Politico, which is a publication we all still have to pretend isn’t just a retrograde mouthpiece for dickheads, gave human death’s head mask Dick Cheney, his bride of satan, Lynne, and his chip-off-the-old-demon Liz (the gay offspring wisely declined to attend) a lunchtime platform to spew some nonsense and hate about oh, so many things […]

The New York Times — the august pinnacle of American journalism and beginning headlines with prepositional phrases — has experienced a sad tsuris this week, as a bunch of mouthy broads started giving it a rash of shit just because it fired its top editor, and first woman in the role, in a manner usually […]

This amazing document was authored by Senator Rand Paul’s guy who does these for him and comes to us via POLITICO, whom we’ll discuss in a minute. What we have here is, in our experience, unprecedented. Rand Paul’s guy has not just broken the Reagan barrier but shattered it: In a 699 word op-ed nominally […]

Welcome to another Derp Roundup, where we take a wire brush to our browser tabs, douse ‘em with brain bleach, and bring you the stories that were too stupid to ignore. We recommend a healthy portion of your favorite reality-dilution elixir before reading on. Our Top Derp goes to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition with […]

Hey ladies. How you doing? With your uncontrolled libidos, we bet you are slutting it up all over the place, so thank the Spirit in the Sky that you can get free government slut pills so you can be as slutty as you wanna be! But maybe you whoring whoremonsters need some representation at the […]

Happy Super Sportsball Bowl Day, everyone! It is a glorious day for New Jersey, as two squads of Human Growth Hormone-injected monsters meet in the state to kick the ball and throw the ball and run very fast and give each other brain damage. But what else is going on in the Garden State today? […]

It is easy to forget sometimes that D.C. area event planner Politico actually won a Pulitzer Prize in 2012. Not for their morning-winning, afternoon-winning news coverage, mind you, (lol, u guys.) but for their editorial cartoons, drawn by this guy Matt Wuerker. Like many a baby boomer — man — Wuerker used to be cool, […]

As the day winds down, you were probably thinking “man, I really wish I could read one million words by some guys over at Politico pimping a new book, but only if they really hype it with an over-the-top nonsense headline.” Now is the time for all your dreams to come true, little ones, because […]

Michelle Obama, you are UNDER ARREST on the charges of being a BAD FEMINIST! You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will lead you to be fucked if you do and fucked if you don’t. You have the right to an attorney, if you can even find one, since all the attorneys […]

In what has to be the teensiest ittle-bitty political shocker of the year, Mary Cheney emailed Politico to say that she doesn’t intend to support her sister Liz Cheney’s campaign for the U.S. Senate in whichever western state Liz decided was her “home” last year: “I’m not supporting Liz’s candidacy.” She later clarified: “By supporting, […]

OMG you guise!!! There is a man out there in America who does not love The Troops! And he is still allowed to write things for a living! Even though The Troops have bled and died for his right to have written a blog post titled “Fuck the Troops” in 2008! And Politico just published […]

Buenos dias, Wonketeers. After weeks of pointless grandstanding by modern-day Dr. Suess El Senor Canadiano Ted Cruz, aren’t we all ready for Congress to, you know, do something positive rather than just tank fourth quarter economic output? Hey, how about that comprehensive immigration reform that the Senate was all positive about. Could be a good […]

How inexorably, ascendantly awesome and correct are conservative and neo-libertarian ideas? Why, they’re so awesome and correct that it only cost several hundred million dollars to propel the candidates espousing them to mostly respectable losses in the last national election! Yes, it was fun to watch all the antisocial billionaires and their Tea Puppets get smacked […]

Ehrmagerd you guys did you hear what Hilary said about Ben and how Ben just totally lost his shit? And it was all over Twitter and Mediaite and now it’s on Wonket? OH. THE. DRAMA. OK, and we should also mention that this is a story about a Twitter fight between a blogger and a […]

First prize for doing sexting with Anthony Weiner, according to some lady, is help getting on a Politico panel. Second prize is help getting on two Politico panels. The Dirty, via Buzzfeed, has … oh, let’s see … unconfirmed screenshots of unverified vintage that may or may not be from Anthony Weiner (POSTING SEXTS UNDER […]