First there was Terry Moran’s Twitter. Yesterday, TMZ brought us audio. And here, for your masturbation purposes, is videographic footage of Barack Obama calling ex-college student Kanye West a “jackass” for what he did during that “perfectly nice woman”’s music video award speech, on teevee. Ben Smith found this clip first and posted it, but then, OH WHAT HAPPENED HERE hmm?: “UPDATE: Not so much: Wiser heads than mine at POLITICO made the call to take down the video of the ‘jackass’ moment. Sorry about the tease if you missed it.” Fortunately CNN’s Rick Sanchez stole it just in time! So… when do we get to see a video of Obama calling Jim VandeHei and John Harris “kiss-asses”? [YouTube, Ben Smith]

Now it is official, as Mike Huckabee — the famous ex-fat person whose chief economic proposal as a presidential candidate was to institute a sales tax of 25%, something he read in some book — hath decreed it. And this is a great example of it! The Politico, ostensibly a journalism outlet of the future, is just cold transcribin’ this random guy’s bitter rants about an industry that constantly makes fun of him for being stupid. [Politico]

• Would you people please subscribe to Atlantic Monthly so the editors don’t regret putting that year-old Andrew Sullivan email to George W. Bush on the cover? [Daily Dish]
• Just like the DC Madame, Christoper Kelly weighed his options. Should he cooperate with the authorities and maybe serve a little jail time? Or should he park his car in a lumber yard, and kill himself? Life is fun and stuff but honestly, knowing possibly incriminating things about Rod Blagojevich was just a burden too heavy to bare. [Huffington Post]
• Support the Fightin’ Four! (Don’t.) [RedState]
• Politico, keeping with its blatant “Flat Earth Society” bias, continues to proudly peddle multifarious Cheneyisms, including the classic, “Al-Qaeda and Saddam Hussein were members of the same World of Warcraft guild”. [Matt Yglesias]
• If Noah hadn’t made his fancy Ark and saved humanity, Darwin and his silly theory would have never come to pass. Oh the cruel irony! [The Daily Dish]

Oh dear: Rep. Patrick McHenry (R-NC) has apparently read The POLITICO’s major investigative breaking news scoop about Obama’s “czars.” He thinks Obama should keep Russian oligarchs OUT of our schools and hospitals, and McHenry would like these czars to divulge their responsibilities to Congress. All 30 of them. Or all 44 of them, if there are 44. However many czars there are, that’s how many should be begging Patrick McHenry to not send them back on a trans-Atlantic steamship to the Hermitage whence they came. MORE »

Now. What does this headline even mean? Politico invented a list of 31 “czars” in the Obama administration, and then decided that this is a huge problem for the White House, having these 31 czars. There was such a revolt against czars that Van Jones had to be fired, for being one of the czars! This is the current hottest story in politics, maybe ever, did you know? MORE »

The health care debate’s fifteen minutes are finally, finally up. Ugh, do you even remember all that? Anyway, Obama will now solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, America’s original synonym for “unable to be fixed with one swift gesture.” Obama’s (alleged!) new peace plan includes TEN swift gestures, which he will (allegedly!) present at a peace conference in Egypt at the end of the month. This does not leave much time for every person on Earth to begin absolutely despising each clause of the hated plan for quasi-personal reasons of varying legitimacy! Let’s begin immediately. MORE »

Politico fiend Mike Allen is going insane about an upcoming piece from the Washington Post’s very very serious conservative columnist George Will, in which he will offer the “startling recommendation” that maybe our government should end that other Middle East war it started ten million years ago. Choose your own reaction! (1) Who cares what mean old George Will says about anything? (2) Hooray for George Will! You take that stand, George! (3) Ha ha, “pull-out.” [Politico]

Man, are we embarrassed. We have no excuse and can only hope that you accept our apology. In a previous Wonkette post about a b-list columnist’s take on the important issue of our time, we incorrectly referred to health care reform as, in part, a “moral” issue, for everyone. Had we done our research, we would have known that every expert and scientist had quashed this argument years ago. We thank the very thorough Politico for bringing this fact to light: “And this week, [Barack Obama] returned to an argument Democratic strategists said shouldn’t be part of the pitch this year — trying to convince Americans they have a ‘moral obligation’ to help people without insurance, a discredited argument from the reform effort under President Bill Clinton.” There are so many real, important arguments in this reform effort — would the House plan mandate euthanasia for old people, would Stephen Hawking have to leave America to escape the brownshirts, etc. — that we shouldn’t be wasting any of our time reiterating the previously discredited ones. [Daily Dish]

Pulitzer, anyone? Here is the entirety of the most important news story ever written by a human reporter since Watergate, times the Pentagon Papers, divided by the untold story of 9/11, times a million, minus Martha Gellhorn: MORE »

Cryptofascist warblog The Politico has won the long weekend (and, by retroactive default, the Revolutionary War) with their crucial SCOOP on Obama’s weird obsession with pronouncing proper nouns—names of places he’s visiting, names of people he’s speaking to, that sort of thing—in the way in which they are actually intended to be pronounced. Quoth Politico’s Carol “Robert” E. Lee:  “In Obama’s view, pronouncing someone’s name or hometown correctly is a simple way of showing respect.” This is called Obamanomics, and it’s foreclosing America’s jobs. MORE »

[LINK BAN OFF, their trolling has won this battle] Local Internet site The Politico has written “one of those stories they write,” oh boy. Barack Obama is terrible! “Call it the politics of personal perfection. The Barack Obama brand is as much about being a personal example to the nation as it is about being a political figure. But the danger of that frothy mix of glamour and domesticity is that President Obama could become in the public mind something he never sought to be: the Martha Stewart of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. And political veterans say the fine line between what’s inspiring and what’s annoying can be difficult to spot in advance.” Here are their stories. MORE »