…
  pansies

Treasonous, Cowardly, Un-American Troops Favor Obama By Seven

Get out your Purple Heart bandages, because it is once again time to remind the American people that The Troops are a bunch of lazy, cowardly, treasonous, unpatriotic, un-American, Kenyan-Socialist-Communist whiners. If the election were held today, Obama would win the veteran vote by as much as seven points over Romney, higher than his margin in the general population. The fuck you say! It is almost like soldiers are expressing anger at the toll of a decade of war, questioning the legitimacy of George W. Bush’s Iraq invasion, and worrying that the surge in Afghanistan won’t make a difference in the long run! (And also: don’t really have a hard-on for #WARRING with Iran!) Read more on Treasonous, Cowardly, Un-American Troops Favor Obama By Seven…
  we'll all be dead by then is the thing

Hillary Clinton Is Your Future President, Again

You Democrats keep falling for Hillary Clinton. It’s been less than two years since her and her husband’s completely obnoxious path to losing the Democratic presidential nomination, the best thing that ever happened to her. She gets to fly around the world doing whatever while no one really pays attention but assumes she’s doing well, she’s out of elected office and therefore not hated, and recently she’s been meme-ified in on some Internet photo thing that lasted like two days. You people, you love her. She has an 86% percent favorability among Democrats. You love her and will make her president, in the future. Read more on Hillary Clinton Is Your Future President, Again…
  wonkette art contests

Wonkette Book Contest: Vote For Your Favorite Disturbing Maddow/Scalia/Alien Art!

Democracy is democratizing at the Wonkette blog! We received so many excellent submissions for our “make a dumb computer picture of Rachel Maddow fighting aliens and/or Antonin Scalia” Art Contest that your usually totalitarian editor has decided not to unilaterally pick the winner based on whatever would piss off the community most. We did, however, cull the field down to ten finalists, which you can view and vote on below. Indeed, difficult decisions were made. We appreciate all submissions and applaud the submitteurs. (On the other hand, suck it, losers. Way to lose!) And before you click the clicky, one more exciting new detail: We will now be giving away two (2) autographed copies of Maddow’s book, so now two (2) people out of several dozen will not have completely wasted their time making dumb computer pictures. Everyone’s a winner! Okay, now go ahead and click the clicky. Read more on Wonkette Book Contest: Vote For Your Favorite Disturbing Maddow/Scalia/Alien Art!…
  oh come on everyone knows it's just based on looks

Mitt Romney Edges Out Afghanistan War in Voter Popularity Contest

Today is a very special day: It is Everyone Hates Mitt Romney Day! Only 34 percent of respondents were able to find enough pity in their hearts to muster a weary “sure” (he does try so hard) when asked whether they liked Mittens, according to a new Washington Post-ABC poll. BUT Mittens is still beating “endless bloody bazillion dollar war in Afghanistan” by a solid 11-point margin, so there’s that. Another new poll, this one from Quinnipiac, puts him behind Barack Obama in the three swing states of Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida. Tell us what we are seeing here, pollsters: “The overall pattern is similar to his trajectory four years ago: As he became better known, his unfavorables shot up far more rapidly than his positive numbers.” Now, Is this because of his embarrassing inability to pander convincingly? Or is it more because, as Arlen Specter squeeled on the teevee today, “Mitt Romney has changed positions more often than a pornographic movie queen?” Read more on Mitt Romney Edges Out Afghanistan War in Voter Popularity Contest…
  today in pollery

Voters Simply Don’t Care For Callista Gingrich, Who Is Not Running For Anything

Why do pollsters do polls about candidates’ spouses? They just sort of stand there, on the trail, smiling, and then if the candidate wins they may launch some benign PR initiative, like recommending good nutrition and exercise for children. In other words, they poll candidates’ spouses because they’re extremely important figures who could end up indoctrinating our children! And Callista “Cally” Gingrich, according to the latest PPP poll, has an 18% favorability rating. It seems there’s quite a bit of jealousy out there among the 82% of American voters who haven’t had the pleasure of marrying Newt Gingrich yet. Read more on Voters Simply Don’t Care For Callista Gingrich, Who Is Not Running For Anything…
 

Totally Non-Shocking Poll Results: Americans A-Okay With Denying Sluts Birth Control

Was your day going a little too well until now? Were the birds annoying you with their musical chirps, and the sun just cold pissing you off with its warming rays? Then you will want to take a look at this NYT/CBS poll on American attitudes towards President Barack Obama and other filthy whores. Proving you can never repeat nonsense bullshit like “they want us taxpayers to pay them to have sex!” too many times, the gentlefolk on the right appear to have won this round with the simple childlike (“nuanced”?) morans of the US of A. Read more on Totally Non-Shocking Poll Results: Americans A-Okay With Denying Sluts Birth Control…
  flotus files

FLOTUS Less Popular Among White Ladies With Poor Self-Esteem

Women in this country are under a tremendous amount of pressure right now, with scaly old men going out of their way and then some to make sure there is absolutely nothing left in place to prevent their personal “30 Kids and Counting” fantasies from coming true. They are still working on the part where they have to find actual women to do the sexing with them, but in good time, because apparently we are not only a nation of rampant obesity, but also widespread low self-esteem. Well, there is low self-esteem among white people – white women, to be exact, according to a Washington Post Survey which found that “67 percent of black women describe themselves as having high self-esteem, compared with 43 percent of white women.” This same survey also asked women to describe their feelings toward Michelle Obama, to which white women replied, “I do not care for her Bermuda shorts.” Read more on FLOTUS Less Popular Among White Ladies With Poor Self-Esteem…
  new poll proves it

Mere 1% of Americans Can Correctly Identify Nation’s Top Global Enemy

Favored pick “Iran” won this season’s Gallup poll for “America’s Top Enemy” by its highest-ever margin, wow! A full third of Americans picked Iran as their most dreaded bogeyman this year (up from a quarter last year) for, eh, some sort of reason. Perhaps a follow-up “why” question might have been interesting or informative here, pollsters? Nope. Gallup cheated and filled in the essay section on its own without Americans’ help, as may be noted from the conspicuous lack of JEE-HAD and TERRORIZM mentions in their concluding analysis to explain Iran’s ongoing dominance in this award category: “Iran’s continued public announcements of its growing nuclear capabilities, its threats of war with U.S. ally Israel, and the possibility that Iran could disrupt the flow of oil out of the Middle East and further affect domestic oil and gas prices no doubt all contribute to Americans’ negative views of the country.” Hm. Well to be fair, by this logic that we ought to freak out over the country that’s doing the best job of constantly threatening new wars and buying scary new weapons and driving up oil prices, the nation that Americans should really fear most is, ha ha, their own. So what percentage of Americans managed to arrive at this conclusion? (HINT: the headline gives it away.) Read more on Mere 1% of Americans Can Correctly Identify Nation’s Top Global Enemy…
  great moments of complete failure

Pete Hoekstra’s Lie-Filled Racist Ad Surprisingly Unpopular

Admit it, cynical, smug blog reader: You thought that Pete Hoekstra’s Senate ad about “Debbie SpendItNow,” featuring an Asian lady riding a bicycle through Asian rice paddies and taunting Michiganers about how lazy and jobless they are through her cartoonish broken English, would be one of those things where the lamestream media shouted “racist” and “completely offensive” while Hoekstra’s popularity numbers nevertheless rose astronomically as a populist backlash to the lamestream media shouting “racist” and “completely offensive.” You thought there would be an excellent chance of this happening, since nothing good ever happens in American politics. And yet Pete Hoekstra is now comically unpopular! What a world. Read more on Pete Hoekstra’s Lie-Filled Racist Ad Surprisingly Unpopular…
  oh mittens

Today’s Opportunity To Point & Laugh At Mitt Romney: He’s Losing Michigan

Maybe Mitt Romney’s multiple years of screaming for Detroit to go bankrupt as rapidly as possible are becoming a net-negative, pollingwise, or maybe the people of Michigan simply feel that Mitt Romney is a useless lying fraud, as people do everywhere. Whatever the case, he’s now losing badly in his latest “firewall” state, Michigan, where his father was a governor and icon and legend and popular pillar of society for decades. Read more on Today’s Opportunity To Point & Laugh At Mitt Romney: He’s Losing Michigan…
  sigh

One Month Later, Half of U.S. Forgets Iraq War, Wants New War (With Iran)

Oh, so the war in Afghanistan is supposed to end soon-ish, like next year, maybe? Sure, we’ve done a pretty good job leaving that country on the brink of yet another horrifying civil war, NEXT. It is now Iran’s turn to be liberationed! Forty-nine percent of Americans, which for you statistically-minded folk means “probably at least one or even multiple people that you know,” believes the United States should start a preemptive war with Iran despite otherwise appearing in possession of the requisite faculties to breathe, eat, take a shit and respond to basic questions from a pollster that should denote sentience. Kind of weird, right!? Also weird: Americans felt as recently as November of last year (by a two-to-one margin) that other famed preemptive war “the Iraq thing” was a really awful waste of human life, money, human life, human life, time, etc. But HELLO, it is February 2012 already, and the troops are home since December! Which means it is time to send them all back out again. Read more on One Month Later, Half of U.S. Forgets Iraq War, Wants New War (With Iran)…
  good news

Donald Trump Endorsement to Help Mitt Romney Lose Nevada

Ha ha, your editor promised herself to ignore whatever poop that jaundiced lizard Donald Trump decided to squeeze out of his mouth today (Allah love Kaia, she has braved the cesspool). We would just like to share this bit of heartening mid-January poll fun from the Pew Research Center that Political Wire noted on the occasion of Donald Trump’s pointless endorsement of the importance of himself endorsing Mitt Romney: Read more on Donald Trump Endorsement to Help Mitt Romney Lose Nevada…
  visions of america

66% of Americans Cannot Even Guess Approximate Population of USA

What better occasion than the nation’s first caucus/primary thing of 2012 to remember that Americans are mouth-breathing idiots. The new Vanity Fair/CBS survey of U.S. dumbness has been released, and it proves that two-thirds of this nation’s adults have no idea that the population of the USA is approximately 300 million people. You didn’t even need to be correct, just approximate! You could round off the entire population of New York City, or the whole L.A. metropolitan area, and still be “close enough” for the Vanity Fair pollsters. Anyway, 28% of Americans apparently believe there are a billion of us, while 23% believe there are 500 million of us, and 5% live under the happy delusion that there are only 100 million awful Americans on the planet. Read more on 66% of Americans Cannot Even Guess Approximate Population of USA…