Aren’t you glad George Allen lost his senate seat for calling Jim Webb’s Indian guy a Tunisian monkey in Italian or something? Yes, Macaca George was a racist dingbat in love with a prop football and slavery, but he wasn’t a heavily armed lunatic.

The emerging and evolving story of Webb’s aide being arrested and jailed for trying to sneak a loaded handgun and tons of ammo into the Russell Senate Office building is starting to sound like a hilarious outtake from “Pulp Fiction.” Yesterday we learned that Webb and his ninja gunmen had sacks of weapons when they showed up at National airport, so Webb was forced to leave his guns with the staffers for his flight to Beirut or wherever, and then there were guns everywhere and nobody was keeping track and next thing you know this former Marine has put one of Webb’s loaded semi-automatic pistols (or maybe even a Micro Uzi) in a briefcase — along with two fully loaded extra magazines — through the X-Ray machine and the Capitol cops lock him up.

Read Webb’s delusional Conrad Burns-esque excuses, after the jump.

MORE »

As proven by this photo: MORE »

Remember how the big brave Capitol Police caught the crackhead who ran into the Capitol with a gun? MORE »

Agape Press got us all flustered a few days ago when they alerted us to the existence of the Sodomy Squadron, a previously unreported branch of the miliary that sent many Wonkette readers into whistful, day-long reveries. Now they’re upping the ante with a revelation about what happens when good Christian schools want to eject suspected lesbos: they get a litle visit from the sassy squadron’s muscular, fabulously-toned enforcement arm. The American Family Association’s Steve Crampton explains:

“I think this is a case in point,” he asserts, “where you have private schools, Christian businesses — and really employers of all types, whether specifically and overtly Christian or not — being given what amount to totalitarian edicts by the ‘tolerance police.’ This is not freedom — this is totalitarianism.”

Totalitarianism indeed! My advice to all you good Christians out there: stay in your shelters, practice your obscure, beleaguered faith in safety where “they” can’t find you, and I’m sure this will all blow over in a couple of years. We’ll let you know when it’s safe to come out… er, sorry, poor word choice. MORE »

Dead horse, we know, but even after a couple weeks, this is still hysterical.

“Headed to the capitol to make a vote.” Still in the top-ten excuses list, easy. Patrick Kennedy, recovering drug addict and binge drinking congressman, we salute you. MORE »

Not only is this not the first time Representative McKinney has had a run-in with the law, but she’s even got video of previous encounters on her website. MORE »