politico
Which Part Of Politico Are You Most Excited To Pay To Read?
Last week, we went to a thing called “How to Monetize Content on the Internet” that was hilariously useless. The four men (because duh) on the panel each had a minimum of like 20 million unique users per month, so they did not have any actual advice for people with puny 500,000-person monthly readerships. Also, [...]
New York Times Lady Boss Still Not Allowed To Be As Big A Dick As The Man Bosses
Everyone is mad at Politico again, just because media reporter Dylan Byers wrote a story about how Everyone Hates Jill Abramson, executive editor of the New York Times. Like, after she talks to people they break things and punch holes in the walls, that is how big an asshole she is! (Get it? It’s funny, [...]
Bob Woodward Hereby Sentenced To Remedial Journalism School For Treason To The Fourth Estate
When you are saying what we are saying, right up there in the headline what you just read, and which is that journamalism hero and staple of J-school classes but everywhere Bob Woodward is a worse hack than Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Little Goebbels sextivist James O’Keefe and Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s very own Friend of Hamas [...]
FishbowlDC Manages Not To Libel Anyone In Story On Color Of Joe Scarborough’s Sweater
What is hip and happening, FishbowlDC? Any good “DC gossip” you might want to impart? Could you do that without libeling anyone? OK good, just checking! Today, Fishbowl has TWO major scoops on its hands. One is an expose, by guy-getting-sued-for-libel Peter Ogburn, and it is an expose of Jonathan Martin from Politico who is [...]
Sad Pundits: Why Won’t Insiders Tell Us Who Will Win The Election?
THIS ELECTION, YOU GUYS! It is … confusing? Like, some people say that Barack Obama will win re-election, while others say that his opponent, Mitt Romney, will prevail! WHO ARE WE TO TRUST? Normally, of course, we’d turn to the literally of hundreds of people who are employed full-time by various old- and new-media outlets [...]
Paul Ryan, ‘Reportedly,’ Simply Does Not Care To Take Calls From His Stinky Old Boss
Does Politico chief political columnist Roger Simon know what “reportedly” means? Dear reader, do you? For those without your Editrix’s fancee “specialized journalism” master’s, it means “someone somewhere else has already published this information, which we have not confirmed ourselves, but are kind of taking their word for it.” And Politico chief political columnist Roger [...]
Chris Wallace Rumbles With Peggy Noonan For Control Of The Gang
She’d killed him. She’d killed Mitt. She’d stuck her blade between his ribs, counting down from the top to mark where his heart was. (In this story, Mitt Romney had a heart.) And now everyone was going fucking nuts. Twitchy was mouthing off to Big Bill. Chris Wallace was struggling to find the gonads to [...]
It Is Not Very Hard To Get Kicked Out Of A Politico Party Apparently
Tampa, Day Something – We had just gotten a small glass of Bulleit (the greatest bourbon) from the very sweet twenty-nothing barkeep, when a lady, who just moments before had gotten what looked to be a lovely pinot grigio, walked over and told us the bar was closed. Oh, okay, certainly! we said as we [...]
Politico Writer Points Out Romney’s Caucasophilia, Loses Hunger Games-esque Battle For Dominance
Suckers who downloaded the new Huffington app-magazine-thing hoping for page after page of sideboob were bitterly disappointed to instead find some superlong expose about Politico, America’s number one morning-winning beltway-news-producing destroyer of worlds. The thing was written by Michael Calderon, whom ascended Wonkette deity Ken Layne once called “an actual pleasant human being we’ve actually [...]
How Sweet: Politico Helps Students Prepare For The AP US Government & Politics Exam
Politico has decided to encourage bad habits, like following laughable presidential campaigns and cramming, by trying to teach 10 lessons on AP Government & Politics by May 15, which is the day that Young America takes these “advanced” multiple choice and essay tests on the only nation in the world. It is only up to [...]
Mitt Romney Criticizes Political Media For Cynical Games He Absolutely Loves Playing
Mitt Romney addressed an Associated Press luncheon today to chit-chat with his good friends, the reporters, who fawned over his every word. What do you think about us!, the giggling media children demanded. Do you like us?? OMG you hate us maybe??? And so, to the delight of this hard-nippled assembly of navel-gazers, Mittens shared [...]
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