Tag Archives: polling

  A nation of suckers

Stupid Americans Still Admire Obama And Clinton The Most, Even Though They Are The Worst

They still love us. Suckers!
Jeez, America, how dumb can you be? You know President Obama is the worst president who ever presidented because the completely not-biased opposing political party keeps telling us so. And yet, because you are SO dumb, America, you insist on liking the guy anyway because you are so dumb like we said: Read more on Stupid Americans Still Admire Obama And Clinton The Most, Even Though They Are The Worst…
  Generic Democrat is a True Patriot

How Will Republicans Bungle Away Their New 49-47 Generic Ballot Polling Advantage?

Don’t worry about this recent poll that shows Generic Republican leading Generic Democrat in Generic Congressional race 49% to 47%. Never mind that Democrats were 8 points clear in this poll just last month, probably due to the time Obama personally barricaded all the national parks with heaps of dead veterans and bald eagles. Americans have a lot going on! They sometimes forget that they support social insurance, abortion rights, gay marriage, immigration reform, gun control, alternative energy, cute puppies, and higher taxes on the wealthy. It’s all a bit depressing, but don’t swallow that fistful of Seconal just yet, because here are five ways Republicans could blow it all. Place your bets! Read more on How Will Republicans Bungle Away Their New 49-47 Generic Ballot Polling Advantage?…
  What If I Talk Like This?

Study: Republicans Oppose ‘Assisted Suicide,’ Cool With ‘Painless End Of Life’

Look, Democrats have a lot going for them right now. There’s our “flashy” President B. Barry Bamz and his healthcare law that can’t possibly be as bad as Republicans have spent the last half a decade derping that it will be, so expectations managed there; the country’s suddenly a lot cooler with gay folks, pot smoking, all that good shit; the proponents of austerity have self-discredited; and looking into the future, there appears to be only one “titanic” Republican who could conceivably win the presidency in 2016, except his record of being relatively sane means he probably can’t win the primary. So there is really no reason for all us liberals to be assholes about a recent Gallup poll that found Republicans are significantly more likely than Democrats to give different answers to the same question depending on how the question is worded. Read more on Study: Republicans Oppose ‘Assisted Suicide,’ Cool With ‘Painless End Of Life’…
  the pull-out method

Pollster To O’Reilly: Romney Is So Far Ahead In Invisible Polls That I Quit

David Paleologos, director of polling at Suffolk University, has “pulled” his pollsters out of Florida, North Carolina and Virginia because it is simply impossible for Barack Obama to win. Paleologos said the movement towards Romney in the three states was “overwhelming.” Obama was in particular trouble in Florida, where even before last week’s presidential debate he was only up by 46 percent to 43 percent over Romney. He described that as “a poor place to be” for an incumbent, adding that supporters of 10 fringe candidates on the ballot in the Sunshine State overwhelmingly had Romney as their second choice, meaning they were likely to vote for him if they did not want to waste their vote. Wait, huh? Homeboy is going to stop polling because Obama wasn’t up by enough? Are you even allowed to do that under the Pollster Code? Read more on Pollster To O’Reilly: Romney Is So Far Ahead In Invisible Polls That I Quit…
  start drinking

New Poll: Majority of North Carolina Voters More Idiotic Than Previously Thought

Your Wonkette editor was happily trawling polling data on her Friday afternoon — how else do you get a wild weekend started — when she belatedly noticed a fun head-scratcher in a recent Public Policy Polling item about the upcoming vote on North Carolina’s Amendment One, which would add a ban on same-sex marriage and civil unions to the state constitution. Ready for what the polling revealed? You may need to read this twice: “55% of voters in the state support some form of legal recognition for gay couples in the form of either marriage or civil unions to only 41% completely opposed. But at the same time 55% of voters plan to support the amendment that would prohibit any legal recognition for same sex couples while only 41% are opposed.” Did you notice that, how the second thing does not seem to follow from the first? Why is this? Do not think any harder than the majority of North Carolinians about the answer. Read more on New Poll: Majority of North Carolina Voters More Idiotic Than Previously Thought…
  mind the gap

Herman Cain: Ladies Be Stupid (VIDEO!)

Oh this is fun! For months the GOP has been sending special email lovenotes to Your Wonkette regarding how Romney is totally kicking Obama’s ass among Gyno-Americans, which is weird? Because Romney is actually down among women by 18, 19, or 437 percent, depending on who is doing the counting? (They have stopped sending those emails, because it was getting too pathetic even for them we guess.) But now noted ladykiller Herman Cain has Acknowledged the sad truth that the GOP is having a hard time because the womyn just will not shut their damn mouths even after the Republicans warned them! Anyway, here is how Ol’ Herb explains and dismisses the hilarious gender gap (hint: it is because women are stupid!): But if you look at [Obama’s] policies, which is what most people disagree with, it’s a different story. And I think many men are much more familiar with the failed policies than a lot of other people, as well as the general public. Read more on Herman Cain: Ladies Be Stupid (VIDEO!)…
  important polling topix

God Gets Only Slightly Higher Job Approval Ratings Than Obama

Whatever God is up to these days — forwarding spam emails to the Pope, watching Sex and the City reruns, filling up NFL fan message boards with gripes about the players’ lockout under His “RickPerryIsAGoon” handle — only earns Him the job approval stamp from 52% of Americans. That is not so bad for a retired guy? Meanwhile, loser Barack Obama is only slightly behind with his 45% approval ratings, because he at least shows up for work. Read more on God Gets Only Slightly Higher Job Approval Ratings Than Obama…
  dogs hate cats

Most Americans Back Tax-Cut Deal Most Americans Hate

Most Americans think tax cuts for the rich should not expire, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll. But also, according to a poll, one cited often by Democrats in the tax cut debate, most Americans think tax cuts for the rich should expire. So there you have it! Americans have no idea what is going on; they only respond to the questions they are asked by some pollster when they are trying to pour a Wendy’s Frosty onto their microwave meatloaf family dinner, and those responses still have to be framed in some way to make a story. Somehow, only 11 percent of those polled in this Washington Post-ABC News deal agree with all four of “the deal’s primary tax provisions.” Yet 69 percent of Americans are said to “support” the plan. They have stood their ground, as Dana Milbank would say. Read more on Most Americans Back Tax-Cut Deal Most Americans Hate…
  just kill yourselves

Inane Washington Post Polls Stewart/Colbert Presidential Election

Seeing as it was just days away from the midterms, people who do polling seriously and for a living decided it was high time they collect some numbers on the most important election happening this campaign season. And that election, of course, is a U.S. presidential election pitting Comedy Central characters Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert against one another. Major news businesses the Washington Post and ABC News put all their profits together to commission this very significant poll, and surely the respondents were eager to have ten minutes stolen from their lives to consider which of these two individuals they would vote for in this teevee comedian presidential election that will be happening any day. “With one in three still up for grabs (mainly undecided), both Comedy Central funnymen may have a great chance to pick up support at their dueling rallies on the National Mall,” a Post journalist wrote, PROPHETICALLY and IN FULL UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT A COMEDIAN IS. Read more on Inane Washington Post Polls Stewart/Colbert Presidential Election…
  this is why we don't answer our phones

Fickle Alaskans Reject Ice Princess Palin For Even Creepier Mitt Romney

Alaskans: worst people in the world, or worstest people? These are the same people who were blessed with 18 or so glorious months with Sarah Palin as their governor, 18 months comprising the very best period of time that they or any other humans will ever experience. Now they are being teased with the prospect that all of America will bask in this radiance, as Sarah Palin runs for president in 2012. And yet, like selfish, drunken, federal-teat-suckling bastards, they refuse to share the Palinosity with the rest of us, instead threatening to foist Mitt Romney on the world instead. Read more on Fickle Alaskans Reject Ice Princess Palin For Even Creepier Mitt Romney…
  what's that majority? you say you wanna kill jews?

Majority of a Population Can Never Be Bigoted, According To Member of Majority Charles Krauthammer

Oh those libruls! They are losing power very quickly, yet they continue to take positions against majority opinion when that opinion is bigoted. How dare they say support of the Arizona immigration law is bigoted?! How dare they say support of Proposition 8 is bigoted?! How dare they say opposition to the Burlington Coat Factory Islamic community center is bigoted?! Oh, right, because those things are the very definition of bigotry. But according to Charles Krauthammer, views held by a majority cannot be considered bigotry. Sounds like somebody forgot to take his history-remembering pills this morning. Read more on Majority of a Population Can Never Be Bigoted, According To Member of Majority Charles Krauthammer…
  oh no we can't stand to see him lose another one

Poll Data On All Top 2012 Presidential Candidates Collected, Including Presumptive GOP Nominee Basil Marceaux

Public Policy Polling has released some important figures: polling on all major potential 2012 patriot presidential candidates and how they all stack up against MaoBama. Let’s see, we’ve got Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Chris Christie. Oh, and Basil Marceaux. Yep, that’s probably what the field will look like. (Haha, Tim and Bobby!) We won’t make you hit the jump to see the results of the Marceaux-Obama match-up, because that dream showdown is the most likely to occur. It turns out Basil would currently only receive 21% of the vote against Obama. So just give Obama his second term, because that’s a substantial lead. Hooray, socialism lives! Oh no, traffic-stop slavery continues. Read more on Poll Data On All Top 2012 Presidential Candidates Collected, Including Presumptive GOP Nominee Basil Marceaux…
  non serviam!

Who Knew They Even *Had* Kenyan Birth Certificates In Hell??

Guess what Satanists? The honeymoon period is OVER and your Barack Obama is now going to actually have to work to manipulate crucial “swing voters” and “independents” and “actual human adult retards” that he has no plans to involve our troops in another war… against JESUS CHRIST!! This is no longer a given. [The Washington Independent] Read more on Who Knew They Even *Had* Kenyan Birth Certificates In Hell??…
  dork wars

Nate Silver Cussed Out By Angry Wingnut

Wow! One might have guessed, given his charmingly nerdsome appearance and general blinky “how do I translate from numbers into English?” mannerisms that Nate Silver would be somewhat conflict averse. But no man he BRINGS IT. He interviewed some guy who commissioned a Zogby poll that proved, factually, that Obama voters are all a bunch of ignorant black Muslims. There’s even a YouTube to prove it! Anyhow Silver called up this very shirty gentleman John Ziegler to discuss his survey methods. Ziegler called him a pinhead and said many hilariously nasty things. Read more on Nate Silver Cussed Out By Angry Wingnut…
  polling shocker

Rove’s Electoral Projections Were Realistic-ish!

Nobody quite knew what to make of Karl Rove’s very aggressive election night projections, but it seemed safe to conclude that he was trying to mess with Barack Obama in a very sinister and subtle way. People feared that Rove’s projection of 338 electoral votes set the bar too high, so that if Obama won narrowly he would look “illegitimate.” And if Obama lost, he would really look like a loser. Read more on Rove’s Electoral Projections Were Realistic-ish!…