Here's a new Gallup poll that shows 60% of Democrats support John McCain, and another 15% do not believe in Elite Math but do live on Neptune. 2% of Democrats have killed themselves and could not answer. [Gallup]
LET US DESCEND: A new Rasmussen poll has Hillary up 56% to 27% in West Virginia, which holds its primary next Tuesday. Aside from all the obvious reasons why the next week will suck, this should be pretty funny: if Hillary's pretending to be slack-jawed Cletus from The Simpsons to win Indiana's votes, in what hilarious ways will she pander to West Virginia? [Rasmussen]
A new CNN poll finds President George W. Bush Jr.'s disapproval rating at 71%. Three cheers and a free bag of Cheetos for our best hated overlord! To put that in perspective: President Nixon's disapproval rating was 67% just before he resigned in 1974; Harry S. Truman's was 66% in January, 1952, after he started a new war and let black and white people fight together in it! Can you imagine? [CNN]
If Hillary Clinton loses the North Carolina primary by less than 15 points, it's basically a win. And if she wins Indiana by a single pledged delegate, that is also a win. Both of these predictions may soon come true! According to new projections by Congressional Quarterly, Clinton will win Indiana in a squeaker — getting 24 district-level delegates to Obama's 23 — even if she really wins it by up to 6% of the popular vote. Or something. Math is hard!
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All right jokers who like to bet on things! Tell us in the comments who will win, and by how many points, and if you are correct we will uh give you something! We will write a post, all about you, and it will feature a photograph of Hillary giving "the shocker." Writey writey! Submit your PROGNOSTICATIONS before 9pm Eastern (because it will take them at least an hour after the polls close to count this garbage) and you too can be famous on the Wonkette, maybe.
It has been six long, terrible weeks since the last primary, and since then Elliot Spitzer resigned for schtupping a hooker, Barack Obama explained to the world why Jeremiah Wright didn't wear a flag pin on his lapel, and Hillary Clinton bombed Bosnia. Because many of you are a little rusty on how these "primary" things work, we've got a few helpful tips for all those dorks who are actually trying to make sense of the poll results today.
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And this is the story of the last six or seven weeks: snipers, Wright, flag pins, Ayers, Bitter, flipping the bird, whatever else consumed the 2-hour news cycle, it's all led to this Pollster aggregation of polls that shows Hillary's once-sizable lead deteriorating into a merely "solid" lead. Nice work, everybody! [Pollster]
Hold on to your panties, Obamatards: since Wednesday night's debate, Barack Obama has lost a point and Hillary Clinton has gained two in the prestigious Zogby Poll. The final nail in the coffin comes from Zogby's own John Zogby: "No ground really gained or lost by either candidate after Wednesday's debate." DOOM DOOM DOOM. [Newsmax/Real Clear Politics]
According to a shocking new poll, nobody trusts Hillary Clinton farther than they could throw her and they would not throw her very far. But her husband says that people who are old and wise, like Bill Clinton, find her very trustworthy indeed because they know the value of a candidate who is a poor public speaker.
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Communist Barack Obama is doing so poorly among the blue collars and home security dads that he is now leading Hillary Clinton by 11 points in the latest Gallup daily tracking poll. It is the largest margin he has held against Clinton this year. Elitist smoker! [Gallup]
Democratic operatives won't have to bring up John McCain's age in the upcoming Presidential campaign — because every American alive already knows that the presumptive Republican nominee is impossibly old, in failing health, and so brain-addled that he thinks proper birth control involves sea sponges and liniment. But will all these factors just remind Americans of Ronald Reagan, America's last demented old President, and lead to a landslide McCain victory in the fall?
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Thanks to her support for Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey is now one of the most reviled women in America. In her presidential endorsement the once-beloved talk show host chose race over gender, thus earning the scorn of millions of old white women who had never before suspected their favorite billionaire media baroness was of the Negro persuasion. Now that the cat's out of the bag, Oprah's popularity has eroded considerably.
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According to some sad professor, America's college freshmen are the dumbest, most vapid bunch of hapless fools in World History. They are so stupid that even the smartest of them — the top 10% of high school graduates with the high SAT scores — believe extraordinary rendition is a "version of a movie or play."
HOLY MOLY did you see the new Washington Times poll and its cutting, investigative discovery? People think politicians are crooked — crooked as a politician, as they say! [WT]
PENNSYLVANIA HATES HILLARY 5% MORE EVERY WEEK: Mrs. Clinton had a 15-point lead over the terrible bowler Barack Obama just three weeks ago. Now she's only got a 5-point lead over Hopeful Barry. By the time Pennsylvania finally has its primary in three weeks, we'll probably be having a war with Iran. [Rasmussen Reports]
Obama's been widening the gap recently in Gallup's daily tracking poll, probably because his opponent's latest strategy for winning is to make everyone hate her more. It's worked before! Once Hillary settles down into the low teens, and Barack polls as the most popular politician in world history, then the superdelegates will have no choice but to hand her the nomination. It's all in the triangulation, people. [Gallup]
After weeks of extensive research, we have at last determined why Alan Keyes won the Constitution Party Straw Poll: because he is a member of this party! That's right, he is no longer a Republican. How long ago did he change parties? Probably about a million years ago, but nobody noticed because this is the story of Alan Keyes' life. He does something vaguely interesting or newsworthy, and several years or months later somebody says "Huh," and goes back to what they were doing. [Conservative Pulse]
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A new Pew poll measures the effects of the Wright scandal on the Democratic race-to-hell. Everyone loved Obama's speech, it seems! Especially these hippies: "In particular, white Democrats who hold unfavorable views of Obama are much more likely than those who have favorable opinions of him to say that equal rights for minorities have been pushed too far; they also are more likely to disapprove of interracial dating, and are more concerned about the threat that immigrants may pose to American values. In addition, nearly a quarter of white Democrats (23%) who hold a negative view of Obama believe he is a Muslim." It is Typical of White People to think these things after Obama's Christian church scandal, however. [Pew]
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