politico
Politico has decided to encourage bad habits, like following laughable presidential campaigns and cramming, by trying to teach 10 lessons on AP Government & Politics by May 15, which is the day that Young America takes these “advanced” multiple choice and essay tests on the only nation in the world. It is only up to [...]
Mitt Romney addressed an Associated Press luncheon today to chit-chat with his good friends, the reporters, who fawned over his every word. What do you think about us!, the giggling media children demanded. Do you like us?? OMG you hate us maybe??? And so, to the delight of this hard-nippled assembly of navel-gazers, Mittens shared [...]
Remember how Rick Perry was insane during debates? Yeah, he was on painkillers all the time — supposedly because of his bad back, but did you also know that painkillers are really fun? Anyway, this is why he would fall asleep during the second half of every debate. And according to a new POLITICO EBOOK [...]
Newt Gingrich settled into his masturbatorium in recent days to sit down and think Big Thoughts, which he would then convert into Big Ideas, which would leave him with very little doubt that he would be the nominee, of course. He came up with this: “Newt Gingrich is cutting back his campaign schedule, will lay [...]
Oh dear, this poor POLITICO reporter was just trying to bring home the Hot Afternoon Scooplet to please her psychotic editors yesterday and — oops! — ended up making the funniest POLITICO error since that time they impregnated a Jonas brother over WHCD weekend. Everyone’s making fun of you right now, reporter Donovan Slack, and [...]
Politico gossip Ben Smith recently graduated to … what is it, 4chan? Fark? One of those sites. And now he is free to “tell the truth” about being a political reporter covering political campaigns: It’s not a lot of fun, because of the voters (and the politicians) being such craven idiots. This is why it’s [...]
Buried halfway through this rumor-heavy Politico INSIDE SCOOP about the implosion of Herman Cain’s campaign is one particularly fun piece of total hearsay alleging that Cain’s Iowa staff is crumbling “after weeks of swirling rumors between Cain’s staff and volunteers in the Hawkeye State accusing each other of affairs, homosexuality and professional misconduct.” Yes, why [...]
Our neo-Marxist former editor Alex Pareene was driven crazy by the Politico today, which is one of many reasons we don’t ever look at the Politico. Going crazy hurts. Trump! Palin! More Trump and more Palin! Mama Grizzly back on the prowl! Gary Busey: I’m voting for Trump! Does Sarah Palin redesigning her website mean [...]
Roger Simon is paid a six-figure salary to be right about politics, so expect him to resign November 7, 2012 if this prognostication of his does not happen: Republicans are so worthless they may not even field a candidate for the first presidential election since 1852, and next year’s contest will be a showdown between [...]
Our terrible news media and terrible politicians like to get together for fancy dinners sometimes to dress up nice and feel glamorous and very lightly poke fun at how terrible they all are. Last night, indecisive but would-be serial killer Ben Quayle opened his sad effort at reading jokes he paid a guy to write [...]
Rep. Peter King (R-Xenophobia) is finally starting up his very special hearings today, in which he calls before his committee a bunch of Muslims so King, an IRA terrorist, can be filmed telling them their religion is pure murder. But that’s not all! To sweeten the spectacle, King “revealed” to Politico that he has been [...]
THE TWIN PILLARS OF OUR DEMOCRACY ARE AT WAR: Politico said Rick Santorum said Sarah Palin is busy spending her time making money and having children, and Rick Santorum tweeted that Politico was “garbage.” This is a very serious national security issue, as these two forces control most of the federal government, the rest being [...]
Ben Quayle is a Politico op-ed contributor? Of course Ben Quayle is a Politico op-ed contributor. “When I was a child, President Ronald Reagan was the nice man who gave us jelly beans when we visited the White House.” Sure, the nice old man’s mind didn’t always seem to be there, and half the time [...]
Guess what? Politico got to talk to Ben Quayle! Ooh, what is he like? Do you think he’ll like Politico? Will he want to be friends with them and stuff? He’s so cool because he’s the only member of Congress who hasn’t had at least one bout with prostate cancer in his life so far. [...]
