Tag: polls

How Many Blue States Is Donald Trump Imaginary Winning In This Week? So Many!

Hey Trumpkins! Are you sick of winning YET? Because my god, Trump is just winning so hard, all over the place these days, and you've got to have some serious winning fatigue by now! As we learned Tuesday, Trump...
Texas: Not Spongeworthy

LOL Hillary Clinton Might Win Texas, Probably Not But Still LOL

A new poll shows Hillary trailing Trump by only SIX POINTS in Texas. SIX POINTS!

‘Fox & Friends’ Idiots Discover Wonderful New App That Says Donald Trump Already President

ELECTION OVER, EVERYONE. All hail President Trump!

Aw, Cute! Trumpkins Have Their Own Site Now That Says Trump Is WINNING In The Polls!

Once again, we have another dispatch from the Trumperverse, the parallel universe in which Donald Trump is a very respectful and humble person, who is totally going to win this election. As we mentioned the last time we visited...

Your Senate Sunday: Florida’s U.S. Senate Race About As Screwy As Everything Else In Florida

Florida's having another election. Please tighten your safety belts and assume your crash positions.

Don’t Listen To Teevee Chefs About Sunscreen Plz

Oh thank God, it's the Snake Oil Bulletin!

Donald Trump Thinks His Supporters Are Cowards Who Are Too Scared To Tell Pollsters They Love Him. SAD!

The delicate flowers cannot handle the hypothetical judgment of a disembodied voice conducting a phone survey, he says.

Hillary Clinton Might Win Arizona LOL

No really, it could happen!
Never gets old. The picture, we mean.

Sad Republicans Would Rather Campaign With Stinky George W. Bush Than That Mean Trump Boy

Endangered Republican senators are worried Donald Trump may hurt their chances in the fall, so they're getting campaign help from a truly popular Republican: George W. Bush, who's only unpopular with half the country.

Is Lindsey Graham Falling For Donald Trump In Spite Of Himself?

Lindsey Graham is now reportedly asking Republican donors to get behind Trump.

Donald Trump, Paul Ryan Is Not That Kind Of Girl!

Despite the obvious chemistry, Paul says he is not the kind of Speaker who goes in for party unification on the first date, and is withholding his endorsement until he gets flowers.
Borned stupid.

Ted Cruz’s Dildos Squeezed Their Way Into Your Weekly Top Ten

What up, our Wonkette bros and lady-bros, are you ready to get a Top Ten list crammed at your face? GOOD. We had some weird news this week, about Ted Cruz's Dildo Issues. And also some other things too!...

New Hampshire’s Kelly Ayotte And Maggie Hassan Gonna Lady-Fight For Senate Seat

Happy Easter, Wonkers! We hope you have all been inspired by the annual rites celebrating the rebirth of pagan fertility gods as distilled through Christian cultural hegemony. Or that you'll at least chow down on half-priced chocolate bunnies tomorrow....
It's almost as if we wanted one of these gents to look bad.

Russ Feingold Seeks To Retake Senate Seat From Teabagger Crapsack Ron Johnson

We've got another fun Senate race for you this week, kids, and this one's actually a rematch: In Wisconsin, former Sen. Russ Feingold wants to win back the seat that teabagger, would-be Obamacare-murderer, and all around schmuck Ron Johnson...

Marco Rubio Loses Second Place In Puerto Rico, Will Do Better In Florida

Exciting news for Marco Rubio! He winned another thing! The thing is Puerto Rico, which may or may not be a part of the United States, depending on whether you are a goddamned idiot moron dumbfuck-faced idiot. The dankest...