Listen you guys. We know that you were looking forward to retiring at 67, but we just can’t have that because if we do, Iran will get a nuclear weapon and blow us up. This is the ACTUAL ARGUMENT that “Security Analyst” Robert Kagan is making in the Washington Post, so do not laugh (yet) […]

The House passed an amendment Wednesday night to get rid of the American Community Survey entirely, on Privacy Grounds. Oh, god, you can hear them through your windows probably, fapping about their privacy. The ACS is a mandatory survey with 48 questions that a few hundred thousand people are chosen to fill out each month. […]

What will be overshadowed by the soaring rhetoric in tonight’s State of the Union speech? Nothing too interesting. Obama will be calling for a freeze on spending for five years and a ban on earmarks. In other words, the only things Republicans seem to care about passing these days, besides that single pointless bill against […]

After carefully inspecting “the Treasury Secretary’s calendar,” Bloomberg News has revealed that Tim Geithner had a top-secret meeting with teevee comic Jon Stewart. What could this mean, besides “Tim Geithner probably doesn’t put ‘secret’ meetings on his calendar”? Brace yourself: The reason, according to a Treasury spokesperson: “Jon Stewart is influential in America, so we […]

The Obama administration is sick of libruls such as Rachel Maddow who dare CRITICIZE them, the librul political party’s presidential administration, when they fail to do important librul things. “I hear these people saying he’s like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested,” Robert Gibbs said. (But he is like George Bush, because […]

Here is your daily White House Healthcare Messaging Update! Having failed at the whole “talk to insured voters about what’s in it for them” approach, various strategists and advisors are now telling the Obama administration to talk about “morals” instead. Good luck with that!

For whatever reason, the phenomenon of eating multiple small plate dishes (also know as tapas) as a meal has taken over dining in the District. There are some food trends that we moderately enjoy: Cupcakes, we can deal with those. Wine bars, they work for impressing dates and for the wining and dining of summer […]

Ohhhh the nerve. The new First Lady, having spent two years giving lengthy policy speeches on the campaign trail in support of her husband, is apparently now giving lengthy policy speeches again. This is highly inappropriate behavior for a lawyer and former executive who now finds herself jobless due to her husband running America.

Oh good God what is going on today? Pretty much every publication in the country has a big article about how John McCain — the guy who just attacked Barack Obama for being all style and no substance — knows literally nothing about anything, and just blurts out a random arrangement of words whenever he’s […]

IRAQ  9:53 am February 20, 2006

Bureaucratic Smackdown!

by Alex Pareene