Tag Archives: polls

  Letters from a jilted lover

Bobby Jindal Is Being Bullied By The Gaywads, And He’s Not Gonna Take It Anymore!

Dang, still looks nothing like him.
Bobby Jindal, wingnut governor of Louisiana, is whining in a very public way. Why? Gays. Where? The New York Times. Jindal has penned an op-ed to let everybody know that, unlike those Republican pussies in Arkansas and Indiana, who caved to the unholy alliance of Big Business and Big Sodomy and signed watered-down Religious Freedom Restoration Acts (RFRA’s, as the kids call them on Snapchat) that don’t explicitly allow people with Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs to discriminate against gays and lesbians any old damn way they choose, he will be “holding firm against gay marriage.” In fact, that is the headline of his piece! Show us on the doll where the gays are bullying you, Governor Jindal: Read more on Bobby Jindal Is Being Bullied By The Gaywads, And He’s Not Gonna Take It Anymore!…
  Let's gossip about the week that was!

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People

It's the best day of the week!
Hola, Wonkers, we hope that your Sunday is treating you well. Pull up a chair, for we must now gossip about all the hilarious and CONTROVERSIAL stories that you clicked on the most this week! We thought you would all be super-excited about Marco Rubio running for president, but none of those stories made the top 10, :(. Guess Rubio will never be president now. Also never being President? Hillary Clinton, because none of her stories made the top 10 either! It’s all yours, Rand Paul! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People…
  The kids are all right

Catholic High School Teachers In Gay Trouble

Good way to get out of that Calculus exam.
The kids of Dowling Catholic High School in Des Moines seem pretty cool, for stinky teenagers. They have a substitute teacher they really like, Tyler McCubbin, who is engaged to be married to his boyfriend, in a gay way. Which is legal to do in Iowa. McCubbin was in line for a full-time position at the school, but was rejected because his big gay life, according to the Diocese, “was at odds with Church teaching.” This pissed the students off, so instead of taking it lying down, they decided to stage a walkout: Read more on Catholic High School Teachers In Gay Trouble…
  A nation of suckers

Stupid Americans Still Admire Obama And Clinton The Most, Even Though They Are The Worst

They still love us. Suckers!
Jeez, America, how dumb can you be? You know President Obama is the worst president who ever presidented because the completely not-biased opposing political party keeps telling us so. And yet, because you are SO dumb, America, you insist on liking the guy anyway because you are so dumb like we said: Read more on Stupid Americans Still Admire Obama And Clinton The Most, Even Though They Are The Worst…
  It Could Happen

How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not

The first time I set eyes on Nate Silver, I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone him.
It looks like Republicans are probably going to control the Senate next year despite how people don’t like them, according to Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight blog and other respected nerds. In 2012, Silver famously predicted the winner of every Senate race, which was an impressive achievement for him but so boring for us. It was like finding your Christmas/”holiday” presents early. You’ll go through the motions of unwrapping your Regrets Her Abortion Barbie and Nature Despoiled II: The Warmening For Sega SexBox, but there’s no climax. The moment is flaccid; that is to say, unsuited to penetrating intercourse, never mind entertainment. Read more on How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not…
  dropouts

Kansas Dems Make Dirty Deal to Defeat Pat Roberts By Quitting

pat says please stay chad
Image via video from roberts.senate.gov Kansas Democrats are calculating, power-hungry animals who will stop at nothing in their quest to deny a fourth term in the Senate to kindly old vagabond Pat Roberts. They’ll make deals with anyone as long as it ends in Pat’s defeat, and they would think nothing of engaging in such reprehensible tactics as sending a letter, notarized, to the Kansas Secretary of State, unilaterally withdrawing from the race. Read more on Kansas Dems Make Dirty Deal to Defeat Pat Roberts By Quitting…
  who are these people?

Vegas ‘Investment’ Guy Rolls Dice On Any White Person Liking Obama, Comes Up Snakeyes

Another day, another nail in the coffin of the Worst Presidency Ever. Trustworthy snake oil salesman “investment” guru Wayne Allyn Root has pulled out his figurin’ stick and dropped math all over Barack Obama (sp?) and his record-low poll numbers. You probably thought NBC saying Obama had only a 41 percent approval rating was an indication that Obama has failed to rise above a steep recession, a recalcitrant Congress and an unstable world full of shirtless thugs. You probably thought something measured and shruggy about the Affordable Care Act and its initially sucky website. You looked at a chart of Obama’s poll numbers and thought, “Huh, basically the same as four years ago, before his reelection.” You thought that because you are not a winner, a doer, a closer like Wayne Allyn Root, who writes books and is on the shouty politics radio and the shouty teevee when he is not being a hairstyle consultant to the televangelical community (probably). This guy is so smart that he unskewed a week-old poll number three points lower, because any smart person knows that seasoned, experienced data is better than smartass young millennial data. Here, let’s let the man run his numbers and whitesplain how you Just Don’t Get It because you’re not a real American: Read more on Vegas ‘Investment’ Guy Rolls Dice On Any White Person Liking Obama, Comes Up Snakeyes…
  bite the ballot

Send Us Your Anecdotal Reports Of Isolated Voting-Day Irregularities, America!

We’re completely certain that this tweet from Col. Morris Davis is an isolated incident of a minor technological glitch. Has to be, right? Davis was sure it was only a glitch, but also thought it was a good reminder to voters that they should double-check before pressing “submit.” Wonder how a nice strict Voter ID law would keep this sort of thing from happening? Read more on Send Us Your Anecdotal Reports Of Isolated Voting-Day Irregularities, America!…
  the content of their 140 characters

Poll Suggests Ari Fleischer’s Nifty Twitter Conspiracy Theory Just Might Catch On Among Republican Voters

For about an hour the other day, former George W. Bush spokesman Ari Fleisher had himself a nice case of righteous indignation when he thought he saw something nasty in the Twittershed: Could it be, he asked, that Barack Obama got special privileges on the Twitter box? Turns out that Fleischer was kinda sorta just plain wrong — he’d copypasted the POTUStweet into another document and included the “@BarackObama” part, and then went and had a very embarrassing Public Huff. Read more on Poll Suggests Ari Fleischer’s Nifty Twitter Conspiracy Theory Just Might Catch On Among Republican Voters…
  Nice Time For Congress

Congratulations, Congress! Americans Hate You Slightly Less Now

You know how everyone pretty much hates Congress? True story! A PPP poll in January found Congress less popular than root canals, head lice, cockroaches, and, worst of all, Nickelback. Maybe it is because this particular Congress is on track to be the laziest sack of Congress EVAH! Maybe it is because when Congress does bother rolling out of bed in the afternoon to show up for work, it wastes time on stuff like IRSfauxghazigate and cutting food stamps because screw them poors, and House Republicans can’t stop trying to repeal Obamacare eleventeen thousand times. But the times, they are a-changin’, and a new Gallup poll shows that, well, Americans still hate Congress — A LOT — but slightly less. Read more on Congratulations, Congress! Americans Hate You Slightly Less Now…
  then he ate all the tourists

Chris Christie Gobbling Up Federal Sandy Muneez To Make Commercials Starring Him

Chris Christie has released his first wave of campaign ads for the 2016 presidential elections! Oh no wait, no, these are not campaign ads, they are Jersey Shore tourism ads, can’t you tell? They are public service ads to promote tourism! Because everybody wants to go to a beach full of Chris Christies. That’s why it is totally okay for Christie to spend $4.7 million from Hurricane Sandy relief money with some PR firm called MWW — which happens to be $2 million MORE than another bid — on shameless self-promotion, or, as the always yelling Christie yells it, this selfless effort to promote tourism. These particular ads also cost more because they had Christie starring in them. Read more on Chris Christie Gobbling Up Federal Sandy Muneez To Make Commercials Starring Him…
  Why Would The IRS think Tea Party Groups Are Campaigning?

Sarah Palin Leads ‘Not Sure’ By 8 Points For 2014 Alaska Senate Race

So what if she’s not actually running (yet), and maybe she spends most of her time in Arizona these days, but if she wants the job, a new poll shows bitter quitter Sarah Palin leading the contenders for the 2014 GOP Senate nomination in Alaska. The poll, sponsored by some Tea Party fan fiction club dedicated to “Senator Sarah Palin” fantasies, gave grizzly grandma 32% support, while Lt. Gov. Mead Treadwell got 30%. 2010 GOP Senate nominee Joe Miller got a whopping 14% of support, and at this early stage, 24% of respondents answered “Not Sure.” We can hardly wait until Palin accuses this Not Sure dude of wanting to take away your guns! Read more on Sarah Palin Leads ‘Not Sure’ By 8 Points For 2014 Alaska Senate Race…
  U.S. Americans need more maps

GOP to Impeach Obama for Benghazi Just as Soon as They Can Find It On Map

Are you sick and tired of hearing about how Benghazi is worse than Watergate and 9/11 and the Holocaust and socialized health care? Of course you are — just like the majority of voters. Public Policy Polling asked questions, all scientific-like, and found out most people think that yes, Congress should stop publicly masturbating to its own conspiracy theories and maybe get a new hobby such as “immigration reform” or “passing new background checks for gun purchases.” But — sad trombone — the poll also shows that 41% of Republicans would agree with the statement that there has never been a worse political scandal in American history. Who wants to guess how many of these hysterics can locate Benghazi on a map? Read more on GOP to Impeach Obama for Benghazi Just as Soon as They Can Find It On Map…
  let's try this again

Hillary Clinton Elected President of Running for President in 2016

The votes are in: 51% of American voters have said in a poll that Hillary Clinton will run for president in 2016. Your Wonkette probably would have skipped the effort and just polled Hillary Clinton on whether she will run for president in 2016, but it is tradition in political journalism to first consult three hundred million people who have no idea what they are talking about for an opinion before eventually/never consulting the one who does. But okay, we hear you, America. No one misses the 2008 election more than your Wonkette. Read more on Hillary Clinton Elected President of Running for President in 2016…
  I should be allowed to glue my poster

Good News: Most Americans Reject Conspiracy Theories! Bad News: A Big Chunk Of Americans Believe Them!

So, how should we react when a poll shows that over a third of Republicans and independents say they “believe that a secretive power elite with a globalist agenda is conspiring to eventually rule the world through an authoritarian world government, or New World Order”? (When you factor in the 15% of Democrats who fear the black helicopters, the total comes down to 28% overall.) Should we worry that nearly a third of the electorate seems unhinged, or should we take comfort that the vast majority of Americans won’t even notice the FEMA camps Our Glorious Leader is setting up, or should we just roll our eyes and remind ourselves that you can get about 10% of people to answer “yes” to just about any damnfool question? Since we’re in a hopeful mood today, we’re going to see the glass as 2/3 full of sanity. Maybe. Read more on Good News: Most Americans Reject Conspiracy Theories! Bad News: A Big Chunk Of Americans Believe Them!…
  irresponsible not to speculate

Fox News Pointing Out, Un-Pointing Out Hillary Clinton’s Obvious Facelift

Today on Fox News, Steve Doocy’s floating head was forced to say words about Hillary Clinton’s possible run for President in 2016, because you know, get the fear out while it’s hot, BENGHAZIIIII!!! And just what could make him think she is doing this most of all? Well, according to Steve Doocy at first, it was because there is a picture on a new website that makes him think she looks like she got a facelift? for her run at the highest job in the land. Because that is what a lady has to do. Rick Santorum can run with just any old face he wants, even HIS, and that is okay, but a lady must look pretty if she thinks people are going to look at her and let her be the boss of them. But THEN Media Matters and maybe some other people wrote that he said this thing, and Steve turned to his twitter machine to call those lefty blogs out, for explaining reality! Read more on Fox News Pointing Out, Un-Pointing Out Hillary Clinton’s Obvious Facelift…
  what about satan?

Cheer Up Congress, At Least You Are More Popular Than That Dude Who Knocked Up Rielle Hunter

Waah, everyone hates Congress, just because it is filled with adult babies who have managed to hold 1,237 votes on repealing Obamacare and outlawing abortion, but couldn’t manage to find time to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act, because Eric Cantor hates Native American women (thanks to “Elizabeth Warren,” probably). So Public Policy Polling released the results of its head-to-head match-ups of “Congress” vs. things like “head lice” and “Nickelback,” and Twitter was very pleased to announce that people love lice and Nickelback more than they love Congress. But we think they are seeing the glass as half-empty of carbolic acid, when it should be half-full of carbolic acid! Let us discover, together, the people and vermin who are less popular than Congress. Read more on Cheer Up Congress, At Least You Are More Popular Than That Dude Who Knocked Up Rielle Hunter…
  begun these nerd wars have

Without Gallup’s Crappy Polls, Nate Silver Is Nothing, Says Gallup

One of the “fun” things about presidential elections is that every four years there’s a new dumb thing about the process for political junkies to yell at each other about despite the disinterest or genuine disgust of normals, and this year it’s polling! Did Nate Silver’s devil-math suck all the fun out of democracy, forever? Were the polls skewed because they didn’t reflect Republican understanding of reality? Were Gallup and Rasmussen “in the tank” for Republicans? Well, Gallup Editor-in-Chief Frank Newport has decided to weigh in on this controversy, and would like you to know that (a) Gallup was not wrong, because it abruptly stopped picking Romney to win by 7 points several days before the election, and (b) Nate Silver is a parasitic remora clinging to the great white shark that is Gallup and if everyone gets into the Nate Silver business the whole polling industry will collapse, and then we’ll have no polling at all, and then we’ll be sorry! Read more on Without Gallup’s Crappy Polls, Nate Silver Is Nothing, Says Gallup…
  trigger warning: schadenfreude

Come, Drink In Delusional Mitt Romney’s Election-Night Sadness With Us

Oh boy, we have now reached our favorite part of the election cycle: the end! It’s great because (a) the stressful part is over and (b) all the low-level staffers for both campaigns start telling secrets to the reporters that they most want to sleep with. And so it was that the lucky folks at CBS, America’s old-person network, got the scoop on the tragic emotional landscape of the Romney-Ryan campaign’s final night, when everyone’s sincere belief in their inevitable victory ran head-first into reality. Join us for a gleefully annotated summary, after the jump! Read more on Come, Drink In Delusional Mitt Romney’s Election-Night Sadness With Us…
  first they came for the truthers

NRO Weeps For America’s New Oppressed Minority: Poll Truthers

After a month or so of really kind of absurd arguments that every poll in existence was skewed because of liberalism and Nate Silver being a big gay homosexual, we have now come full circle: Jim Geraghty at the National Review has decided that those who criticize morons are basically calling them racists. So a lot of people who don’t read me that closely are going to look at what follows and interpret it as “Jim’s saying the polls are always wrong.” That’s not what I’m saying, but I’m prefacing all of this with that prediction, because we’ve all seen that when people don’t like what you have to say, they attempt to cut off discussion by calling you insane or silly. Sneering “truther” in response to a disagreement from the conventional wisdom is almost as worn out as “racist.” Geraghty then proceeds to argue that polls are probably always wrong, which is a totally different argument that his first sentence completely negates. But what about the fact that bold truth-teller Jimmy is basically being called a racist just because he’s kind of innumerate and hackish? Read more on NRO Weeps For America’s New Oppressed Minority: Poll Truthers…
  ordinary citizens such as you

New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)

OH CRAP ROMNEY’S AHEAD BY TWO POINTS IN THE LATEST AP POLL AND THE LADIES ALL LOVE HIM NOW TIME TO FREAK OUT??? No, don’t worry, libs, your math and numbers boyfriend Nate Silver still has Barry with a 70% chance of winning (and also offers soothing words about how the media specifically pays attention to outlier polls, which makes for a misleading picture). But! The AP poll does contain some delightful quotes from ordinary Americans and other little details that seem, well, kind of hilarious? Not on purpose? Join us for a children’s treasury, after the jump. Read more on New AP Poll: Americans Are Dumb And Petty, Like Always (And Also Romney Is Winning)…