Wonkette

COMMENTERS ARE RUINING THE WORLD: Not you people, of course. We mean everybody else. Here’s Daniel Libit’s Politico story about the Age of Wacky Commenters, featuring some friendly words from your editor. [Politico]

Here is 800-year-old columnist Bob Novak, the Last Scion of Bilbo Baggins, talking to the local teevee news after hitting some guy with his car and then speeding away, only to be captured. Isn’t it HMM COINCIDENTAL that a Politico reporter happened to be walking by the incident? Here’s the “new truth:” Politico and Bob Novak thought that this was Ron Paul, this pedestrian, and they were trying to kill him for the second day in a row. HE DOES NOT HAVE MUCH LONGER. DR PAUL ES MARTYR. [YouTube via Think Progress]

We were just enjoying this Politico story about how Matt Drudge hearts Barack Obama and this is Reason #2,098,388 why John McCain won’t be president. And then, just as we clicked for the next page, we had a brief glance at the world’s most insane, perfect blog comment in America’s long stupid history of blog comments. Really. Come see. MORE »

The Politico’s Democratic blogger Ben Smith is now simply “The Politico,” if this front page is any indication. Jesus, I know I’ve linked to him twice already today. And just who the hell does this “Carrie Budoff Brown” think she is, keeping a whole byline for herself? [Politico]

People who have no lives recently discovered that Michelle Obama’s senior thesis had been “withdrawn” from the Princeton library until after the general election. How peculiar, these same terrible people wondered. The wait, however, ended recently when the Obama campaign sent Politico a copy of the 1985 thesis, titled “Princeton-Educated Blacks and the Black Community.” From the excerpts Politico features, it seems like a brilliant, personal analysis of the struggle to preserve, or disregard, “black identity” in a largely conservative, white environment (Princeton). So what are the terrible ways that the Republicans will use this college paper during the general election? MORE »

This weekend, the Republican National Committee held its “winter retreat” in the woodlands of the Pacific coast, also known as Los Angeles’ Beverly Wilshire Hotel. Karl Rove was there, as was the guy who runs the RNC… [checks Wikipedia]… Robert Duncan. While they all agreed that Hillary Clinton would be easily beatable, because she’s a Rodham, they had fun devising “main strategic attacks” for a Barack Obama nomination. What five points did they outline in their Power Point presentation, and what does each mean? A Wonkette Chart(tm) explains all, after the jump. MORE »

*THAT CHELSEA IS GOING PLACES:* Mute mercenary-child Chelsea Clinton “has been calling uncommitted superdelegates to seek their support,” according to Politico’s Ben Smith. But is it for her mom’s campaign or her own planned run in 2024? I bet she’ll have all sorts of new tax credit micro-reform ideas by then! It’s the Clinton Way(TM). [Ben Smith]

… but not to a candidate. Gotcha! Instead he endorsed gay marriage, or announced he supports it, or however you say it. All of a sudden those jokes about Gore being a big gay man from like, what, 1999, are coming back. So here’s a perfunctory “Hey, look how gay Al Gore is” line. Anyway, when are we getting that hyped candidate endorsement, big guy? [Politico]

WELCOME TO MY HOME PAGE: Happy First Birthday, The Politico! (And next time you put up a front-page link celebrating how web-savvy you are, maybe you could warn us that “html” page is secretly a giant PDF file that’s going to open up Adobe Reader and maybe crash our browser. Thanks!)

Hey look fellas, Johnny “I motivate people by talking about insurance companies” Edwards has won the New Hampshire town elections! Wait — how can 100% of precincts be reporting? Isn’t this election supposed to go on for a while, like at least several more years? Something here smells like bullshit… and this Politico results map is also false. Although Hillary’s 5.9% seems just a tetch too REAL. Anyway, what else is going on in Manch Vegas today? MORE »