Tag Archives: polls

  this week in stirring oratory

Science: Mitt Romney’s RNC Speech Most Terrible In History

Oh dear, Miff Romney, you are just a horrible presidential candidate, and for once it is not just Your Wonkette that thinks so! No, according to “polls,” your speech was received worse than any since Bob Dole stood on stage and just repeated his own name for 142 minutes of Old Man smell. But let us consider together just why Miff Romney’s speech was so horribly bad! Read more on Science: Mitt Romney’s RNC Speech Most Terrible In History…
  papa can you hear me

Jewish Support For Obama Drops From Superdupermajority To Mere Supermajority

It looks like the Jews have turned their back on yet another messiah! The Tribe was widely believed to be the last white people to like Barack Obama even a little, but a shocking new poll has revealed that even this tribe of notorious liberal communists have abandoned Barry to his fate. It now seems that Obama is leading Romney only by 35 points among Jewish voters! Is his bid for another term as ruler of the ancient Kingdom of Judah in trouble? Will the House of Saul finally reunite the divided Kingdoms? And how can we wedge a reference to Mormonism into this poll for no good reason? Read more on Jewish Support For Obama Drops From Superdupermajority To Mere Supermajority…
  nation of haters

56% Of Americans Hate The Supreme Court, Yearn For ‘Thunderdome Law’

Here’s a Internet fun thing you can do, for certain limited definitions of fun, if you spend all your time on the Internet: subscribe to the New York Times RSS feeds and watch how their headlines change over time! So for instance this article started with “44 Percent of Americans Approve of Supreme Court in New Poll,” which sounds neutral-to-good; it’s literally triple the number who approve of Congress, though it’s a few percentage points behind our hated President. But as of this writing it says “Approval Rating for Justices Hits Just 44% in New Poll,” and when you think about that, hmm, maybe that does seem pretty low, considering the Supreme Court is supposed to be neutral arbiter of our fundamental laws and all. By the time you read this the headline will have probably changed to “BURN THE HATED BLACK-ROBED DICTATORS” and the streets will be awash with blood. Read more on 56% Of Americans Hate The Supreme Court, Yearn For ‘Thunderdome Law’…
  pansies

Treasonous, Cowardly, Un-American Troops Favor Obama By Seven

Get out your Purple Heart bandages, because it is once again time to remind the American people that The Troops are a bunch of lazy, cowardly, treasonous, unpatriotic, un-American, Kenyan-Socialist-Communist whiners. If the election were held today, Obama would win the veteran vote by as much as seven points over Romney, higher than his margin in the general population. The fuck you say! It is almost like soldiers are expressing anger at the toll of a decade of war, questioning the legitimacy of George W. Bush’s Iraq invasion, and worrying that the surge in Afghanistan won’t make a difference in the long run! (And also: don’t really have a hard-on for #WARRING with Iran!) Read more on Treasonous, Cowardly, Un-American Troops Favor Obama By Seven…
  we'll all be dead by then is the thing

Hillary Clinton Is Your Future President, Again

You Democrats keep falling for Hillary Clinton. It’s been less than two years since her and her husband’s completely obnoxious path to losing the Democratic presidential nomination, the best thing that ever happened to her. She gets to fly around the world doing whatever while no one really pays attention but assumes she’s doing well, she’s out of elected office and therefore not hated, and recently she’s been meme-ified in on some Internet photo thing that lasted like two days. You people, you love her. She has an 86% percent favorability among Democrats. You love her and will make her president, in the future. Read more on Hillary Clinton Is Your Future President, Again…
  wonkette art contests

Wonkette Book Contest: Vote For Your Favorite Disturbing Maddow/Scalia/Alien Art!

Democracy is democratizing at the Wonkette blog! We received so many excellent submissions for our “make a dumb computer picture of Rachel Maddow fighting aliens and/or Antonin Scalia” Art Contest that your usually totalitarian editor has decided not to unilaterally pick the winner based on whatever would piss off the community most. We did, however, cull the field down to ten finalists, which you can view and vote on below. Indeed, difficult decisions were made. We appreciate all submissions and applaud the submitteurs. (On the other hand, suck it, losers. Way to lose!) And before you click the clicky, one more exciting new detail: We will now be giving away two (2) autographed copies of Maddow’s book, so now two (2) people out of several dozen will not have completely wasted their time making dumb computer pictures. Everyone’s a winner! Okay, now go ahead and click the clicky. Read more on Wonkette Book Contest: Vote For Your Favorite Disturbing Maddow/Scalia/Alien Art!…
  oh come on everyone knows it's just based on looks

Mitt Romney Edges Out Afghanistan War in Voter Popularity Contest

Today is a very special day: It is Everyone Hates Mitt Romney Day! Only 34 percent of respondents were able to find enough pity in their hearts to muster a weary “sure” (he does try so hard) when asked whether they liked Mittens, according to a new Washington Post-ABC poll. BUT Mittens is still beating “endless bloody bazillion dollar war in Afghanistan” by a solid 11-point margin, so there’s that. Another new poll, this one from Quinnipiac, puts him behind Barack Obama in the three swing states of Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida. Tell us what we are seeing here, pollsters: “The overall pattern is similar to his trajectory four years ago: As he became better known, his unfavorables shot up far more rapidly than his positive numbers.” Now, Is this because of his embarrassing inability to pander convincingly? Or is it more because, as Arlen Specter squeeled on the teevee today, “Mitt Romney has changed positions more often than a pornographic movie queen?” Read more on Mitt Romney Edges Out Afghanistan War in Voter Popularity Contest…
  today in pollery

Voters Simply Don’t Care For Callista Gingrich, Who Is Not Running For Anything

Why do pollsters do polls about candidates’ spouses? They just sort of stand there, on the trail, smiling, and then if the candidate wins they may launch some benign PR initiative, like recommending good nutrition and exercise for children. In other words, they poll candidates’ spouses because they’re extremely important figures who could end up indoctrinating our children! And Callista “Cally” Gingrich, according to the latest PPP poll, has an 18% favorability rating. It seems there’s quite a bit of jealousy out there among the 82% of American voters who haven’t had the pleasure of marrying Newt Gingrich yet. Read more on Voters Simply Don’t Care For Callista Gingrich, Who Is Not Running For Anything…
 

Totally Non-Shocking Poll Results: Americans A-Okay With Denying Sluts Birth Control

Was your day going a little too well until now? Were the birds annoying you with their musical chirps, and the sun just cold pissing you off with its warming rays? Then you will want to take a look at this NYT/CBS poll on American attitudes towards President Barack Obama and other filthy whores. Proving you can never repeat nonsense bullshit like “they want us taxpayers to pay them to have sex!” too many times, the gentlefolk on the right appear to have won this round with the simple childlike (“nuanced”?) morans of the US of A. Read more on Totally Non-Shocking Poll Results: Americans A-Okay With Denying Sluts Birth Control…
  flotus files

FLOTUS Less Popular Among White Ladies With Poor Self-Esteem

Women in this country are under a tremendous amount of pressure right now, with scaly old men going out of their way and then some to make sure there is absolutely nothing left in place to prevent their personal “30 Kids and Counting” fantasies from coming true. They are still working on the part where they have to find actual women to do the sexing with them, but in good time, because apparently we are not only a nation of rampant obesity, but also widespread low self-esteem. Well, there is low self-esteem among white people – white women, to be exact, according to a Washington Post Survey which found that “67 percent of black women describe themselves as having high self-esteem, compared with 43 percent of white women.” This same survey also asked women to describe their feelings toward Michelle Obama, to which white women replied, “I do not care for her Bermuda shorts.” Read more on FLOTUS Less Popular Among White Ladies With Poor Self-Esteem…
  new poll proves it

Mere 1% of Americans Can Correctly Identify Nation’s Top Global Enemy

Favored pick “Iran” won this season’s Gallup poll for “America’s Top Enemy” by its highest-ever margin, wow! A full third of Americans picked Iran as their most dreaded bogeyman this year (up from a quarter last year) for, eh, some sort of reason. Perhaps a follow-up “why” question might have been interesting or informative here, pollsters? Nope. Gallup cheated and filled in the essay section on its own without Americans’ help, as may be noted from the conspicuous lack of JEE-HAD and TERRORIZM mentions in their concluding analysis to explain Iran’s ongoing dominance in this award category: “Iran’s continued public announcements of its growing nuclear capabilities, its threats of war with U.S. ally Israel, and the possibility that Iran could disrupt the flow of oil out of the Middle East and further affect domestic oil and gas prices no doubt all contribute to Americans’ negative views of the country.” Hm. Well to be fair, by this logic that we ought to freak out over the country that’s doing the best job of constantly threatening new wars and buying scary new weapons and driving up oil prices, the nation that Americans should really fear most is, ha ha, their own. So what percentage of Americans managed to arrive at this conclusion? (HINT: the headline gives it away.) Read more on Mere 1% of Americans Can Correctly Identify Nation’s Top Global Enemy…
  great moments of complete failure

Pete Hoekstra’s Lie-Filled Racist Ad Surprisingly Unpopular

Admit it, cynical, smug blog reader: You thought that Pete Hoekstra’s Senate ad about “Debbie SpendItNow,” featuring an Asian lady riding a bicycle through Asian rice paddies and taunting Michiganers about how lazy and jobless they are through her cartoonish broken English, would be one of those things where the lamestream media shouted “racist” and “completely offensive” while Hoekstra’s popularity numbers nevertheless rose astronomically as a populist backlash to the lamestream media shouting “racist” and “completely offensive.” You thought there would be an excellent chance of this happening, since nothing good ever happens in American politics. And yet Pete Hoekstra is now comically unpopular! What a world. Read more on Pete Hoekstra’s Lie-Filled Racist Ad Surprisingly Unpopular…
  oh mittens

Today’s Opportunity To Point & Laugh At Mitt Romney: He’s Losing Michigan

Maybe Mitt Romney’s multiple years of screaming for Detroit to go bankrupt as rapidly as possible are becoming a net-negative, pollingwise, or maybe the people of Michigan simply feel that Mitt Romney is a useless lying fraud, as people do everywhere. Whatever the case, he’s now losing badly in his latest “firewall” state, Michigan, where his father was a governor and icon and legend and popular pillar of society for decades. Read more on Today’s Opportunity To Point & Laugh At Mitt Romney: He’s Losing Michigan…
  sigh

One Month Later, Half of U.S. Forgets Iraq War, Wants New War (With Iran)

Oh, so the war in Afghanistan is supposed to end soon-ish, like next year, maybe? Sure, we’ve done a pretty good job leaving that country on the brink of yet another horrifying civil war, NEXT. It is now Iran’s turn to be liberationed! Forty-nine percent of Americans, which for you statistically-minded folk means “probably at least one or even multiple people that you know,” believes the United States should start a preemptive war with Iran despite otherwise appearing in possession of the requisite faculties to breathe, eat, take a shit and respond to basic questions from a pollster that should denote sentience. Kind of weird, right!? Also weird: Americans felt as recently as November of last year (by a two-to-one margin) that other famed preemptive war “the Iraq thing” was a really awful waste of human life, money, human life, human life, time, etc. But HELLO, it is February 2012 already, and the troops are home since December! Which means it is time to send them all back out again. Read more on One Month Later, Half of U.S. Forgets Iraq War, Wants New War (With Iran)…
  good news

Donald Trump Endorsement to Help Mitt Romney Lose Nevada

Ha ha, your editor promised herself to ignore whatever poop that jaundiced lizard Donald Trump decided to squeeze out of his mouth today (Allah love Kaia, she has braved the cesspool). We would just like to share this bit of heartening mid-January poll fun from the Pew Research Center that Political Wire noted on the occasion of Donald Trump’s pointless endorsement of the importance of himself endorsing Mitt Romney: Read more on Donald Trump Endorsement to Help Mitt Romney Lose Nevada…
  visions of america

66% of Americans Cannot Even Guess Approximate Population of USA

What better occasion than the nation’s first caucus/primary thing of 2012 to remember that Americans are mouth-breathing idiots. The new Vanity Fair/CBS survey of U.S. dumbness has been released, and it proves that two-thirds of this nation’s adults have no idea that the population of the USA is approximately 300 million people. You didn’t even need to be correct, just approximate! You could round off the entire population of New York City, or the whole L.A. metropolitan area, and still be “close enough” for the Vanity Fair pollsters. Anyway, 28% of Americans apparently believe there are a billion of us, while 23% believe there are 500 million of us, and 5% live under the happy delusion that there are only 100 million awful Americans on the planet. Read more on 66% of Americans Cannot Even Guess Approximate Population of USA…
  true facts

Hero Iowa Voter Perfectly Describes Newt Gingrich To His Face (VIDEO)

Do you ever wish you had the opportunity to personally inform the Stay-Puft madman Newt Gingrich that he is a “fucking asshole,” to his face? You are not alone! Tom Sorensen of Iowa City shares your dream! So this is exactly what he did, in a grocery store where Newt was stomping around burping his own praises at unsuspecting shoppers. Newt then responded ominously, “luckily, it’s a free country.” FOR NOW, he means. Newt Gingrich’s first act as President will be to open a gulag in the basement of a foreclosed Radio Shack outside Tempe named for its initial occupant, Tom Sorensen. Read more on Hero Iowa Voter Perfectly Describes Newt Gingrich To His Face (VIDEO)…
  new study proves it

70% of America ‘Dreading’ 2012 Presidential Campaign

Ha ha, here is a fun new study that proves everybody would basically like to trade the 2012 presidential election for, say, a massive asteroid strike: Gallup asked voters how jazzed they were for the Obama-Not Romney campaign year, and people basically started weeping and vomiting, simultaneously, into their phones. “Given a choice, 70% of Americans say they can’t wait for the campaign to be over,” the pollsters said. And what about the rest of the people, are they all on Newt Gingrich’s payroll or something? According to Gallup, “26% can’t wait for it to begin.” Who are these people? Because if the 26% of Americans looking forward to the election could be, perhaps, relocated to Mexico or Ghana or someplace quiet, maybe we could just cancel the election. Read more on 70% of America ‘Dreading’ 2012 Presidential Campaign…
  this guy again

Donald Trump Uses Term ‘Joke Candidate’ Without Referring To Self

The media seems to be reporting again that pissy jaundiced toddler Donald Trump has “announced” he is still considering a presidential bid as an independent, a thing he has been doing every couple of weeks ever since he dropped out of the Republican race in order to keep his awful teevee show. Why have the droll rantings of a vile charlatan once more been plucked from the ocean of political background noise to become “headline worthy?” Ha ha, the answer to that is probably a depressing doctoral thesis on American media, but for the moment let’s just say it’s because Donald Trump, cheap talking wig stand, is bizarrely accusing Ron Paul of being a “joke candidate” for possessing enough dignity to refuse to participate in Trump’s joke Republican debate. Read more on Donald Trump Uses Term ‘Joke Candidate’ Without Referring To Self…
  we are not surprised

Herman Cain Is Also Sexist Against Vegetables

As America prepares to give Newt Gingrich his turn at waterboarding its collective unconscious with streams of incessant nonsense the media will for some reason pretend to pay attention to for a couple weeks, men’s fashion zine GQ brings us this late-breaking SCOOP about nearly-forgotten idiot Herman Cain’s political platform on, uh, pizza toppings: “A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.” True words of wisdom! And that line is how we will remember him, now that two national polls have officially declared him a loser who can’t even get through a discussion about pizza toppings without saying something that reminds us he is an awful macho man sex creep. Read more on Herman Cain Is Also Sexist Against Vegetables…
  new study proves it

62% of Americans Morally Unfit For Amoral U.S. Politics

America’s elected officials range from rat-eyed sheriff bullies who mercilessly persecute the various racial minorities to the president, who constantly murders people all over the world and shovels billions of dollars to Wall Street. And yet, a new survey proves that 62% of Americans “say their past would preclude them from running for public office.” Is the entire country made up of necrophiliac pedophiles? No, just 62%. But how do they feel about mail delivery, book readin’, William Henry Harrison, free wi-fi at the coffee shop and the preponderance of Neanderthal genes in modern humans? Thanks to the monthly inane treasure known as the Vanity Fair/CBS News survey of people dumb enough to answer the phone at dinnertime, we now have the answers to these important societal questions. Read more on 62% of Americans Morally Unfit For Amoral U.S. Politics…
  it's like somehow these protests are interesting or something

Almost Twice As Many People Have Heard of Occupy Wall Street As Rick Perry

Americans are so bored with the assortment of bargain bin feces-flingers running for the GOP nomination that — several thousand blathering news cycles and millions of dollars in campaign spending later — only 28% of people can even identify the existence of best-known Republican candidate-clown Rick Perry, because he is terrible and nobody cares about his plans to invade Mexico and dismantle Social Security. A new poll shows that after less than a month of protests and “not millions of dollars,” 23% more Americans have heard of the Wall Street protests than can remember Rick Perry’s name. Plain old popular recognition is not the be-all-end-all of the protests, but still, HA HA: Read more on Almost Twice As Many People Have Heard of Occupy Wall Street As Rick Perry…