Illiterate picture book The POLITICO simply does not care for this newly merged House health care bill that came out yesterday. Its top concern is that it sets the minimum medical-loss ratio too low for consumers, and too high for insurers. Is that what it is? Oh, no, it’s that the bill is a very big block of scary paper. MORE »

Good news, Washington humans: the rich right-wing owner of the POLITICO, Robert Albritton, is preparing to launch a local news website, with the admirable goal of further destroying the Washington Post. (Although the Washington Post has great local news blogs and reporters!) And just in case you were wondering, yes: “The site will cover D.C and the suburbs, and echo Politico’s aggressive, scoop-oriented focus.” Your Wonkette editors have been brainstorming, furiously. [TNR]

Has anyone else had recurring nightmares about being forced to read this exact PoLiTiCo article over and over, for eternity? You wake up in sweats, trembling. You have just experienced the nearest thing the political Internet can offer as an equivalent to the Sisyphean Task. Just as you reach Peak Politico, it rolls back and starts anew. MORE »

Oh goodness, a month ago Alan Grayson called some lobbyist lady a “K Street whore” and now the Internet has gotten a hold of the secret whore tapes. This was a terribly inappropriate thing to say, and as you can imagine, absolutely nothing has ever pleased The POLITICO more. MORE »

Today’s big story from local acid rain compound Politico: the U.S. Chamber of Commerce declares itself immune to attacks from the liberal Apple Company and its “White House.” And just when we were expecting CoC President Tom Donohue to declare “We are not worthy” and close his shop down permanently! MORE »

Mike Allen with the scoop! Some mutual friends of his and fat obnoxious Republican operative space demon Roger Ailes suggest, anonymously, that Roger Ailes might run for president. Not even idle speculation — it could really happen, says THE POLITICO CLICK, an offshoot of the mothership that focuses on such things as donkey sex and donkey fingering. MORE »

Do yourself a “favor” and scan through this interview with freshman Rep. Gregg Harper, Republican of Mississippi, on the POLITICO CLICK WEBSITE. Question: “What in the world does the Congressional Sportsmen’s Caucus do?” Answer: “We hunt liberal, tree-hugging Democrats, although it does seem like a waste of good ammunition.” Haw haw fags. MORE »

Politico’s Kenneth P. Vogel, who from now on shall be referred to as “Kenningtonpants,” has been on quite a hot streak at his news pamphlet. First that story, and now this one, about dirty words! Naughty naughty, Kenningtonpants! “President Barack Obama called rap star Kanye West ‘a jackass.’ Vice President Joe Biden told a senator to ‘Gimme a f—-ing break!’ Economic adviser Christina Romer declared that Americans had yet to have their ‘holy s—-’ moment over the economy.” It’s a new national trend! We blame the blogs. MORE »

Oh my god, truly terrible publication The POLITICO has created a H/holocaust style guide. Like an actual collection of words published on politico.com that serve to outline when it is okay to invoke lower case-h holocaust and when it is okay to go all WWII insidery and just GO FOR IT and use the capital H. “When is a holocaust not the Holocaust?” is the actual lede of this non-specific genocide of an article. MORE »

First there was Terry Moran’s Twitter. Yesterday, TMZ brought us audio. And here, for your masturbation purposes, is videographic footage of Barack Obama calling ex-college student Kanye West a “jackass” for what he did during that “perfectly nice woman”’s music video award speech, on teevee. Ben Smith found this clip first and posted it, but then, OH WHAT HAPPENED HERE hmm?: “UPDATE: Not so much: Wiser heads than mine at POLITICO made the call to take down the video of the ‘jackass’ moment. Sorry about the tease if you missed it.” Fortunately CNN’s Rick Sanchez stole it just in time! So… when do we get to see a video of Obama calling Jim VandeHei and John Harris “kiss-asses”? [YouTube, Ben Smith]

Now it is official, as Mike Huckabee — the famous ex-fat person whose chief economic proposal as a presidential candidate was to institute a sales tax of 25%, something he read in some book — hath decreed it. And this is a great example of it! The Politico, ostensibly a journalism outlet of the future, is just cold transcribin’ this random guy’s bitter rants about an industry that constantly makes fun of him for being stupid. [Politico]