Wonkette

WELCOME TO MY HOME PAGE: Happy First Birthday, The Politico! (And next time you put up a front-page link celebrating how web-savvy you are, maybe you could warn us that “html” page is secretly a giant PDF file that’s going to open up Adobe Reader and maybe crash our browser. Thanks!)

Hey look fellas, Johnny “I motivate people by talking about insurance companies” Edwards has won the New Hampshire town elections! Wait — how can 100% of precincts be reporting? Isn’t this election supposed to go on for a while, like at least several more years? Something here smells like bullshit… and this Politico results map is also false. Although Hillary’s 5.9% seems just a tetch too REAL. Anyway, what else is going on in Manch Vegas today? MORE »

Aha! This morning in New Hampshire, Hillary’s entire campaign strategy became clear: If the whole inevitability theme breaks down in an Iowa loss, then you start answering unrehearsed questions. It’s that newfangled “humanizing” angle that worked so well for the Kenyan guy, see? MORE »

Politico reports this morning that Mike Huckabee accepted $52,000 in speaking fees from research centers that perform all kinds of anti-Jesusery, like embryonic stem cell research and birth control. Now that’s an outrage! I thought he was only supposed to speak to those with whom he agreed. It’s almost like, if he became president, he’d allow citizens who use birth control to be part of the country! [Politico]

Despite his blossoming presidential bid, it looks like the Huckster’s still earning money by working the speaking circuit, Politico reported yesterday. This morning, CNN pretended it was their story and reported it all over again, but they didn’t get to talk to the charming Mr. Huck on this second go-round. MORE »

Senate Demrats are working overtime during Congress’ month-long winter recess, because if they don’t, Bush will appoint all kinds of Crazy to all sorts of important positions sans approval. Not that the fetus-eating Demrats would be celebrating a good Christian holiday like Christmas anyway, so they have plenty of time to go in, bang the gavel, maybe take a shit on paid time, and leave. No, seriously, that’s pretty much what’s happening. MORE »

This Larry Craig guy. First he’s able to elude that embarrassing recant on his pledge to resign, then he dodges those Ethics Committee hearings McConnell told us we’d get, then EIGHT MEN relate their stories of gay sex with this hypocrite, and where does it bring him today? To the White House as an official guest for a signing ceremony. [Pause, so as to consider]. Larry Craig is the best politician of our era. MORE »

Judy Rose, a volunteer Iowa coordinator for Hillary Clinton’s campaign, has resigned after sending out an e-mail suggesting Barack Obama is a Muslim out to destroy the United States. “Let us all remain alert concerning Obama’s expected presidential candidacy,” reads the e-mail. MORE »

Old man Politico sure is concerned about those Hill staffers not getting their holiday parties, what with damnable new ethics laws poisoning the egg nog. Le sigh. But hey, who are those sexy looking “staffers” in the accompanying photo? MORE »

CNN will partner with the Los Angeles Times and Politico to put on the last two debates of the primary season — Republicans on Jan. 30 and Demrats on Jan. 31 in LA, right before Super Tubersday. So if giving CNN yet another chance to screw up major debates is the first mistake, then allowing Wolf Blitzer to moderate one of them (Anderson Cooper the other, meh) is the second, third and fourth mistakes. It’s also interesting that CNN would partner with the LA Times, which called them the “Corrupt News Network” over the weekend. MORE »

Fred Thompson’s “own aides and advisers acknowledge privately that there are days when he seems disinterested in running for president at all,” reports Politico. No shit, but how does one explain this: “Indeed, the opportunity to talk substance may be the only thing that’s keeping him in the race” (emphasis ours). And the American people need to know what only Thompson knows: Our wide-mouth bass have crossed into new rivers and er tukking er jobs!! [Politico]

Hillary Clinton had a run-in with Code Pink — the lefty protest group whose previous hits include going batshit in Condi’s grill and fucking around with Politico — at a campaign stop yesterday, and she heckled back! Briefly and tersely! Barack Obama probs would’ve like, hugged the protester, because he’s all soft and babyish and stuff. Check it out in the above clip from this morning’s Fox & Friends, at the end of which one of the hosts says, “I would be for tasing anyone in Code Pink.” Meh, it would be more fun to just tase Andrew Meyer again. [via Raw Story]

“Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) plans to take to the floor of the House Tuesday and introduce a privileged resolution to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. The privilege approach allows him to circumvent Democratic leadership, which opposes voting on the measure.” [Politico]