Tag Archives: polar bear

  lies lies lies yeah

Ohio Bus Driver Who Faked His Own Gang Attack Is Your New Ashley ‘Backwards B’ Todd

Remember the glory days of the 2008 election when we had the delightful specter of Ashley Todd claiming that Barack Obama’s thugs had held her down and carved a “B” in her face except haha she totally made it up and the “B” was facing the wrong way? We loved her! But now we are casting our love aside, because we’re way more into this Ohio bus driver guy, Rickey Wagoner, who claimed that some black kids shot him so that they could kill a whitey, but he was saved by his pocket copy of the Bible for dummies, except that of course he made the whole thing up. Read more on Ohio Bus Driver Who Faked His Own Gang Attack Is Your New Ashley ‘Backwards B’ Todd…
  silver linings

Bright Side! Climate Change Death Spiral Will Bring Cheaper Gas, Jobs!

We are basically in an imminent death-spiral, says a new report that will probably be ignored: Senior US government officials are to be briefed at the White House this week on the danger of an ice-free Arctic in the summer within two years. Worried? Don’t be! First of all, this will mostly affect Poors and women, and who cares about them? Nobody, that’s who, otherwise they wouldn’t be Poors. Or women, duh. Also, the Free Market will rescue them anyway (assuming, of course, that global warming doesn’t set all the Bootstraps on fire and cause a global Bootstrap shortage), and even if it doesn’t, there will be a Second Coming and it will all be part of God’s Plan. And we still haven’t gotten to the BEST PART, which is that an ice-free summer means more oil and more jobs for everyone! Read more on Bright Side! Climate Change Death Spiral Will Bring Cheaper Gas, Jobs!…
 

Attention Whore Knut Turning Into Polar Bear Psychopath

Hey guess what, people? Hillary Clinton is still trying to “woo” superdelegates by sending threatening letters to Nancy Pelosi; Barack Obama continues to shake his head sadly, with dignity; and John McCain wants Democrats to vote for him. In other words, boring news rules the Internet today, which is why we bring you this important update on the increasingly fragile emotional state of the bear who drove the National Zoo’s Butterstick to experiment with hard drugs. Read more on Attention Whore Knut Turning Into Polar Bear Psychopath…
 

IS HE TALKING ABOUT THE ONCE-CUTE POLAR BEAR BABY, OR OBAMA? “What did you think was going to happen when it grew up? Quit misleading the younger generation that everything will remain cute and cuddly.” — Max, London [Daily Mail] Read more on …